Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Stanford Tree Gunned Down in Gangland-Style Execution


Police interview witnesses at the crime scene.
BERKELEY - Police are still searching for leads in the sudden and tragic death of one of collegiate athletics' most beloved mascots, the Stanford Tree. The tree was discovered by security personnel in the visitors' locker room shortly after halftime of a Stanford-Cal basketball match. The guards were sent to look for the mascot after it failed to appear with the rest of the band following the intermission. Reports detailed a grisly crime scene, with the tree lying face down in "an almost impossibly large pool of syrupy sap."

The officer on the scene stated that "foul play was unquestionably involved here."

"I've seen my fair share of crime scenes in my 25 years on the force, but this one sticks out. This had personal written all over it."

Charlie Weis could not be reached for comment.



5 Comments:

At 12:03 PM, Anonymous captaineclectic said...

Must....resist...cheap...Cheney...joke...


OJ did it.

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger IrishOutsider said...

Clearly, the 'real killer' is to blame.

Normally, he kills the white girl too, but he must have been late for his tee-time on the 3rd hole.

 
At 12:29 PM, Anonymous captaineclectic said...

And at the scene they came upon a bloody metronome...

 
At 9:44 AM, Anonymous domer95 said...

Nah, it was Ty-ger...he wanted it chopped down, as his drives kept finding it for some reason

 
At 12:41 AM, Anonymous captaineclectc said...

Domer95,

Who do you think the real killer is? Remember, the Juice is looking for him on golf courses. And what California coaching decision oddly coincided with the murder?

 

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