Monday, November 20, 2006

If You Don't Hate Pete Carroll, There is Something Seriously, Seriously, Seriously Wrong With You

God, I hate Pete Carroll. I hate his smug, dopey face. I hate his leg-humping chihuahua enthusiasm, I hate the way he jumps up and down like a ten year old on a Mountain Dew bender during the games. But mostly, I just hate Pete Carroll. There's some sort of intangible mojo, some sort of je ne sais quoi about him that fires up a deep and primitive hatred and causes an ordinarly normal and peace-loving individual to became engorged with an overpowering urge to rip the heads off of small furry mammals and push helpless children and infirm, elderly people into a meat freezer while gorging myself on the blood of my enemies.

So keep in mind that I already felt that way before I saw... this. This... this... this... monstrosity. This brutal violation of all things good and merciful in the world. This soulless raping of the very conventions of decency in humanity. I got about halfway through it before I clawed my eyeballs out with quivvering and unquenchably violent fingernails. It's so, so, so awful, and it's such an embodiment of everything that is awful about Pete Carroll. If you watch this flash intro to his website in its entirity and still do not hate Pete Carroll, then you are a depraved husk of a human being who does not belong in society.



Just for reference:
  • This is Pete Carroll's personal website. This is not a website made by somebody who hates Pete Carroll and wants to make him look like an idiot, although it's very easy to confuse it as one.
  • That flash intro is the splashscreen on his site. Pete is under the assumption you will watch this... this... this... thing in its entirity before you move onto the content of his website.
  • I am embedding it in this post, and there's no control on it to keep it from autoplaying. This means that every time you load up the House Rock Built, you will be immediately greeted by this music and that shit-eating grin from now until gameday. Why am I doing this? To get the hate flowing. Don't immediately mute it. Spend a few seconds listening to it and feeling the hatred boil inside of you. That hate will give you strength. Feel it flow through your body.
  • Let's beat the Trojans this Saturday and wipe that galling grin off of the Poodle's face. As soon as humanly possible.


UPDATE: Okay, so it's not embedded anymore. That song is really annoying.

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66 Comments:

At 2:05 AM, Blogger The Shark said...

"The Humanitarian" is my favorite part of the little Pete Carrol intro. What, does he go and fight AIDS in Africa while rebuilding New Orleans from Hurricane Katrina between breaking down each opponents game tape? I guess Reggie Bush might tell you how great of a guy he is, helping out with the free housing and all.

 
At 6:14 AM, Blogger gwzimm said...

Nice post......Petey would best be suited as Borat's girlfriend

 
At 7:43 AM, Anonymous Sean Fitzgerald said...

I know it's cliche, but...

BEAT SC!

 
At 8:22 AM, Anonymous PasadenaDomer said...

What is all the fuss about? Living out here in Trojanland, this would not surprise you. If every Trojan had a web site, this is what it would look like. While the Poodle did not graduate from SC, he sure has the personality, arrogance and narcissistic traits of most Trojan’s I know and have to live with day in and day out. In fact, it appears he has downplayed it a bit, but then again, he did not graduate from SC.

Go Irish!

 
At 8:28 AM, Anonymous samari said...

I share your hatred of Peewee Pete and can possibly go even further. I hate the fact that he was such a shitty, shitty coach in New England. I hate that he moves to college and finds one of the best OCs in the game and all of a sudden he's a super genius.

Charlie always had Pewee Pete's number in the NFL and cleaned up his mess several times. Here's to kicking some poodle ass!

 
At 9:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are kidding right? Have you even tried starring at your own goddamn coach for five minutes?! What a fat ass. Makes me want to barf.

Okay that was a little bit over the top. But seriously, is there are a less attractive coach in D-I sports than Charlie Weis? I'm being dead serious.

And I say that because you're throwing out insults about Pete's "dopey face." At least keep the insults to Pete's personality or something; rather than his physical characteristics.

 
At 9:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this guy has a point, charlie is fat.. but at least he has balls - thats more then pete can say.
As far as being the least attractive coach in 1-A allow me to present:
Exhibit A
and
Exhibit B

I say good day to you sir
Go irish, beat trojans

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger fightinamish said...

Seriously, anonymous. Mark Mangino is the beginning and the end of the "fattest coach in football" debate.

 
At 11:31 AM, Blogger sandyunderpants said...

Charlie Weis has balls and Pete Carrol doesn't? If CW has balls he can't see them without a mirror, that's for sure. You don't go 55-3 without balls.

