Dink & Dunk: Week One

Wink Dinkins & Buck Dunkowitz are two cranky bastards who are fully prepared to kick the ass of college football this year.

• Who had two hours in the over/under pool for first usage of the Swinging Gate in 2006? Well, thanks to Central Michigan, you're the big winner. Go buy your old lady some shoes so she'll stop with the yak, yak, yak.

  And, not surprisingly, the play was an abject failure, killing off CMU's rally and ending the game. Now that that's out of the way, we're waiting with baited breath for this year's first fumblerooski (UPDATE: mystery solved). I'm keeping a close eye on every game Urban Meyer coaches.

• I know the term "Game of the Century" is thrown around a lot, but goddamnit if this year's Temple versus Buffalo shootout doesn't qualify. Last year, those teams were fighting out in the last weeks of the season for their first win of the season, but this year Buffalo is sitting pretty at undefeated thanks to some overtime heroics, 9-3.

  Paid attendance: 29,795. Hope, she springs eternal.

• Ah, college football. The sights, the sounds, the smells, the pagentry. Plus, goofy sayings written on signs and t-shirts. My favorites:
  
  
  • Calvin: Defeating Catholics since 1509.

    (sign at College Football Gameday)

  • You Had Me at "War Eagle"

    (t-shirt worn by a comely lass at an Atlanta tailgate)

  • The Gipper is Dead

    Sign held by a female Tech student at GameDay. Um, sweetheart, that's... the point. The Gipper's story is... Christ, to hell with it. (slaps forehead and staggers away mumbling)

  • "GG, guys. GG."

    Tech fan to myself and the Irish Outsider while leaving the stadium after the game. Techies. What a buncha n00bs.

• A quick recap of this week's Prothrollings (i.e., vast, undeserved misfortune during a celebration): Michael Bush of Louisville and USC Free Safety Josh Pinkard. Both suffered season-ending injuries in the second half of red-assed beatdowns. Tough break guys, but know that you went down during the valiant quest of covering the spread. Pete Carroll and Bobby Petrino thank you dearly.

  
  
  Allright, there goes my lunch.

• Dan Hawkins is preaching calm after an embarassing loss to 1-AA Division One: Totally Bowl-less Division Montana State. Much like the time I "preached calm" after I won 200 bucks off of some low-lives at a bar on the south side of Chicago, I have the feeling Hawkins' preaching will likely end up with him beaten within an inch of his life with pool cues, dressed up in a clown suit, and left pantsless in an alley in front of a White Hen.

  I've explained my way out of two DUI arrests, a marriage, being drafted into the armed forces, and a public urination ticket (thanks, inconclusive DNA evidence!), but I have no advice for you, Danny Boy. Montana State? Yikes.

Well, that's all we've got this week. Catch you next week. Watch out for gutsy 1-AA schools from central Montana.