Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Stuffing the Passer - Boiler Room!

Most Notre Dame fans across the world got a real treat the other day when the entire phone list was robo-called by the University ticket office, with a recording of none other than our own muppet Michael Floyd urging us to buy tickets to the upcoming Irish bowl game in El Paso (I say "most", because unlike irishoutsider, I was able to convince the ND alumni office that I died, alongside my trusty Sherpa, in a tragic heli-skiing accident at the Khumbu icefall in early 2006. Needless to say, it cost a pretty penny to counterfeit the full dental records, autopsy photos, and sworn deposition from the Sherpa's tribal elder that the University demanded in order to remove me from the calling list, but it was well worth it. Instead of getting daily calls from ND begging for money, my "grieving widow" only gets hit up for cash once a month [in addition to the several fundraising drives every year]. You would not believe how nice it is to have that extra free time...).

Needless to say, the lads are hard at work pushing for that bowl game sellout and the Cadillac El Dorado that goes to the biggest seller. Their numbers have been flagging, so the University sent in their big wheel, muppet Coach Kelly, to give the boys in the boiler room a bit of a pep talk on how to turn the golden stack of leads into sweet sweet cash.

Remember: A-B-C: Always Be Closing. And, also, SLACT: Sell Like a Champion Today.

Non possession-specific!!