FailTrees.com

Jim Harbaugh Writes Scathing Complaint Letter to Pac 10 Referees

Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh rocked the college football world this afternoon by firing off a tersely-worded, spelling-error laced letter to Dave Cutaia, the chief of officials in the Pac 10 conference.

The play in question happened after a Stanford punt where a Cardinal defender knocked down the ball with his shoulder pad and then another downed the ball before inexplicably running with the ball into the end zone after the whistle. Harbaugh stormed out onto the field and screamed at the officials for several minutes, demanding that the Cardinal be awarded a touchdown irrespective of the interference penalty, the fact that no Irish player touched the ball, the fact that there was no fumble, and in the rule that a kicking team can not advance a muffed punt. After flinging his hat into the stands, Harbaugh threw himself bodily onto the field and went completely limp, forcing one of the line judges to drag him by his arm onto the sidelines during an NBC commercial break.

In his post game statement, Harbaugh displayed an outstanding lack of self-awareness by calling out the football knowledge of the referees while, at the same time, demonstrating his own total ignorance of the rules regarding advancing muffed punts.

"We got a couple of bad calls. It's hard to imagine people don't know football any better than that. I still can't get over it. It was a really bad call. It should have been our ball and a touchdown for us."

While most people might consider an embarrassing childish display and a hilariously ironic post-game quote a successful day's work, Harbaugh showed that can-do spirit that has made him such an endearing figure in Palo Alto by not letting it end there, instead taking it one step further by sending out this letter to the Pac 10 conference this morning.

And Now, Your Inevitable Yakety Sax Video

Take your medicine, Wolverines. Take your medicine:

It's crunchy and delicious.

The Hangover: SDSU

We're really starting to empathize with the Notre Dame Fighting Irish this morning. Gradually bringing ourselves to a normal level of hydration, wandering around the city like some silent monk to restore our voice for Monday, we have to think that the players are feeling the same way right now. Saturday afternoon was like waking up from the bender that was 2007 and immediately trying to do long division. And even though we aren't exactly physically prepared to make the necessary critiques of the game itself, we're not in the most optimistic of places. In preparation for next week's Michigan game, we are heading to the local liquor castle for the following in massive quantities: Rum. Ice.

Just when we thought we were out... They pull us back IN.

The Stinging Bite of the Newspaper Smackdown

Rick Neuheisel made some waves earlier this week by taking out a full-page ad laying the smackdown to cross-town rivals USC.

Needless to say, we here at the House Rock Built admire the chutzpah of throwing down the gauntlet, particularly in doing so in such an old-timey fashion. Seriously, newspapers? In an age of television and radio and, ahem, blogs and such, taking out a newspaper to send a message is recklessly old-school. By god, I don't even think Pete Carroll even reads the newspaper. It would be much more effective to send a message via, I dunno, facebook or Twitter or some shit.

Mission accomplished, thousands of dollars saved.

Not surprisingly, Neuheisel isn't the first coach to take to the press for local trash talk, although there has been a pretty big layoff between the last prominent newspaper ad, when the 1889 Rutgers football team dropped the gauntlet on intrastate rivals Princeton. Sadly, Rutgers dropped its next 13 meetings against Princeton, which goes to show the dangers of hubris.

Pac 10 Official All But Admits Improper Use of Replay in Stanford Game

It's been a few days since the most blatantly awful replay review of all time, so I think it's time we take a look at what has shaken down in these days in the immediate aftermath of this travesty.

For one, we finally got a public statement from the head of Pac 10 Officiating, Dave Cutaia. In an e-mail he sent out in response to the criticism of the play, he is quoted as saying:

"The replay official felt he had a shot that showed the point of the ball hit the ground...

*First Lie.

...This is basically a judgment call on his part, as an on-field official might judge defensive pass interference.

*Second Lie.

So, let's look at the first part of the statement. The replay official found a shot... no, wait, scratch that... felt he found a shot that conclusively showed (whoops, he didn't use the word "conclusively") the point of the ball hitting the ground. Hey, that's not bad. It's an empirically-testable statement. Now obviously it wasn't any shot that we had available to us, the television-watching audience, because that one clearly did not meet the burden of proof. Ahhh, so it was a secret camera angle that wasn't available to the TV broadcast, right? They do have secret angles, don't they?

