Tuesday, June 20, 2006

When Will Santonio Holmes Strike Next?

Santonio Holmes, the former Ohio State receiver last seen torching the Irish secondary in the Fiesta Bowl, has potted goal number two en route to his hat trick of infamy, racking up his second arreest in the still-young month of June, this time on several charges stemming from an incident of domestic violence.

The alleged victim identifies herself as Holmes' (let me make sure I'm saying this correctly) baby mama, the mother of Santonio's 18-week old daughter, according to the article. The article goes on to say:

Before the draft, Holmes said he was hopeful that he would go high in the draft so he could support his three children.
Ahem, that is to say he is the father of three children by (as further research reveals) three different mothers. As a twenty-three year-old with a fairly reckless past yet hardly any illegitimate children that I know of, I say that's pretty impressive. Anyway, Johnny Appleseed's attorney attests that it's a bum rap that he is sure to beat, so we wish him the best of luck at that. Rest assured, though, if Holmes picks up his third arrest this month, I will be chucking my slightly-disgusting hat onto the ice in celebration, which happens to be a Key West Fishing Hat. Currently, Vegas is putting even odds on the hat trick coming in a Cleveland public library.

The real tragedy, however, is the effect this will have on the Holmes family. We found this picture in the archives of Santonio and his adoring family, during much happier times:


Think about the children. Vote "not guilty"


UPDATE: Ha! As was to be expected, MZone is light-years ahead of me on this one. That screen capture from the local news is classic. Those Wolverines certainly do not spare any effort in jumping on the Buckeyes any (fairly frequent) chance they get.



7 Comments:

At 8:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

He is well on his way to becoming the Shawn Kemp of the NFL. What did Kemp have, 11 children by 10 women? To be three for three before even going pro is something that would make Kemp proud.

 
At 10:25 AM, Anonymous bullfrog said...

Why could Holmes not have started his crime spree in mid-December? Ma-a-a-an.

When I worked at Little Caesar's, my manager was this 350-pound dude named Gil that had 4 children from 3 women with a 5th from a fourth on the way. He also thought there might be one down in the Dominican Republic, but since they don't have deadbeat dad laws down there, he didn't care.

 
At 10:55 AM, Anonymous Pellee said...

Man, should I start carrying a gun or something? I seems like everywhere I turn here in Columbus, a former OSU player is committing a crime! And there are all lot of them here, all potential criminals. I fear for my safety!

 
At 2:51 PM, Blogger Mr. A said...

It's one thing to have 3 kids by 3 different mothers, it's another thing to have 3 kids by 3 different mothers, get arrested twice in a 3 month span, and have the ability to master only 27 words in the English language (for the record, the words hoe, bitch, and muthafucker were left out of the equation.)

I'm often reminded of former Bills reciever Eric Moulds, who fathered 6 kids from 5 or 6 different women, yet was well spoken and by all acounts a good guy. For the record I have always hated Santonio Holmes, and am not afraid to admit that 50% of that loathing comes from the simple question "Who the fuck names there kid Santonio!

 
At 1:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get off my mother fuckin back. I can do what I choose. I support all my kids and I will support the ones I will make in the future. Don't try to put limits on me and my lovestick. Respect me and my weapon of love. I'm just getting started. By the time I'm 40 I may have 15 kids. Peace/love

 
At 5:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wanna have you santonia to stick your lovestick in my squeezebox so we can have the 4th kid!

 
At 6:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is so stupid! My dad has 5 kids from 4 different women and no one is writing blogs about him!! Get off Santonio's dick! Ya'll are just mad cause you ain't fucking him!! (And yep I am using Ebonics!)HA! Stop putting celebrities on a pedestal, like they're God or something..they are only human! If you look at Mr. Holmes like you look at the losers in your lives, you won't be as disappointed the next time he makes a mistake!! Holla Bitches! HaHa

 

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