PC's a shitty coach in new england? To put it in perspective, he's the 2nd winningest New England head coach in their club's history. Maybe New England is just a shitty program, sans Bellicheck. Furthermore you don't compete for 4 straight national championships because you're a shitty coach.

If Charlie Weis ever gets ND to beat a team with a winning record, his ego will outgrow Indiana. He's already doing 60 minutes interviews taking credit for being the best coach in college football and the guy has done nothing in 2 seasons, but lead Notre Dame to their most embarrassing home-loss in 50 years, beat a bunch of below .500 teams a top program SHOULD beat, and kept it close in a loss to Pete Carroll.

Go Irish!!!... right to your 14th straight year without a bowl win.

 
At 11:44 AM, Anonymous Matt said...

Wow, you were right about letting the hate build up. It's barely 9:30 in the morning and I've already told three trojans fans to "fuck off."

 
At 1:23 PM, Blogger gwzimm said...

PLEASE, PLEASE, get this fucking asshole's ugly picture off the blog. I can't stand looking at this prissy little pimp. Where's OJ now that we need him?

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger USCsuperFan said...

Maybe your hate really comes from Pete Carroll's 4-1 record against Notre Dame, including 3 straight wins by 31 points?

Just taking a guess.

And as far as being a humanitarian, Pete Carroll has actually done a lot for the community, especially regarding gang intervention programs and the like. The guy has a tremendous amount of energy.

 
At 2:16 PM, Anonymous Steve said...

Pete Carrol is a solid college coach. He is a motivator and a recruiter and plays the political game well. He was a TERRIBLE pro coach - make no bones about it he SUCKED.

The is website proves that USC is a good match for him.

I haven't looked around, but if ND beats SC and the NC game is OSU v Michigan, doesn't that make the Rose Bowl ND vs SC rematch? Rose Bowl gets its pick cause OSU isn't coming - they take MIchigan for sure UNLESS Michigan isn't available. Next best team is ND.

 
At 3:11 PM, Anonymous NDDL99 said...

Nothing says "FOOTBALL!" like Mendelssohn's 5th Symphony set to a cheesy, synthesized rock beat.

Pardon me while I go throw up my colon into a bucket.

 
At 3:13 PM, Anonymous NDDL99 said...

Crap. I meant 4th Symphony. Clearly, I'm not the man of culture that Monsieur Poodle is.

 
At 3:46 PM, Anonymous matt said...

can someone send this to our team? i want trojan heads to roll.

 
At 5:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Charlie "fat-fuck" Weis is the most disgusting arrogant coach ever. After administering a beatdown this year, we are going to show Jimmy "emu" Clausen what D-I football is all about next year.

 
At 6:49 PM, Anonymous JJ said...

#1, Steve Spurrier is the most arrogant coach ever. And #2, all coaches in college football are arrogant. [INSERT FAT JOKE] Charlie is at least straight about it. I remember someone asking him, 'Do you think you're the best coach out there?' He said, 'On any given Saturday, if you don't think you can outcoach the guy across the field, you have no place being out there.' (Paraphrasing of course) And when the media asks him stupid questions about his gameplan, I fully expect him to have a smart-assed response.

If there's any reason to hate Weis, it's that he likes Bon Jovi. Not that he's fat.

Brian, you're right on about the unnameable reason we all hate Carroll. And this website intro goes over the top. I always want to punch Tressel in the face whenever I see his stupid sweatervest, but I never could tell why I felt the same way about Carroll. And I second Matt on forwarding this to the team. They'll need the extra motivation.

 
At 6:51 PM, Anonymous jj said...

They'll need the extra motivation...because this year, they can't grow the grass so long.

(needed to finish my thought.)

 
At 7:03 PM, Anonymous S.K.L.M. said...

Motivation Dept.:

I would suggest you NOT forward the Pete Carroll web thing to the team.

It will just demoralize them, seeing accomplishments from a USC team that plays real competition, and not just academies and other patsies.

Why remind the boys that they will graduate without beating USC, even once?

 
At 7:17 PM, Blogger fightinamish said...

Hey, at least they'll graduate.

 
At 7:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMFAO!!!

Notre Dame is so overated. Who do they play? They have not beat a top 25 team in how long?...Thank You!!

 
At 8:14 PM, Blogger Joe said...

Glad you appreciated my comment over on the Irish Trojan blog. I enjoy your site, keep up the good work.

 
At 9:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, ND has beaten 2 top 25 teams this year. Their loss also came to the #2 team in the country. But what was OSU ranked when they beat USC this year? Oh, right, they weren't.