Q. What will be the source of the video for replays?
A. All reviewable video will come direct from the television production of the game.

(From the official replay policy)

Allright, no worries. Let's pretend you did have a secret reverse-angle shot that the television networks just didn't decide to put in their broadcast. It probably would have looked something like this shot taken by an on-field photographer:



Which even more conclusively shows that his hand is under the ball.

Moving swiftly along to lie number two...

This is basically a judgment call on his part, as an on-field official might judge defensive pass interference.

Now I'm just a simple caveman, but to me it sounds like Cutaia is admitting that the replay was improperly administered. Either that, or he doesn't know the rules of instant replay set down by the same conference that he is apparently in charge of officiating. You see, the second line of the aforementioned official document on instant replay clearly states:

Standard: There must be indisputable video evidence for an on-field officiating decision to be changed by the Instant Replay Official working from a private booth in the press box.

That underlining was not done by me for emphasis, that's exactly how it appears on the website. But, wait, there must be some wiggle room for a replay official's judgment call, right? I'll do a search of their rulebook for the word "judgment":



So anybody who has taken the time to read the first paragraph of the replay policy (a group which may or may not contain Cutaia) can sufficiently agree that replay is definitively not a "judgment call" and is, moreover, fundamentally opposite from judgment calls like defensive pass interference. Instead it requires, (everyone together now) indisputable video evidence, which Cutaia all but comes out and admits was not the standard of proof used in this specific reversal. The replay officials acted blatantly against their authority... it's black letter law.

Cutaia then declined to make public the names of the officials involved. Perhaps a smart move, what with all the crazies out there, but it still reeks of an institutional refusal to make anybody take accountability for what, in Cuataia's own words, was a clear-cut incorrect ruling. At any rate, it's these two guys. If anyone can track down a directory of Pac 10 officials with mug shots, it should be pretty easy to find out who these incompetent bozos are and keep track on whether or not they've been fired or reprimanded.

Posted With Just a Teensy Bit of Comment

All this excitement and teeth-gnashing and what-have-you about Jim Harbaugh's recent world bridge-burning tour with Michigan has inspired me to come out of hibernation and make a mockery of the whole subject. Oh, and maybe profiteer a little bit on the thankless labors of teenagers (hereinafter referred to as "pulling a Michigan"). You see, I think that Jim Harbaugh should put his money where his mouth is and try to impart some change on the system at his alma mater. My first suggestion would be to make a large donation to the University of Michigan earmarked for creating a new study center for athletes to help them get that ever-elusive Michigan diploma. Well, if the only thing keeping him from doing that is the inability to come up with a clever name for the new facility, well worry no more, Jimmy. The House Rock Built's got you covered.

So go on ahead and show your support for the Jim Harbaugh School for Kids Who Can't Read Good (And Want to Do Other Things Good, Too).

Fightinamish out.

Lord Gamblor Giveth, and Lord Gamblor Taketh Away

Those of you keeping score at home are probably wondering if the House Rock Built is still alive, after a disastrous gambling incident resulting in not one, not two, but six fucking slaps being dealt upon your beloved fightinamish. Fire Mark May has the blow-by-blow, and the official video of the street justice that ensued. Everybody under 17 years old, please leave the room. This video is not for innocent eyes.

What did the five fingers say to the face?

I'm Pretty Sure This is One of the Five Steps of Grieving

Everybody's pretty wrecked up about this whole Justin Trattou thing. We're in the five stages of grieving, and some people are whipping through them at a more accelerated rate than the others. Dink, for example, has bypassed the Denial and Bargaining and gone straight to Anger. Good on him.

(click image for full-size cartoon)

The Bulletin Board

It's Hate Week. If you're not hating, you're not trying. A-B-H. A - always, B - be, H - hatin'. Hate hate hate hate hate.

In the event that you do need a little more help, this post will be the official House Rock Built bulletin board. I'm going to collect up all the trash talking I've found and consolidate it here. I figure reading over this with the Pete Carroll flash intro music playing in the background should be enough to make any rational person run out and kick a puppy in the face. Hang onto that feeling. It will make you strong.

