Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Andy French Cup Kicks Off!

Allright, allright. I've conquered the demons of technology and the Andy French Cup is in business. This will be a season-long contest where you, the loyal viewer, have the chance to compete for Drunken Abusive Phone Calling's Highest Honor.

FAQ

  • What is this? It's a competition to see who among you can make the best drunken and abusive phone call to a college football personality. Based on the recently-famous exploits of free-wheeling gambler Andy French, who earned a felony rap by drunkenly calling Tyrone Willingham and giving him verbal hell.
  • How Does it Work? Well, since you obviously can't just dial up the coach you have a problem with, The House Rock Built has generously, and at our own expense, set up a hotline for you to leave voice mails. It's an online voicemail box that is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You'll be prompted to leave a message, at which point you can cut loose.
  • What Do I Win? A lot of respect, plus one piece of kitschy college football memoribilia of my choosing.


The Rules

  • Get Violently Drunk. I suppose being hammered isn't exactly a prerequisite, but it will certainly help you cut loose those inhibitions and let out the true monster within.
  • Call Whichever College Football Coach You Have a Beef With. In fact, it doens't even have to be a coach. Players, broadcasters, NCAA presidents, and sideline reporters are all fair game as well.
  • Give Them a Piece of Your Drunken Mind. I mean, really let them have it. Make physical threats, insult their mother, insult their apperance, insult their sexual tendencies. Whatever you want, very little is off limits. Just think about the pain they have inflicted upon you and cut loose. It's your stage, Cinderella, do whatever you must.
  • Send an E-Mail to the House Rock Built. You can do this the next morning when you're sobered up if necessary. Explain in your e-mail what your call was about, what prompted it, who you are, what you've been drinking and in what quantity. If it passes editorial muster, you're in the game and and your message will be proudly displayed for all to hear.


Here's the phone number for The House Rock Built's corporate offices. Again, it's an online voicemail through Skype, so you don't have to worry about anybody picking up or being awoken in the middle of the night. Call whenever you wish. Also, if you happen to be one of those folks who does the skype thing, you can call online to the screen name houserockbuilt.

(312) 239-0841



Just to kick it off, here's my sample project, a worthless and lame message I left for Bobby Petrino. I know you can top it, prove me right.

Thanks For Nothing, Bobby P

Submitted By:
fightinamish
Target:
Bobby Petrino
Alcohol Ingested:
Four Pabst Blue Ribbons
Reason For Call:
Inability to run up score during Liberty Bowl cost caller $20 in Vegas. Dislikes his physical apperance.


(click here to listen to message)



10 Comments:

At 7:40 AM, Anonymous Orson Swindle said...

May we suggest David Thompson as a rhetorical model?

 
At 8:00 AM, Blogger Cool Hand Mike said...

This could get interesting!

 
At 9:02 AM, Blogger IrishOutsider said...

bling is to blong as blingity blong is to...

Why did you hold back on your drunken stupor? even if it was a sample stupor...sigh. Im not mad, Im just disappointed.

 
At 9:12 AM, Anonymous Mike said...

You were drunk after 4 PBR's? Jesus, man.

 
At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look soon at Markmaybewrong.blogspot.com for a drunken Mark May tirade...Directed at Mark May himself! None of this sad PBR nonsense.

 
At 1:00 PM, Blogger Tom said...

Hey, PBR is never nonsense. A fine brew to get drunk on a Tuesday.

 
At 1:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

To clarify my previous statement I completely agree, though the person does not sound smashed on this particular clip and therefore the nonsense comment. Also the Mark May ran is up on markmaybewrong!

 
At 1:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

not to be a killjoy but there are a few things that ought to be out of bounds in these calls -- say, threats of violence, race/religion/etc., or the other things that can get you in trouble with the law.

also, the idea of calling a player and yelling at him strikes me as a bit much. unless it's Drew Stanton. in which case, tell him it's on.

 
At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Pellee said...

Since this isn't to real people, I say that is a lame idea.

 
At 9:58 PM, Blogger jimmmydean said...

Im way into the idea and I can promise I will prolly leave 4 to 5 messages over the season.
http://cheeseboxin.blogspot.com
And tell some of these commenters to lighten up

 

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