The Rise of the House of Stewart

Today, larger-than-life offensive guard Chris Stewart, the behemoth of Klein (TX), made it official that he will be busting skulls for the blue and gold come next season. Stewart is, by all objective accounts, a monster of a man. Checking in at 6 foot 5, and somewhere between 340 and 360 pounds (per the two recruiting services who had the audacity to weigh him), Stewart is a house, a total eclipse, a forklift. His Junior year, he pancake blocked fifty-plus hapless souls to whom The House Rock Built extends their deepest condolences (including, we're guessing, poor number 87 in this picture).

Let's take a minute to let this percolate. An eighteen year old high school senior who clocks in at one-sixth of a ton. Maybe this isn't registering with you, so let us elucidate this point. Here are some other things that you could line up as Right Guard that would be equivalent to the mountain of man meat that Stewart brings to the table:

Contender	Description	Weight
	KitchenAid Architect 25.1 Cubic Foot Side-by-Side Refrigerator with Bottom-Mount Freezer Stainless Steel	360 lbs.
	Frigidaire 3.0 Cubic Foot Washer Washer/Dryer Super capacity Gas Laundry Center White on White	290 lbs.
	Koko, the Sign-Language Gorilla 35 years old Knows over 1,000 signs in American Sign Language Avid artist and kitten lover	280 lbs.
	William Howard Taft 27th President of the United States 10th Chief Justice of the United States First American President buried in Arlington National Cemetary	340 lbs.