 
At 9:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bunch of mid-west jack-asses, the grass won't be 3 ft high this year! you bringing rudy with you? i don't know who whines the loudest... espn of the irish we all know the whole big ten whine. but not like the irish. when you can knock off a michigan or a ohio st. who the fuck is army/navy/air force? you would never see a team with that kind of callibur on our field.

 
At 11:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't wait for our linebackers to remove Brady QUinn's head from his body. If I played for Notre Dame, I would feel like a piece of shit knowing that the only reason they go to bowl games is because of their fan base and not their talent on the field. I can't wait till Saturday when we get a good look at USC's depth chart, as the Trojans should gut the Irish early letting some new blue chippers into the game. Stafon Johnson, a 5-star recruit is looking for garbage time, and I expect him to get it in the second half when we are up by more than 2 td's.

 
At 11:59 PM, Anonymous captaineclectic said...

Everyone who knows me expects me to flame the shit out of SC right now. It's not happening.

You've earned it, SC--you've earned the right to gloat. So keep gloating. I'd do the same if the shoe was on the other foot and I'd be a liar to deny it.

I love the hate on this thread, and I especially love that it's flowing both ways. This is fucking Hate Week. This is what makes college football great. I'll hate SC till we own them like we did under Lou--and then I'll hate them some more. I hope they feel the same way way about us.

 
At 6:33 AM, Anonymous Eddie said...

That music....argh...make it stop!!!

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger gwzimm said...

Ah, the Trojan pride....will O.J. be the guest of honor?

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger gwzimm said...

On further review, the current USC streak is nothing we haven't seen before. In the 50's it was MSU...they are now crap. In the 90's it was Miami...they do their best to embarrass themselves more and more each year. USC will go the same way...arrogant assholes that they are....

The Poodle will have his day in the sun, then come crashing back to reality.....

 
At 11:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, I love the smell of ND hate in the morning. But honestly, trash Pete Carroll as much as you can. Call him a coward and call your fat coach gutsier with his attacks on our nation's troops (yeah, its real gutsy to beat up on Army, Navy, and Air Force). Insult us as much as you can. It will just make it that much sweeter when we trash your pitiful program on our field again, for the fifth consecutive time.

Oh and speaking of gutsy, I'm trying to remember who won the game last year at your house. Or just what bowls your team has won in the last 13 years. Or what exactly the score was between you and Ohio State last year.

Anyway, I'm a little worried for you guys, worried that your coach may die from a heart attack from eating too many cheeseburgers during Thanksgiving.

Jeff from LA

 
At 12:20 PM, Anonymous sklm said...

Befuddled As Charlie Without Cheeseburgers:


Why did Charlie keep his 'stars' deep into the Army game, when it was over in the second period?

What kind of DISRESPECT is that for our boys that will soon risk their lives for you and me?

Is Notre Dame just plain un-American and as French as their name?

 
At 12:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WEY WHEN YOU GUYS CAN PUT A WEST VIRGINIA ,VIRGINIA TECH, A TEXAS, LETS SAY A LSU,A OKLAHOMA AND STOP PUTTING THOSE CHEESE BURGERS ON THE FIELD......May be real team will take you serious!

 
At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Domer95 said...

I guess these Condom posters forget the following:

1983: 27-6
1984: 19-7
1985: 37-3
1986: 38-37
1987: 26-15
1988: 27-10
1989: 28-24
1990: 10-6
1991: 24-20
1992: 31-23
1993: 31-13
1994: 17-17
1995: 38-10

What goes around comes around (just that we tend to put the smackdown on for longer). While you may revel in beating us when we had arguably our worst coach ever, your dominance is at an end. Our Fat-Man nearly beat Peety with most of Ty-ger's players and don't be jealous that Clausen chose ND over his 'backyard school'. It was the first, and most definitely won't be the last.

Peety should heed the advice of another Southern Cal resident, Bob Barker, and 'have himself spayed/neutered'.

GO IRISH!!!!!
BEAT TROJANS!!!!!

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger Dirk Calloway said...

Carroll's site is just as impressive as that of the man, the legend, Mike Williams. Check it out, this kid is going to be a star.

 
At 1:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Notre Dame had a great little program back in the 80's.

Go Trojans!

 
At 1:13 PM, Anonymous eazy-e said...

It's no mystery why many of the starters stayed in the game. It was the last home game for the seniors (or didn't you notice the green jerseys?), so Charlie wanted to let them savor it. At any rate, it certainly wasn't disrespectful. My dad is a Vietnam Veteran and was ROTC at Notre Dame, and he didn't think it was out of line.

