Bobby P Gets $25 Mill. We're Going to the Strip Clubs!

Louisville coach and James Cagney look-alike Bobby Petrino has locked himself up a ten-year extension worth a cool $25 million bones, or clams, or whatever you people call them. While blindly optimistic Cardinal fans might see this as securing the future of the coaching staff for the next ten years, the fairly-standard buyout of $500,000 will do little to dissuade the eager job-hunter from jumping ship in next year's round of coach searches. Take it from me, these things usually don't work out. When I was in third grade, I gave my girlfriend Krista a three-dollar ring I bought at Meijer and she promised we'd be together forever, and the very next week she was cannoodling with the runny-nosed kid on the monkey bars with the stupid bowl cut, the filthy whore.

Seriously, though, Krista, if you're reading this, give me a call. I've changed for you. We can make this work.