Sunday, December 04, 2005

Dink & Dunk: Danza Slap Week

Wink Dinkins and Bud Dunkowitz would never pull their starters and stop passing the ball, even if they were up 70. They also demand that opposing coaches do the same to them, no matter how much the eight year-old players cry.

Nickname Contest
ABC's announcers spent a good portion of the day trying to come up with the best nickname for a day full of grueling, merciless blowouts. Woodshed Saturday, Blowout Day, and our personal favorite: Danza Slap Saturday.
This television program contains Graphic Displays of Who the Boss is. Not suitable for children under 18.

And the Dunky Goes to...
While we're in no way organized or, you know, interested enough in putting together a formal awards ceremony, we do feel that Karl Dorrell deserves a pewter statue of some sort. In the first quarter of yesterday's game, we bore witness to 2005's most idiotically gutless coaching decision. 4th and 5 at the USC 35, down 3-0 in the first quarter, Dorrell decides to punt with a 15mph wind at his back. SC scores in a few plays, and the rout is on.

Real Man of Genius
Dorrell made up for it by making an incredibly ballsy call later in the game, though. With 11 seconds left in the game, Dorrell flung caution to the wind and trotted out the two point conversion unit to attempt to pull the game within 51 (a mere seven possesion game -- just six touchdowns, six two point conversions, and a field goal away from tying it). While Dorrell's plan backfired and UCLA was stuck with an insurmountable 53 point defecit, we have to respect his courage for going down in a blaze of glory.

Please get these men a thesaurus
I am absolutely sick of the term "flick of the wrist". During yesterday's festivities, at least once per game (and in some cases several times) the commentators noted the amazing "flick of the wrist" ability of Vince Young, JaMarcus Russell, D.J. Shockley, and Marcus Vick. Sure, these guys can get rid of the ball quickly and put a lot of air under it, but the overuse of the term is maddening and comes off as stereotyping.
This just in, Fisher DeBarry announces his need to recruit the sough-after "wrist-flicking athlete"

Tastes So Sweet
My favorite part of Danza Slap Saturday is when the bowl sponsors have the winning team show off their bowl destination by comsuming their product. Behold, Drew Weatherford chowing down on an orange in anticipation of the FedEx Orange Bowl berth:

Matt Leinart draping himself in Roses for the Citi Rose Bowl:

And, not quite as pleasant, Drew Olsen downing half a bottle of Vitalis Maximum Hold Styling Gel to celebrate UCLA's Sun Bowl berth:

Have a great holiday, you losers! See you in Tempe!

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