 
At 1:14 PM, Anonymous mike said...

if i hear that flash intro one more time i'm going to kick a baby in the neck.

 
At 1:17 PM, Anonymous JAM said...

I wouldn't say I hate the Irish. They are a novelty. Like the old sexual predator in "Family Guy." Potentially viscious in theory but mostly impotent and laughable. ND is like the little dog with three legs that everyone seems to root for but laughs uncontrollably when they get too excited and fall on their face.

 
At 1:41 PM, Blogger gwzimm said...

Amish,\

You gotta get rid of that poodle nonsense when we log on. I've resorted to disconnecting my speakers.

Any truth to the rumor OJ will be at the game this weekend, or that Charles Manson will be getting an honorary degree?

 
At 1:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did anyone get past the splash page?? You can join the Pete Carrol fan club, which gets you a pic and an invite to Pete Carrol Day! You an also get t shirts with that have Pete's initials - PC - designed like the traditional SC. LMAO.

 
At 2:49 PM, Blogger Pete Falzarano said...

You SC fans kill me. First of all, Notre Dame has students from all over the globe, not just the mid-west. Secondly, ND admissions requires outstanding scholastic and athletic accomplishments. USC requires you’ve been diagnosed with bulimia and/or an STD contracted during same-sex “experimentation” in the last 4 years. For almost 80 years ND has owned the Trojans with the exception of two short stretches: the late 60s, early 70s and 2002-2005. That crap ends Saturday. Domer95 was right to point out the stretch of victories ND had over USC. It was fondly referred to as the Decade of Dominance. There were even billboards in L.A. pleading for USC to beat us during that run. Now that’s domination, losers. There’s only one “greatest football program ever”, and you happen to be commenting on a site that’s dedicated to them. So please, all of you SC fans, please shut the fuck up and go back to watching the Ellen Degeneres show – as part of the studio audience. You prancing faggots. - http://notredamepost.blogspot.com/

 
At 2:57 PM, Blogger Pete Falzarano said...

Oops, almost forgot. I know these Comments are spell-checked, but will someone please inform USCSuperFan that he spelled his name wrong. I believe its spelled with a ‘g’, not an ‘n’. God I love this time of year, what the Trojans refer to as Notre Dame Week.

 
At 4:31 PM, Blogger USCsuperFan said...

pete falzarano,

You also misspelled your own name. It should be spelled "the A-hole Domer who can't come up with a funny joke to save his life". And it's not "Notre Dame Week", it's the "Notre Dame Streak", as in 4-in-a-row about to be 5-in-a-row.

 
At 4:53 PM, Blogger Doug said...

Somewhere Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons just watched this thing and put his fist through his computer screen.

 
At 4:58 PM, Blogger USCsuperFan said...

Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons is a bitter little man. He was stewing in his own juices from about October 2002 till January 3, 2006.

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger Steedle said...

Holy crap, can you edit this so it will just link to petecarroll.com? It plays as soon as you load your site. Ugh.

 
At 5:09 PM, Anonymous jj said...

Thanks for this post, Brian. The vitriol in this comment thread (and that flash animation, too) is getting me almost as fired up for this year's game as I was for last year's. GO IRISH!!!!!

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger Clashmore said...

i fucking hate usc

 
At 7:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I suggest Pete arrange date with Cynthia Mcinney to go see one of OJ's movies together

 
At 11:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

and the moral of the story is:

Catholics and Condoms do not mix.

 
At 3:50 AM, Blogger Clashmore said...

you've inspired me to rant in my recent blog post.

this isn't like watching an accident and not being able to look away... its like staring at a nuclear explosion and not realizing that radiation is destroying all of your bodily functions.

 
At 8:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A guy I work with, not a ND or USC grad, suggested that perhaps Pete Carroll sits around at home at night and jerks off to his own website. I'd rather have a fat guy coaching my team than a giagantic fucking tool.

 
At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anyone ever notice Weis has an ASS on the front of his body? Or as one of my co-workers called it a "Front Butt." Funny Shit.

 
At 2:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For all your talk, for all your overrated pretty boy QB's ranting on with "Beat SC", for your overrated team who plays the patsiest of patsie schedules for a D1 team (Army, Air Force, Navy, Stanford, and lucky to beat UCLA - IN south bend-over, and lucky to beat MSU...c'mon!), for your fat - disgusting - fantastically overrated - dough boy - sloth for a coach.....SC is going to wipe their ass with ND this weekend. They are peaking - especially on D. You can hate Pete Carroll all you want but HE OWNS YOU, ND, HE OWNS YOU. And your silly overrated team is gonna get blown out on Saturday. Suck on THAT Golden Boner South Bendovers...