The House Rock Built's Official Bulletin Board How does it feel, Irish fans, to be pwned by a poodle? Like this, apparently. Woof. - The Irish Trojan (Editor's Note: If you don't understand what "pwned" is, go ask the kid working at starbucks with the bad complexion and horrible haircut.) You guys are kidding right? Have you even tried starring at your own goddamn coach for five minutes?! What a fat ass. Makes me want to barf. [S]eriously, is there are a less attractive coach in D-I sports than Charlie Weis? I'm being dead serious. - anonymous If [Charlie Weis] has balls he can't see them without a mirror, that's for sure. He's already doing 60 minutes interviews taking credit for being the best coach in college football and the guy has done nothing in 2 seasons, but lead Notre Dame to their most embarrassing home-loss in 50 years, beat a bunch of below .500 teams a top program SHOULD beat, and kept it close in a loss to Pete Carroll. Go Irish!!!... right to your 14th straight year without a bowl win. - sandyunderpants [Charlie Weis] may cry a few emphathetic tears for Brady Quinn’s familiy when, in his anger over Notre Dame’s blowout loss, and in order to feed his insatiable hunger, he eats Brady Quinn on the flight home. - The Irish Trojan (Editor's Note: Brave soul "Joe" goes where most of us wouldn't dare in his retort in comment #19. The gloves come off in hate week) Charlie "fat-fuck" Weis is the most disgusting arrogant coach ever. After administering a beatdown this year, we are going to show Jimmy "emu" Clausen what D-I football is all about next year. - anonymous LMFAO!! Notre Dame is so overated. Who do they play? They have not beat a top 25 team in how long?...Thank You!! - anonymous (Editor's note: OMG ROFL, twice in September this yr which was totally 4evar ago! LMA!O!) Bunch of mid-west jack-asses [sic], the grass won't be 3 ft high this year! you bringing rudy with you? i don't know who whines the loudest... espn of [sic] the irish we all know the whole big ten whine [sic]. but not like the irish. when you can knock off a michigan or a ohio st. who the fuck is army/navy/air force? you would never see a team with that kind of callibur [sic] on our field. - anonymous English professor (I presume) I can't wait for our linebackers to remove Brady QUinn's head from his body. If I played for Notre Dame, I would feel like a piece of shit knowing that the only reason they go to bowl games is because of their fan base and not their talent on the field. I can't wait till Saturday when we get a good look at USC's depth chart, as the Trojans should gut the Irish early letting some new blue chippers into the game. Stafon Johnson, a 5-star recruit is looking for garbage time, and I expect him to get it in the second half when we are up by more than 2 td's. - anonymous Oh and speaking of gutsy, I'm trying to remember who won the game last year at your house. Or just what bowls your team has won in the last 13 years. Or what exactly the score was between you and Ohio State last year. Anyway, I'm a little worried for you guys, worried that your coach may die from a heart attack from eating too many cheeseburgers during Thanksgiving. - Jeff in LA WEY WHEN YOU GUYS CAN PUT A WEST VIRGINIA ,VIRGINIA TECH, A TEXAS, LETS SAY A LSU,A OKLAHOMA AND STOP PUTTING THOSE CHEESE BURGERS ON THE FIELD......May be real team will take you serious! - anonymous I wouldn't say I hate the Irish. They are a novelty. Like the old sexual predator in "Family Guy." Potentially viscious in theory but mostly impotent and laughable. ND is like the little dog with three legs that everyone seems to root for but laughs uncontrollably when they get too excited and fall on their face. - Jam

That's installment number one. If you see any other good smack, give me a heads-up in the comments. Trojan fans? You're more than welcome to add as much of your own smack talk in the comments. Hey, you've earned the right to be a bit braggadocious. Just remember to make sure it's littered with spelling errors and broken syntax... wait, who am I kidding? Of course you'll remember to do that.

Blogjammin': The Boi From Troy

While it somewhat flies in the face of the spirit of Hate Week, I did keep up with my tradition of reaching out and chatting with an enemy blogger about the upcoming throwdown. Decked out in leather helmets and protective cups, the Boi From Troy and I had a civil chat about the game and used the opportunity to answer some burning questions about our rivals.

