Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Born to Hand Jive

Uh, oh, it looks like there's a lover's quarrel between Southern Cal and ABC. And they seemed so happy together last year. Tragic, really.

Anyway, the long and short is that Brent Musberger gave away a secret hand signal during last Saturday's telecast which has sent the SC athletic department into a drunken letter-writing tizzy. Listen, ladies, if your signals can be decoded by the dim bulbs they stuff in the broadcast booth, they're probably in need of a revamping anyway.

If Southern Cal is upset about that revelation, wait till they see this. You see, I have availed myself of Southern Cal's entire secret language of hand signals, and here it is for the entire internet to see. Bring on the lawyers:

USC's Secret Hand Signals

(do not tell anyone about these)

"Hang Loose"
Signals that a receiver is in man coverage.

"Drowning Puppy"
Blitz is coming, everybody chop block at the knees.

"Blinkers On"
Very, very tall knee-shredding grass on this part of the field. Avoid if at all possible.

Let's run that play we drew up in dance class.

"Pull Over"
Watch out... obnoxious hanger-on celebrity pretending to be a USC fan on this sideline.

"Cut Engines"
Dude, shut up about the free house an agent bought your parents. NCAA investigators at 6 O'Clock.

"El Mano Cornuto"
I am an Illuminatus. The raven crows at midnight.

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At 9:43 AM, Anonymous mdr said...

What, no signal for "Hey, the chaffeur's been waiting for you and is that your bloody glove you just dropped?"

At 10:00 AM, Blogger Maize n Brew Dave said...


At 4:16 PM, Anonymous TXMed said...

Takes some cajones to mock your rivals following a humiliating loss.

What was Brady signaling when he fumbled that ball as he cocked for the throw? The international signal for, "Don't Hit Me!"

At 4:34 PM, Anonymous Phil K. said...

"The Bag Man":

Arm straight out in front of body, fist clenched. Unclench fist. This signal indicates, "the money has been dropped off. Awaiting further instructions."

P.S. Your Turing words are straaange.

At 4:46 PM, Anonymous boifromtroy said...

You forgot the "Heisman Pose"...

I guess it has been awhile for the Irish!

At 5:46 PM, Blogger uscroger said...

"What was Brady signaling when he fumbled that ball as he cocked for the throw? The international signal for, "Don't Hit Me!"

Probably. I'm guessing it was the Mr. Simpson universal, "Duh."

For those Domers who need explanation go here:

At 9:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I no longer hate 'USC'. I hate 'Southern Cal'. And my hatred for Southern Cal is almost approaching my urge to beat the shit out of Jim Tressel every time I see him in that stupid sweatervest.
I barely even care about Michigan anymore. Hell, I even gained a little respect (relative to almost none before) for Lloyd Carr. But please God, let ND beat Southern Cal this year. And please let Musburger be the commentator who replaces Keith Jackson. Amen.

At 12:44 PM, Blogger gwzimm said...

Did you hear that sweatervest has been selected as host for "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?


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