Monday, December 26, 2005

The Old Mailbag

Well, I've been out of town for a few days, and the old mailbox got pretty stuffed. After I sorted out the credit card offers, parking tickets, impound notices, and J. Peterman catalogs, I got to read over all the Christmas cards I've received from my friends in college football. Some of them were so heartwarming that they needed to be shared with you guys. Hope your holiday is as full of cheer as mine!

Dear House Rock Built,

Hope you're enjoying our spot up in Phoenix, you bunch of cheaters... haha, just kidding! Actually, we're having a lot more fun here in San Diego anyway! We got to go see the whales and I'm writing you this letter from the beach! The beach I tell ya! Things are pretty laid back... watching foxy ladies in bikinis on the beach and eating through all these extra bags of Tostitos we have left over from our attempt to bribe the sponsors. Have you had those scoopy chips? Of course you have, look who I'm asking. Man, those are fucking tasty chips. Seriously, if you want some, we have like hundreds of thousands of them here. I don't know what we're going to do with all of them. Do these things keep well? I know what's-his-face, Brent Guy from Utah State loves tortilla chips. I'll save a few bags for him when we play them in September, hopefully they won't make him sick. Well, my coconut-husk pina coloada is getting empty, so I'll let you go. Quack on!

Mikey B

Dear House Rock Built,

Things are great here in El Paso San Antonio! Wish you were here! Seriously, we really do. Anyway, we're here playing Nebraska or Oklahoma or something, but really we're just having the time of our life in either Central or Southern Texas, wherever San Antonio happens to be. Just yesterday, Chad Henne urinated on the Alamo! What a goof! Tomorrow we're going down to the beach and maybe some shopping in Ciudad Juarez. I don't get many opportunities to “Hab-lah es-pan-yole” up in Ann Arbor, so I'm hoping to hone my skills and score some bargains and perhaps one or two cervezas, if you know what I mean (it means beer, if you don't). Anyway, Go Blue! See you guys in September!


Dear House Rock Built

Well, it's been a tricky couple of weeks preparing for the South Clemsolina onslaught, especially since I don't have an office, staff, computer, or access to the team. But rest assured, I've got these Buffaloes whipped up into shape, ready to hoist that Champs Sports trophy and laugh right in the face of Steve Spurrier's son, Timmy. Anyway, I've been living at the YMCA in Orlando here, and I can't wait until the big game to show off my master plan. Sure, I've been informed that I can't come within 500 yards of the Citrus Bowl without being arrested, but little setbacks like that have never been too much for ole Coach B. Just you watch. I'll have my day.