Thursday, April 20, 2006

Official Shirt Safari: Purdue Edition

In light of a newfound interest in official shirts for the season, the House Rock Built will be taking you on a journey of all the shirts across the college football world in an effort to kill some time and maybe get a chuckle or two at the expense of the marketing supergeniuses in the front offices of athletic departments throughout the NCAA.

First up on the chopping block is Purdue University, who apparently commissioned Lawrence "Mr. T" Tureaud for the design of their official shirt, entitled "Here Comes the Pain Train, ya jibba-jabberin' fool!"

My prediction for Purdue's 06 season? Pain.

  • Handy schedule on the back, useful for playing one of my favorite drinking games, "Drink When You See a MACC or Div 1-AA Powerhouse!". Does Larry Bird still have any eligibility at ISU?

  • The shirt references the "Herculean Wearers of the Black and Gold". Now, while Hercules was a pretty solid dude (just ask Mama Klump from the Nutty Professor), anyone whose understanding of the character of Hercules goes beyond Disney and Kevin Sorbo (i.e., people who aren't engineers) understands Hercules became more of a tragic character near the end of his tenure. Hercules met his grisly demise after being poisoned by his wife for sleeping around, ultimately forcing him to set himself ablaze to end his misery. While less inspiring, one can hardly say this isn't a more accurate prediction of the 2006 campaign in West Lafayette.

A good concept shirt, although the concept seems to be squashed by cheeziness and dubious and unresearched literary references. I'll give it a C overall, for chamois, since the most likely fate of this ill-conceived garment will be a waxing apparatus for someone's 94 Camaro in West Lafayette.


At 3:59 PM, Anonymous captaineclectic said...

You neglect another aspect of this shirt: it proudly proclaims "We've Got Your Game".

This may be literally true. Assume that Willinghammery was contagious by October of 2004. Purdue was undefeated and beat ND 41-16. They went 3-5 to close the season, losing to Wisconsin, Michigan, Iowa, Northwestern, and Arizona State.

Then last year, Purdue was clearly experiencing the same disease--a 5-6 campaign featuring a 6 game losing stewak--Minnesota, ND, Iowa, Northwestern, Wisconsin, and Penn State.

A "Willinghammery is contagious" theory also explains Michigan State, Pittsburgh this season, Air Force pretty much since 2002, um, Maryland since 2002, Tennessee, and Michigan.

Counterexamples like Southern Cal can be explained away--Willinghammery only attacks mediocre programs that don't have the institutional strength (i.e., antibodies) to resist.

At 8:16 PM, Anonymous Phil K. said...

'94 Camaro? Dude, try '84.

At 8:54 AM, Blogger Sean H. said...

*cues up The Dead Milkmen - "Bitchin' Camero"*

I just wrote an email to a Boilermaker alum comparing their scheduling practices to Minnesota's. They hit the trifecta: Ball St, Miami(Ohio) and IN St.

At 10:01 AM, Anonymous Samari said...

also missed in your analysis is the resemblance of the back of the shirt to communist propaganda. all it needs is a sickle and any self respecting member of the proletariate would be compelled to root for Purdue.

At 2:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's 49-21, Sweetheart.


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