Dink & Dunk: Heart Attack Saturday Edition

Everyone has a catchy nickname for a week of college football. Wink Dinkins & Buck Dunkowitz have officially dubbed it "Crap Your Pants in Terror Week". That's a trademark, bitches.

• Lost in the pandemonium of the last-minute heroics by Jeff Samardzija and the Irish offense is the fact that UCLA has a freaking juggler in their marching band. How dare you tempt the football gods that way? You got what you deserved.
  
  
  
  

  Sadly, their hackey-sack and "devil sticks" performers were physically unable to make the trek to South Bend due to a really, really, really harsh trip, dude.

  
  
  
• In the Texas-Nebraska tilt, Mack Brown totally tried to rip off Houston Nutt by running the exact same "fumblerooski to the midget" play that Nutt ran to perfection against Auburn a few weeks ago. This time, a very aware linebacker spotted the tiny guy crouched behind the line of scrimmage and smashed him into a flapjack. Better luck next time.
  
  

  He did pull out the stops with the timeless "lucky as hell fumble while the other team is icing the game". Actually, he stole that from Lloyd Carr, who called that play for Anthony Thomas against Northwestern in 2000

  
  
  
• Two ridiculously awesome things happened in the Washington-Cal game. First, Washington completed an incredibly ridiculous hail mary pass at the end of the game to force overtime. Second, Marshawn Lynch went crazy and drove an injury cart around the field, trying as hard as possible to kill as many people as possible.
  
  
  
  

  Third, massive schaudenfreude for Notre Dame fans. Oh, right, that's uncouth. Don't worry, Husky fans, once Willingham "gets his players", the wins will start rolling in. (stifles laughter)




• I wrote a lot of letters while watching the Clemson-GT game in an Irish pub in South Bend.
  
  
  • Dear CJ Spiller,
    You remain very fast.
  
  
  
  • Dear Reggie Ball,
    I wish I was good enough with words to craft a sonnet that wholly captures how much you freaking suck. And, look, you just fell on your ass and took a sack without being touched. Sweet muse!
  
  
  
  • Dear James Davis,
    You, as well, are quite fast.
  
  
  

Another good week, boys. Keep making me proud
-fightinamish