And then to fulfill our obligations as enemy fans during Hate Week, we both dressed up like pirates and had a heated slap fight.

I do it for the fans.

Anyway, you can read the other half here (link pending), and here's my interview with BFT:

• Okay, take a step back and pretend that Pete Carroll is the coach of another team... perhaps even your rival team. Would you hate his guts? I mean, have you seen the man's website?
  
  

  If Carroll were able to do for UCLA, Cal or anyone else, I would hate him as much as Irish fans hate Ty Willingham or Bob Davie.  I also hate USC's websites, which, I promise, will have some kind of flash animation before the season is done touting the unprecedented, history-making 2006 football team.  That said, as a person, I really like Pete Carroll.  His optimism is so uplifting, I think I'd like him to run for Governor when Arnold is termed out.

  
  
  
  Think big, man... President Pete Carroll.
  
  
• This clearly isn't the same juggernaut Trojan team from the previous few years, and yet here they are with a Pac 10 title in hand and two wins away from a national championship game. How has this team managed to sustain their level of success despite undergoing a major face lift?
  
  

  Whereas Notre Dame front-loaded its schedule, this Trojan team has a back-loaded schedule.  That has allowed them to improve over the course of the season to the point that they've been able to beat teams that would have grossly out-matched them in September. The other major factor is the defense.  Because the offense has been more methodical in years past, the defense has a chance to rest, make adjustments and game-plan--thus holding two of the most productive offenses in the nation--Oregon and Cal--to ten points or less.

  
  
  
• Which part of this Trojan team scares you the most? That is to say, what weakness or vulnerability keeps you up at night worrying?
  
  

  Two things scare me, especially as this Trojan team matches up against Notre Dame.  Despite improvements to the Special Teams, our punt coverage leaves alot to be desired.  Had they not given up a return for a touchdown against Oregon State, we would not be talking about a Michigan-Ohio State rematch right now.  Likewise, the offense's inability to finish drives this year is frustrating.  While Booty's numbers are comparable to Leinart and Palmer--if not better--we're just not punching the ball in for points.  Against a team like Notre Dame, that could spell trouble. 

  
  
  
  This man is very, very disappointed in you.
  
  
• How do you see this game going down? A "last one to score wins" shootout like last year? A surprisingly low-scoring grindout? As a follow-up, which type of game do you think would give Southern Cal the best shot at winning?
  
  

  I'd like to say that I think it will play out alot like last week's Cal game--a defensive battle opened up late by the Trojans--but I know better.  I think Notre Dame will put Quinn in the shotgun to avoid him getting pressured and making mistakes like he did against Michigan.  USC will try to take Samardzija out like they did with Cal's DeSean Jackson, by having Cushing jam him at the line--especially now that Carlson is out of the equation--which will lead to lots of screen passes to Darius Walker...which will allow Notre Dame to get some long drives, but not necessarily score touchdowns in the red zone.
  
  Meanwhile, on the offensive side of the ball, USC is going to try to run C.J. Gable for a hundred yards or more--regardless of whether they succeed--which means the game will come down to John David Booty's ability to find Steve Smith or Dwayne Jarrett on third or fourth down.
  
  I also expect Charlie Weis to do an onside kick after halftime.

  
  
  
• Do you think that this game should be a play-in for the BCS title game? More to the point, if Notre Dame should somehow find a way to win this game, who would you put in the second spot against OSU?
  
  

  Sorry, but that loss against Michigan gives the Wolverines an advantage head-to-head.  However, I'd put Florida or Arkansas in the title game before wanting to see a rematch.  Imagine what would happen if Michigan were to win the BCS game--the winner of a Notre Dame-SEC Champion Sugar Bowl could lay a fair claim to a national title as well.

  
  
  
  Stupid us, not losing to an unranked team.
  
  
• You have lots of connections in the USC athletic department, so do you know who killed Nicole and Ron?
  
  

  By "connections" you must mean "cancelled checks"...  While I know the BoiFromTroy is read at Heritage Hall, I do not think the Boi is all too welcome.  As far as Ron and Nicole are concerned, I have to plead the fifth...just like O.J.

