Save the Date!

Congratulations to Orson Swindle, who won the competition to get married live on the Mike & Mike in the Morning Show. I just got my invitation today, but sadly, I will not be able to attend the hootenany-to-end-all-hootenanies in Bristol on May 26, as leaving the state violtes the conditions of my house arrest   I'm getting an orchiectomy   it's the semifinals for my bowling league -- regular season is one thing, but this is the playoffs    aw, hell, I don't have a really good excuse.

Anyway, I just ordered your wedding present for you, and please send my best regards to Barbara Jean and her family. While I didn't see this particular gift on your registry, I feel that every married man needs one of those puppies to maintain the delicate balance of power in a healthy relationship. Oh, man, I'm choking up over here. I promised myself I wouldn't cry. I'm just so happy for you kids. Just looking at you I can tell you're going to make it forever.

No wedding registry is complete without a fresh set of these suckers.