Sweet Glorious Travesty

Well, the stakes have been raised. We all know that the Fiesta Bowl winner will receive a top five ranking, the adoration of millions of leathery-tanned desert bunnies, and enough Tostitos to kill a horse. But, wait, that's not all! The sponsers have decided to sweeten the pot a bit with this magnificent... trophy... sculpture thing.

While I prefer the old trophy, which consisted of a Troll doll nailed to a piece of plywood, this trophy is... well... special too, in its own right. The sponsors kindly give us a rundown of its meaning:

The inlaid compass on the base floor signifies the path in life we choose to lead. The players at the base of the trophy depict those that support the team, while the players at the top depict those that guard the ball. The curtain above the players is inscribed with the ancient greek word Nike, the goddess of Victory. The lotus flower designed dome identifies the purity of strength, power and heart of the victors. The perfection of the diamonds on the football speak of the remarkable dedication of the winning team to their sport.

That's fine and dandy, but to me it looks more like the bastard child of the River City Rivalry Trophy and that Bavarian stein I smuggled out of the Hofbrauhaus in my trousers after getting in a fight with nine pissed-off soccer hooligans from Hamburg (long story that my lawyers have advised me not to discuss here).