Thursday, September 11, 2008

Blogjammin': Gallows Humor Abounds With mgoblog

In the unlikely experiment that has been my last few years of blogging, I've got to do some pretty cool things, like hug a man in a singlet, break Orson Swindle's clavicle in a game of touch football, and survive the rain-drenched miracle that was the 2006 Michigan State game. But one of my favorite days of the year is when I go toe to toe with the other Brian at mgoblog and duke it out over the upcoming Michigan game.

Verily, we've come a long way since our first blogjam in 2006, when our beloved football teams both had championship aspirations. Each year since our inaugural chat, our teams have circled further and further down the toilet of college football, and it's quite possible we're responsible for it. Nevertheless, we must storm on, even though this upcoming tilt is reaching the paramount of absurd irrelevance. By God, the world needs laughter, or at least that kind of hysterical laughter that squeezes its way out of you between body-wracking sobs and unnecessarily large bites of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream.

In 2006, we donned Mexican wrestling uniforms. In 2007, we opted for tapioca wrestling. This year, to commemorate this upcoming game, we put on powdered wigs and breeches and just slapped the ever-loving Christ out of each other. I'm in bold, Brian's in blue. Part two is available over at mgoblog. Spoiler alert, we talk about jamming footballs in people's butts. I've said too much.

fightinamish:Shall we tussle?

mgoblog: Okay, as per usual Proper Grammar and Punctuation will help.

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Sounds good to me.

Allright, (cracks knuckles)....

First things first. During the Utah game, they showed a sign in the Michigan weight room that said, "In a time of crisis you will not rise to the occasion, you will default to your level of preparation". Question: did Rich Rodriguez find that in a fortune cookie? Follow up: isn't it funnier if you add "in bed" to the end?
The answer to the second half of the question provides the answer to the second: "in bed" doesn't really go at the end of this sentence humorously, so it couldn't have come from a fortune cookie. My vote goes to "real estate seminar pamphlet."

Respect the cock!

Possibly... although I think it was originally written in Japanese and hastily translated.
But that's not even the best sign in the weight room. There's one that has a subject-verb agreement error that I'm sure someone pointed out to Barwis once.

Parts of that unfortunate soul's brain are still landing in former Soviet republics.

Times must be hard at the Athletic Department... with all the money they're spending on the stadium and practice facilities, it seems like they're outsourcing everything else.
Did you know you can hire Indian or Eastern European coders for like 10 bucks an hour? I'm looking into this. I plan on introducing MGoStatisticsWhatACountry! next year.

Document the offensive and defensive formations faster! Do you want to see your family again?

Gotta love child labor
It'll be an online version of "Coming to America" except with True Punting Rate and stuff.

I don't even know what that is. I just made it up. BUT UKRANIANS WILL MAKE IT FOR ME.

But I digress.

Indeed you do. So, to gradually guide this to vaguely relevant discussion, what's the quarterback situation going to be this week? It's been a mix and match job so far... will Rodriguez outsource that, too? Are we looking at Sareep Neheedamajet's first start at QB? Or perhaps, dare I say, an adorable golden retriever?
Given the way things have been going they should see if Carlos Brown can throw a bubble screen, but it will be Threet. Threet actually made a ton of good decisions against Miami (Not That Miami) and would have moved the team down the field consistently if he hadn't overthrown every downfield route by 10 yards. Dude needs to relax. Nick Sherdian will probably see time after Threet overthrows Tacopants on third and seven.

As a side note, I'm rooting for the big guy to win the job, as I thought of a really cool nickname for him... "Picabo Threet"
I like "Dual Threet," but that threatens to be *really* sarcastic against teams outside of the MAC.

Yeah... one of the commentators during the Miami game actually used the phrase "Pat White" on that first touchdown. Flabbergasting.
For whatever reason Miami (Not That Miami) was leaving those zone read keepers wide open. You or I could have scored on that play. Steven Threet could have scored on it.

So what, do you suppose, will be the offensive gameplan for Michigan. I can't imagine the Threet keeper is going to be a permanent staple... are you going to try to establish the short passing from the spread that SDSU showed some relative success at doing against the Irish last week?
I really doubt it, actually. Michigan has two types of passes in the arsenal so far: screens and downfield bombs. Throwing across the middle when your quarterback tends to overthrow guys by five yards is asking for a safety to go "look what I found" and intercept your wildly inaccurate pass. I assume the gameplan will be similar to what it was in the first couple games just because that's about all Michigan can do right now. That does include the keeper if Notre Dame chooses to disrespect it like Miami(NTM) did. Michigan is big on respect, capo.

Respect the... aw, dammit. I already used this joke.

I wasn't aware there was an offensive strategy in the last two games... although I didn't see all of the Miami game. My Tivo switched over to that "Hole in the Wall" gameshow about halfway through and I didn't even notice it for 25 minutes.
Actually, in the UFR's I've discovered I really, really like the offensive strategy. There's a half-dozen core plays that all play off each other and create a simple framework in which it's really easy to gash the defense for big chunks of yards. Michigan just sucks at executing it. Really, really sucks.


I only realized it wasn't the Michigan game when I noticed the pants weren't shiny enough.

Really. So, do you think it can take advantage of a Tenuta "Blitz By God Blitz Everybody" defense?
There are opportunities to do so. When that OLB nominally tasked with covering the little bastard in the slot blitzes and Michigan goes to the bubble screen they're one good block and one missed tackle away from a big chunk of yards. Same with the little flare route that shoots a really fast guy out to the backside of a play that looks like the standard zone read. The opportunites are horizontal, not vertical, and I think the spread sort of limits how exotic your blitzes can get unless you've got the opponent in an unfavorable down and distance. Michigan DC Scott Shafer is a tweed jacket version of Tenuta and he hasn't done much unleashing of the dogs except in obvious passing situations.

Copy that. Allright, serious question. What's the biggest thing you've ever seen Sam McGuffie jump over?
Charlie Weis's....


ba DUM ching!

No, seriously: Canada.

I saw him jump over Knowshon Moreno while he was jumping over that CMU safety.

I loled.

Allright, you're officially off the Budweiser Hot Seat. Pepper me with your dastardliest questions.

Like I said, part two is available at mgoblog. It's a doozy.

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