Solid answers from BFT. You may now resume your regularly-scheduled hate.

Blogpoll: Too Obsessed With Southern Cal to Come Up With Good Snark Edition

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Ohio State	--
2	Southern Cal	2
3	Florida	2
4	Michigan	2
5	Notre Dame	2
6	Arkansas	--
7	Boise State	3
8	Wisconsin	3
9	Auburn	4
10	LSU	2
11	Rutgers	8
12	Georgia Tech	4
13	Louisville	5
14	Texas	--
15	Boston College	4
16	West Virginia	1
17	Virginia Tech	7
18	Oklahoma	2
19	Tennessee	4
20	Brigham Young	2
21	Nebraska	2
22	Wake Forest	13
23	Hawaii	2
24	California	6
25	Houston	1
Dropped Out: Maryland (#21).

Do me a favor right now. Go down to your basement or crawl space or wherever it is you store all your cardboard boxes from when you moved into your current residence. Gather them all up and pile them up in the center of your living room. Now, get violently, violently, violently drunk off of the brown liquor of your choosing. Now, off with those pants. Done all that? Allright, now throw Dropkick Murphy's "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" into your stereo and crank it as loud as humanly possible. The intro is a little slow, so get yourself psyched up by slapping yourself as hard as possible in the face on every downbeat.

The second you start hearing screaming, take off at a full sprint and jump onto your couch, catapult yourself in the air with the natural springiness of the cushions, do a triply Lindy, and come crashing down onto your pile of boxes with the full unearthly force of the great girth God gave ya.

Repeat.

It's fucking USC week.



Which reminds me... blogpoll...

Enjoy that number two ranking, bitchfaces.


• Michigan drops down to 4 after the loss. Michigan is a great team this year, but I think it's pretty clear to everybody they got completely outclassed by Ohio State. Despite what the final score said, it wasn't even all that close. Ohio State rolled up 500 yards of offense. Michigan scores a purely cosmetic touchdown and conversion aided on a phantom pass interference to end all phantom pass interferences. And Ohio State still enjoyed a double-digit lead despite three gift-wrapped turnovers that must have been caused by the invisible hand of Bo Schembechler reaching up onto the field.
  
  It's silly to put Michigan at number 2 right now, because a rematch would be pretty pointless. Although, quite frankly, I'm getting the feeling that the BCS Championship game is pretty pointless at this time.
  
  (yeah, I said "up")
  
  
• Not particularly interested in the rest of the poll. I kept the Rutgers-Louisville-West Virginia chain intact, which apparently all the other pollsters are too cool to do. Seriously, how is West Virginia ranked ahead of Louisville? Are you going to give me the "They're clearly not the same team that they were a few weeks ago" shtick?

If You Don't Hate Pete Carroll, There is Something Seriously, Seriously, Seriously Wrong With You

God, I hate Pete Carroll. I hate his smug, dopey face. I hate his leg-humping chihuahua enthusiasm, I hate the way he jumps up and down like a ten year old on a Mountain Dew bender during the games. But mostly, I just hate Pete Carroll. There's some sort of intangible mojo, some sort of je ne sais quoi about him that fires up a deep and primitive hatred and causes an ordinarly normal and peace-loving individual to became engorged with an overpowering urge to rip the heads off of small furry mammals and push helpless children and infirm, elderly people into a meat freezer while gorging myself on the blood of my enemies.

So keep in mind that I already felt that way before I saw... this. This... this... this... monstrosity. This brutal violation of all things good and merciful in the world. This soulless raping of the very conventions of decency in humanity. I got about halfway through it before I clawed my eyeballs out with quivvering and unquenchably violent fingernails. It's so, so, so awful, and it's such an embodiment of everything that is awful about Pete Carroll. If you watch this flash intro to his website in its entirity and still do not hate Pete Carroll, then you are a depraved husk of a human being who does not belong in society.

