Sunday, October 01, 2006

Drifter Swipes Auburn's Laptop With Gameplan

In one of those amazingly ridiculous stories that makes college football so great (and blogging about college football so damn easy), it looks like there's some shennanigans going on in Auburn. According to the athletic department, a drifter made off with the computer containing Auburn's gameplan in a daring daylight heist.

Okay, first... what? Who lets a vagrant run around the athletic offices, swiping expensive computer equipment? What kind of halfway house are they running over there?

Secondly, and most humorously, Tuberville claims in the article that the computer is worth 15 thousand dollars... American! Now I own a pretty fancy computer what with my blogging addiction and all, and my rig doesn't even sniff fifteen grand. I mean, am I supposed to believe that Auburn's gameplan is compiled on a 8,000-pound liquid-cooled Cray T3E-1200E Supercomputer (buy it now on ebay for $13,500)? Isn't it a little bit of overkill to have a 134-gigaflop system devoted to designing gameplans such as:

10: Hand football to ridiculously talented running back.
20: Repeat 10

Greetings, Tommy. Shall we play a game?

For the love of Betsy, you've got to be kidding me. It sounds like Tuberville is putting himself in the running for the Nick Mangold Award for excellence in post-robbery insurance fraud. I mean, look at the guy. Does he look like the kind of guy who spends hours in a sweltering server room solving complex differential equations on South Carolina's defensive line shifts, or like the kind of guy who calls his 14 year-old nephew to talk him through loading up Spider Solitaire?

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