Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Blogpoll: I Ain't Settlin' For Anything Less Than Everything

RankTeamDelta
1 Southern Cal 25
2 West Virginia 24
3 LSU 23
4 Michigan 22
5 Louisville 21
6 Texas 20
7 Auburn 19
8 Hawaii 18
9 Georgia 17
10 Virginia Tech 16
11 Florida 15
12 California 14
13 Rutgers 13
14 Florida State 12
15 Tennessee 11
16 Wisconsin 10
17 Oklahoma 9
18 Ohio State 8
19 Texas A&M 7
20 TCU 6
21 Boston College 5
22 Boise State 4
23 Penn State 3
24 UCLA 2
25 Duke 1
Woo-hoo, it's blogpoll time! A couple beers, a well-thumbed copy of Phil Steele's guide, and some random conjecture later and the House Rock Built is making its debut splash in the blogpoll. For those of you who don't remember from last year, I have a very, very, very, ridiculously scientific way of determining my preseason top 25. You see, since there's nothing to judge any of these teams on yet, we have to use math, science, astrology, conjecture, heresay, and spreadsheets to come up with something approximately resembling a sensible arrangement of teams. In case you need a refresher on my category names, here's a handy guide that will help you out:

CIVFLYP
Completely Irrelevant Velocity From Last Year's Performance
WLBGB
Won Last Bowl Game Bonus
SAWO
Score At Will Offense
CDG
Casualty from Draft and Graduation
FSDD
Freaky Shut-Down Defense
VCC
Very Compotent Coach
SMFE
Show Me First Escrow
A little more complicated stat, these are points I'm purposely withholding from a team until I've taken a look at their performance. Like Mark May, I'm old school Missouri, I demand that you show-me before I give you props. If after a few games, I see that the team has it together, these points will be added into their score.
VQB
Veteran Quarterback


If it's not obvious, this is intended to be a mockery of the convoluted logic that dictates preseason polling. Not to say that I'm not taking this seriously or that this is a joke ballot... it most certainly is not. It's just an exaggerated breakdown of the voodoo math that goes into assigning a preseason rank. By and large, it looks quite a bit like the AP preseason poll, which is probably because about 30 of the writers pay me a hefty royalty to use this very spreadsheet. But let's keep that under wraps. Scouting out any crazines...

  • Hawaii is #8. Okay, that's crazy. But, to be honest, they really have everything that makes for an attractive preseason team. They have arguably the most battle-tested quarterback in the league, a lot of "completly irrelevant velocity from last year's performance", and that all-important bowl win last year, which somehow is a huge factor for preseason polling. I'm keeping them there... for now.

  • Auburn gets a boost. Eh. That might mean there's something wrong with me. They were #1 in my preseason poll last year.


  • No Love for Florida. Come on, coaches poll. #3? I mean, look at this. That's a full half page of lost lettermen. Sure, sure, they've got great depth and recruiting and momentum, but I'll believe it when I see it. I'm holding 15 points in escrow until Urban can show he can pull another rabbit out of his hat.


  • Duke is #25. As always, so Steve Spurrier doesn't feel alone. As you can see, he did it again this year.


Full documentation of my painstaking process below:


Science, motherfuckers!

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1 Comments:

At 5:40 PM, Anonymous canuck said...

vcc:

llloyd = 18
wwweis = 16

Extreme satire.

 

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