Just for reference:

• This is Pete Carroll's personal website. This is not a website made by somebody who hates Pete Carroll and wants to make him look like an idiot, although it's very easy to confuse it as one.
• That flash intro is the splashscreen on his site. Pete is under the assumption you will watch this... this... this... thing in its entirity before you move onto the content of his website.
• I am embedding it in this post, and there's no control on it to keep it from autoplaying. This means that every time you load up the House Rock Built, you will be immediately greeted by this music and that shit-eating grin from now until gameday. Why am I doing this? To get the hate flowing. Don't immediately mute it. Spend a few seconds listening to it and feeling the hatred boil inside of you. That hate will give you strength. Feel it flow through your body.
• Let's beat the Trojans this Saturday and wipe that galling grin off of the Poodle's face. As soon as humanly possible.

UPDATE: Okay, so it's not embedded anymore. That song is really annoying.

Who Wants the Second Golden Ticket?

Run, Charlie! And don't stop until you get home!

The time was, when it got down to the heated last few weeks of the football season, all you had to worry about was how the pollsters were going to react to what you did, then how the bowl game results shook out. Now, with the BCS title game, the BCS championship winner is decided in December (that is to say, the field is narrowed down to two teams, barring some wacky split title situation. What's even worse, they threw a bunch of computers into the mix, so that there are three unrelated measuring devices all working on their own bizarre set of laws and axioms that determine who gets that magical second golden ticket.

You can hack around in the computer matrices to get an idea of possible scenarios, you can spend hours and hours pouring over possibilities over beers with your buddies (check), or, fuck it, you can just come right out to the media and start pre-emptively crying like a little baby about the cruelty of the system and openly lobby for support from the pollsters.


Hey, win or lose, let the tears flow and the healing begin

Anyway, my insta-pundit analysis is up at The Fanhouse, and I go into some detail there about my read on the latest set of garbled data from the BCS warehouse. The long and short of it?

The bottom line? If you're a BCS lover who wants to see the system peacefully put together a championship game that will have the minimum of tears and bloodshed, you had better root for Southern Cal as hard as humanly possible this weekend, as USC winning out provides the most clear-cut claim to the #2 spot.

But if you like chaos, burning couches, mass rioting and decades-long bloodfeuds that might very well begin the slow death of the BCS, cheer as loudly as possible for Notre Dame to beat the Trojans. And just for good measure, root for Arkansas to beat LSU and Florida. Essentially it will come down to the mania of the pollsters and which team they irrationally catapult to the top of the rankings in reaction to their big win. If the numbers get really tight, it could very well come down to how these teams' opponents fare in the last few weeks, as every precious fraction of a point in the computer rankings will be valuable for a BCS championship dream. Also, don't be surprised if the #2 team in the polls is shut out of the BCS championship due to computer scores, setting up a perfect opportunity for a split title should Ohio State falter in the title game.

Just one man's take on this crazy drug trip known as the BCS. I'm getting that out of the way now, as I want to spend the rest of my abbreviated week getting mentally prepared for USC, partially because it's the biggest game in Charlie Weis' career, and partially because the more I think or obsess about the BCS, the further down the rabbit hole I fall, plunging helplessly into a dark insanity that no man can return from... which I can only presume is a bad thing. After this post, BCS discussion will be minimal, but perhaps I'll put together a "Tale of the Tape" for old time's sake (remember those?)


Oh, God. Why did I take the red pill?

Anyway, I'm flying out to Southern California on Wednesday this week, and between the traveling and turkey-ingesting, I'm pretty sure I'll be unable to give you a proper week's full of posting (again... I know. Commence the flogging). However, I'll do everything I can to get the hate flowing for USC, plus I have a Q&A with boifromtroy that will be coming up on our upcoming Blogjammin'. Now let's beat the hell out of some Trojans.

AP Pulls Back the Curtain, Releases Ballots

In a curious move that I've been screaming for for several years now, the Associated Press has released this week's ballots to the public. I'll leave the serious data mining for the more mathematically-inclined bloggers (and, I suppose, the hobo who stole Tommy Tuberville's Cray 9000), but it's pretty interesting to peruse some individual ballots.

One observation I noticed is that a certain overweight and unemployed hack journalist has Notre Dame at 16. Hmmm.

UPDATE: Before Brian panics, don't worry, I'm not talking about you. Har har har.

Also, a commentator noted that Craig James has a psychotic ballot. Georgia Tech ranked above Notre Dame? Fascinating. I'm pulling up a chair and waiting for a good explanation on that one.

