Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Dink & Dunk: Oops, I Crapped My Pants Edition

Wink Dinkins and Buck Dunkowitz have been in the bathroom for the last two days. They apologize for the delay.

  • Now that we've confirmed he survived the ordeal, I think it's okay to make fun of Joe Paterno and his loose bowels during Saturday's contest, which forced him off the field and into a fresh pair of pants for the second half of the game.
    When asked if he has trouble with his regularity, Paterno commented, "My body works like clockwork. Every morning at 7, I urinate, and at 8:30 I have a healthy bowel movement. The problem is, I don't get up until 10."

    Caught wearing a low-flow garmet on a high-flow day. We've all been there

  • This week, there's going to be a lot of ball-busting about the Irish's upcoming opponent Purdue. The big stupid drum, the mustaches, and their craptastic fans. But allow to put a sober, well-reasoned argument about how bad Purdue is. There are no Purdue bloggers. Zero. Go ahead, do a Google Search. Blogging interest is so low that AOL can't even pay somebody to be a Purdue blogger at the Fanhouse.
    Even Colorado, tailspin and all, has more vigilant representation in the blogsphere.

  • I guess Georgia has a quarterback controversy. Wait, not controversy. What's the word you use when you're forced to choose between a handfull of individuals who are equally incompotent?
    • A presidential election? (zing!)
    • The Big East Championship? (double zing!)
    • The Miami - Florida State game? (ba-zing!)
    • Shit, I'm out of material.
  • Here's a game I'd like to see: combine Central Michigan, Eastern Michigan, and Western Michigan and have them play against the combined forces of North Texas, Rice, and Sam Houston State (yes, that's Texas' September schedule) in a battle-royale to determine which state has the worst Division 1 football in the world.
    The traveling trophy can be the "Gilded Cupcake".

    Now that's some bling.

  • Ole Miss should be renamed to the "Gateway to the bottom of the Top 25". Both Rutgers and Missouri have made it to the Top 25 on the virtue of a "big win over a BCS conference school" as both of them handled The Orgeron at home.
    Getting national acclaim for beating up on the Rebels is kind of like getting a college scholarship for beating my six year-old niece in Candyland.

  • Troy and Rice win the "Have Bodybag, Will Travel" award for fearlessly taking on a full-slate of non-conference drubbings from top 25 teams.
    A big thanks goes to Florida State, who graciously sacrificed their time to take on both of these teams. They were even nice enough to let Troy lead for three and a half quarters. Such a philanthropist, that Bobby Bowden.

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At 3:00 PM, Blogger Crazy Tom said...

But Texas has to play Rice, or we wouldn't go to the moon. Or something like that. No excuse for North Texas or The Sam being on the schedule, however.

At 5:39 PM, Blogger gwzimm said...

You are right on the money. If you look at the schedules so far of the top 10, it's really sad. But what gets me even more is wondering why people would pay money to watch Troy, Youngstown or some other no-name 1AA team anyway.,

At 7:16 PM, Blogger Kilted Domer said...

Unfair comments about North Texas. My wife went to North Texas and she was very excited that they scored their first touchdown against the Longhorns since... um... Davy Crockett and the Alamo.

At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Eh, maybe not the best week for the Rice "bodybag" award.

At 11:40 AM, Blogger Maize n Brew Dave said...

the Gilded Cupcake was pure genius.

At 12:20 PM, Anonymous Ben said...

CMU arguably put up more of a fight against Michigan than Notre Dame did. I wouldn't want to play the Chips right now if I were Charlie Weis.

At 5:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha ha. Equally incompetent. Kind of like the ND entire defense. Can't blame inexperience on that one though.

At 8:15 AM, Blogger gwzimm said...

As much as the big10 plays a bunch of pussies (including most of their own conference), the gilded cupcake should be awarded to west Va for their rigorous schedule. Why don't they just go ahead and schedule high schools? Might as well.

At 10:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

come on... western mich. is decent... greg jennings is starting for the packers, from wmu.

At 9:30 AM, Blogger gwzimm said...

Yeah, and the Packers are great, too!

At 12:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for any of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. Now, there are commercial ties between nearly every industry and every public figure. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘good will’ BS. ITS A LIE. If you fall for it, then you’re a fool. If you see any real difference between the moral character of a celebrity, politician, attorney, or executive, then you’re a fool. WAKE UP PEOPLE. ITS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY. The 1% club will always say or do whatever it takes to get as rich as possible. Without the slightest regard for anything or anyone but themselves. Vioxx. Their idea. Sub-prime. Their idea. NAFTA. Their idea. Outsourcing. Their idea. The commercial lobbyist. Their idea. The multi-million dollar lawsuit. Their idea. $200 cell phone bills. Their idea. $200 basketball shoes. Their idea. $30 late fees. Their idea. $30 NSF fees. Their idea. $20 DVDs. Their idea. Subliminal advertising. Their idea. The MASSIVE campaign to turn every American into a brainwashed credit card, pharmaceutical, love-sick, celebrity junkie. Their idea. All of which concentrate the world’s wealth and resources and wreak havok on society. All of which have been CREATED AND ENDORSED by celebrities, athletes, and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘ good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. EXTREME WEALTH HAS MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.


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