 
At 2:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yea Weiss does have a Anterior butt crack...Front Butt...hahahaha. But also, you'll notice that he has two sets of tits...he's got the obligatory man-boobs on the front where you might expect...but he also has a set of tits on his BACK as well. You know...kinda underneath where you'd estimate his shoulder blades are....though I know that's tough to see under so much blubber....but I'm tellin' ya...the guy could use a bi-directional, industrial strength, suspension (like a bridge)man-bra (or "Bro")

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger gwzimm said...

These SC fans seem a bit overly consumed by men's physiology...hmmm

 
At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Having looked closely at the teams ND played this season......None, not even Michigan have had the the defense that SC has. Look for Mr. Quinn and Mr. Samardzija et al to have a very, very bleak day!

 
At 3:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck next year. Charlie the Hutt has been exposed.

 
At 6:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, it got awfully quiet here after we reamed your asses. And regarding Coach Carroll's website, you're a huge, huge idiot. That website is owned and operated by a corporation. It's not his personal website. He doesn't have any control over the content, and even if he did, he's too busy reaming Irish asses to pay any attention to it.

 
At 2:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LA TImes is reporting Charlie Weis tried to eat Pete Carroll during the pre-game luncheon.... sadly, Charlie will just have to deal with sucking down the cock of touchdown whatever-make-believe-Savior-thing-your-cultish-old-boy-alcoholic-network- builds itself around.

See you at the Rose Bowl - Oh, never mind, fatso wants the sugar bowl --- he thinks it's a stadium full of candy. We'll see if his ticket will make it that long!

 
At 7:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate USC and Pete Carroll. They are overrated. They play in a weak conference. Seriously, the Big 10 and SEC are way better. I'm not a Big 12 fan, but I think they are better. Even the ACC has come up and they are a better conference. USC gets to stroll through the season, playing weak teams, other than Notre Dame(who, by the way, got screwed last year) and an occasionally decent UCLA or Cal team. I wish Pete Carroll would lose every game for the rest of his career and then burn down the campus before committing suicide.

 
At 1:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pete Carroll is a football imbecile. USC is good because it is so easy to recruit that incredible talent once these kids realize they will be surrounded by SoCal whores 24x7. They amass ridiculous amounts of natural ability, and have success because of it. They could just have one of the cheerleaders coach the team and get the same results.

 
At 1:00 AM, Anonymous Christine said...

Pete Carroll is awesome. He actually goes and talks to gangmembers in Watts and brings them to watch practice. I don't care too much about USC but he's a decent guy.

 
At 12:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At 2:49 PM, Pete Falzarano said...
You SC fans kill me. First of all, Notre Dame has students from all over the globe, not just the mid-west. Secondly, ND admissions requires outstanding scholastic and athletic accomplishments. USC requires you’ve been diagnosed with bulimia and/or an STD contracted during same-sex “experimentation” in the last 4 years. For almost 80 years ND has owned the Trojans with the exception of two short stretches: the late 60s, early 70s and 2002-2005. That crap ends Saturday. Domer95 was right to point out the stretch of victories ND had over USC. It was fondly referred to as the Decade of Dominance. There were even billboards in L.A. pleading for USC to beat us during that run. Now that’s domination, losers. There’s only one “greatest football program ever”, and you happen to be commenting on a site that’s dedicated to them. So please, all of you SC fans, please shut the fuck up and go back to watching the Ellen Degeneres show – as part of the studio audience. You prancing faggots. - http://notredamepost.blogspot.com/

At 2:57 PM, Pete Falzarano said...
Oops, almost forgot. I know these Comments are spell-checked, but will someone please inform USCSuperFan that he spelled his name wrong. I believe its spelled with a ‘g’, not an ‘n’. God I love this time of year, what the Trojans refer to as Notre Dame Week.

At 4:31 PM, USCsuperFan said...
pete falzarano,

You also misspelled your own name. It should be spelled "the A-hole Domer who can't come up with a funny joke to save his life". And it's not "Notre Dame Week", it's the "Notre Dame Streak", as in 4-in-a-row about to be 5-in-a-row.


Wow, Pete F - you are a total jerk.
An angry angry person.
I ran across you at a conference through your company in Raleigh....(yeah folks, google this loser)
You really have a problem, dude. Especially when you drinkin' bro.

 
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