A Tale of Two Broadcasts

In a series categorized by dramatic and hearbreaking finishes, Harry Oliver's heroics in the 1980 Notre Dame - Michigan tilt holds its own special place in Irish lore. Into the teeth of a fierce wind, the freshman from Cincinnati, Ohio was charged with the suicidally impossible task of booting a 51 yard field goal with no time left for the win. The snap, the spot, the wobbly boot, and history is made.

Thanks to YouTube, we have access to both home teams' broadcast of the game, and the contrast is hilarious. One one end, you have fresh-faced newcomer Tony Roberts, whose long and legendary career was just beginning (if I remember his interview with Mike Frank correctly, this was the first Notre Dame game he ever broadcasted). In the other booth, another legend in grizzled veteran Bob Ufer, who was entering the twilight of his career that spanned nearly four decades. While Roberts sounds like he's going to blow all the capillaries in his brain, Ufer sounds like an old man that has just been scissorkicked in the groin, as he audibly deflates, forgets where he is, and loses all will to live right on the broadcast.

Tony Roberts

---

Bob Ufer

And Notre Dame wins 30 to 29. And Notre Dame wins 30 to 27. And Notre Dame wins 29 to 27. Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it!.

Let's Tussle, Michigan Bloggers!

Tonight's top story: in a landmark achievement in diplomacy, two bloggers of hated enemy teams set aside their differences for a night and talk some football. I caught up with Brian Cook from mgoblog and, after donning our traditional Mexican Wrestling outfits, we got down to business. We had some laughs, some tears, and I think I might have been illegally fishhooked. But, alas, my gracious visitor brought along Big Ten refs who turned a blind eye to it.

On a serious note, Brian is just about the best there is at this blogging game, and while I've often bragged at the top of my voice while drunk in many a bar that I wouldn't piss on most Michigan fans if they were on fire, my straight-shooting chat with Brian gave me a moment of cognitive dissonance for my blind and completely irrational hatred.

Anyways, Part One is up at mgo, so after you've leafed it over, here is the thrilling conclusion:

I feel like a big part of this game's result is going to come down to that matchup of Notre Dame's D-Line against Michigan's O-Line.  If the Irish can stop or at least limit Michigan's run game, it will be a huge advantage.  Are you of the same mind, and are there any other matchups that you think are crucial?

The mirror universe matchup of Michigan's defensive line and weird LB/DE hybrid Shawn Crable against the ND passing game.  The first drive of the PSU-ND game I managed to see was the final one of the first half and it was an eerie recreation of ND's first drive versus Michigan last year: the defense sat back and got shredded. I don't think we'll sit back given English's propensity to send the house with gusto, but those blitzes have to get to Quinn, otherwise it'll be more of hurl-it-to-Smarjadjaizakziaka and Brian sad.

Well, this Brian anyway.

After the Vandy game I was giddy, but pressure was far less frequent against Central. We also dialed down the blitzing on a couple of respectable Chippewa drives.

No doubt about it.  I still don't understand why defensive coordinators still drop guys into coverage and challenge Quinn to beat them with short pass and no pressure. When Quinn has all day, he hurts people, steals their girlfriend, and then kicks sand in their face.

I think -- think -- we won't make that mistake.

So what's the story with Michigan's coaching staff shakeup?  Have you seen a noticeable change in how the games are called, or is it too early to judge?

Things appear wholly different on the defense. Last year Michigan was the kind of team to rush three on third and long; this year they're sending six with great consistency. Against spread formations and in passing situations we've been deploying a 3-3-5 with Branch, Woodley, and Jamison/Biggs on the defensive line with Crable functioning as a defensive end. There's been man coverage and stuff -- something we avoided like it was ebola-covered colon cancer a year ago. Everyone is pleased with the early returns.

The offense is different but also the same. We've implemented a much-ballyhooed zone rushing attack a la Minnesota or the Broncos which has crooshed silly pig foes. You might say "wait that's just CMU and Vandy," but Vandy just held Alabama to 3.4 YPC and CMU's defensive line is actually pretty good. I'm not ready to declare it a machine yet, but it is much, much better than last year. Also returning in style: the waggle. It's the perfect counter to the zone game and Michigan tight ends have been open by yards when we run it. So alot of the actual execution has changed.

