Stuffing the Passer - A Day in the Life

Coach Kelly is a pretty busy guy, as we found out during the telecast of the game last week. His schedule is jam-packed with all kinds of important events, like gladhanding donors, meeting with basketball recruits, gladhanding donors, gladhanding alumni, and gladhanding donors. Such is the life of a coach at a division one football program, and that's just the way the business goes these days. Our one minor tiny critique is that perhaps squeezing in some time to teach the team football between Long John Silvers dedication ceremonies would be better for everyone involved. But that's just us.

What is that, an ocelot?

Stuffing the Passer - Halftime Assessment

Halftime is a good time to take stock of your situation, assess your strengths and weaknesses, and make adjustments to your strategy for the decisive frame. Also, it's a good time to vent. And vent and vent and vent. Muppet Coach Kelly had quite a bit to vent about at halftime of the Western Michigan game, but I don't think anyone saw this coming. A sort of transcendent beauty crept into it after a while, don't you think?

This is beautiful television!

Stuffing the Passer - A Word from Our Sponsors

Let's face facts, folks, everybody's struggling to make ends meet these days. Even the University of Notre Dame, overstuffed mackerel-snapping extortionist robber-barons the lot of them are, have to turn to corporate America now and again for a little nip from the feedbag.

We don't begrudge them for shilling the latest creation by Adidas, the TechFit® jersey that clings suffocatingly close to the skin and wicks away sweat, but we also think it puts our beloved puppets in a sticky situation, as none of them seem to have the corporate spokesperson gene in their collective systems.

That's why it puzzles us that the marketing folks at Adidas decided to shoot their latest ad live. It seems to be inviting problems, not the least of which being the near-asphyxiation of their jersey model. Does anyone have a pair of scissors?

Oh I'm sweating, but it is not wicking, man!

Stuffing the Passer - Modern Chemistry

It's always good to see the lads get a win, but it's hard to enjoy it when faced with the serious scandal of a football coach that actually raises his voice when talking to his team! Unthinkable! Just between you and me, when irishoutsider saw Kelly yelling at the lads, he fainted powdered wig-first into his Corgi's bowl of lightly chilled Perrier.

Fortunately, the monsignors at Notre Dame have decided to nip this little public relations tiff in the bud by placing muppet Brian Kelly on a strict regimen of happy pills. The bottle says "take two tabules whenceupon the onset of a severe fit-of-rage is felt forthcoming to calm the sanguinary humours of the blood. Repeat until anger has subsided or blood flows forth from the eyeballs". The expiration date says June of 1838.

Kids, if nothing else, this week's Stuffing the Passer is a cautionary tale about toying with modern chemistry. Shit can go sideways real fast, and there won't always be a half-blind quarterback and a wide receiver with slippery hands nearby to jam a shot of adrenaline in your aorta. Be safe out there.

UPDATE: Had to re-upload the video because soooomebody (i.e., me) forgot how to spell "thehouserockbuit.com". New version with appropriate-spelling yumminess.

My god... it's full of stars!