What hasn't changed is the philosophy: slow and steady wins the Citrus Bowl bid.

Wait a minute, did i just hear you talking up Vandy and Central Michigan? No disrespect to these fine programs, but I think one can safely say that the Irish are heading into this game with the advantage of having tuned up against more meaningful competition. Is this a concern for you?

I do think the rushing results against Vandy and CMU are less than totally meaningless. That's as far as I want to take my praise. I'm actually not sure how much more we know about how ND stacks up against what Michigan is going to try to do on offense. Georgia Tech's running game was reggie ball and some zone reads. Penn State is breaking in four new offensive linemen and has a pretty mediocre RB. Michigan is going to try to pound ND all day. I don't know that we've learned all that much about ND's run defense.

How has your RT been holding up, by the way? He's a true freshman, after all.

I have been nothing but impressed with Sam Young. He's the first true freshman to ever start on the offensive line in game one, and that's counting all those years with leather helmets and four-point touchdowns. I've been paying pretty close attention to him... he's huge and he does a great job at mauling defenders and taking them out of the play. I have no doubt that he will be an All-American someday. No, scratch that, Heisman trophy winner.  TWO Heisman trophies.  Write that down.

How will he ever get them away from Emu?

They're going to make a new trophy for Jimmy Clausen. The Heisman is too pedestrian. Seriously, though, Sam Young has been very good, and that's good because the Irish were really desperate for somebody to step up at that RT spot.  He still looks like a freshman sometimes and he's still learning the nuances, but when he locks on and drives ahead, it's pancake city, baby.

It'll be interesting to see him versus Woodley/Crable/Biggs/Jamison. I hope he struggles. I do know that going into the year DE looked like a huge weak spot for PSU. No idea about GT... and Young did get pulled in that game for some reason or another. That matchup will be key.

Well we've covered a lot about the big uglies.  I guess we should at least take a gander at the skill position battles.  So, uh, has Steve Breaston learned how to catch yet?  If they gave yardage for getting one hand on a ball, Steve probably would have shattered every NCAA receiving record by now.

He dropped a slant between the numbers in our opener but hasn't made a real gaffe other than that. of course, he hasn't been asked to make any difficult catches. (Not that there have been any to make: Michigan's thrown one pass longer than about 15 yards, a 28-ish yard touchdown to Manningham late against Vandy.) He's been playing like people expect him to at this point: four or five catches, half of them screens, good yardage on those, but not Desmond Howard. I bet you see an end around to him, maybe a reverse, a few screens, and a few throws downfield. Add in kick/punt returns he should have around 15 touches. He's still a threat to do something ridiculous whenever he gets one of those touches but he's not a terror like we thought he'd be.

Michigan's hardly thrown in its first two games so it's hard to judge the WR core.

Especially because DeBord loves him some tight ends.

And who among us can blame him?

Sir Mix-a-Lot?

So, how hot is Lloyd Carr's seat?  I mean, other than being hunted down and beaten by you personally, is he in any other danger if he puts up another disappointing season? Like possibly an unwanted mandatory promotion?

(did you notice i used the proper number of L's?  See, not all Notre Dame fans are savages.)

Shocking indeed. I've gone on record far too often about this: he's not in any danger. Michigan just doesn't roll like that. It would take something really horrific to bring his job under threat, like a repeat of last year, and even then I don't think he'd get fired. And there are much greater threats to Lloyd Carr's person than me. Like, say, Joey.

Well, that should about wrap it up. I guess somebody has to go through this and correct all of my spelling and punctuation errors.

123 not it.

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Well, hopefully that was informative. Brian will be joining me for this week's Friday Night Lites, so we can touch on anything we overlooked here. My general impression from my chat is that this game is going to be won and lost in the trenches by the big, scary men who try to hurt people. You know what you're going to get with the skill players, and there's plenty of TNT on both teams to break it open. The key is which team will be able to dominate the line of scrimmage and give their playmakers an opportunity to scamper around the open pastures of Notre Dame stadium.