Monday, October 16, 2006

Dink & Dunk: Keep it Real Edition

Dink & Dunk served a one week suspension for knifing some nuns and orphans on the subway. Fortunately, they write a weekly column, so they're back in action for their regularly-scheduled feature.

  • You know something good is going to happen when they cut away in the middle of a game for Miami-FIU highlights. I knew before the clip even started rolling that there was going to be a hideous brawl. Way to keep it real, Da U.

    So many classic moves. The "kick the prone guy on the ground in the face". The "swing your helmet at people". The "liquored-up felon broadcaster jumps into the onfield melee". Nearly beyond parody. Well, nearly.

    Oh, and if Lamar Thomas is looking for new employment, he can always clean our pool while we get drunk and shoot him in the ass with a BB gun repeatedly. That's what you get when you try to bring your big-time shit into our house. Represent.

  • Dirk Koetter is a dead man. In case you didn't catch the last few minutes of the Arizona-USC debacle, he punted the ball away with one minute left while down one score rather than risk a fourth down and long attempt. A speechless Pete Carroll watched as his team kneeled the ball to seal the victory.

    That was literally, literally, literally, literally, literally the worst coaching decision I have ever seen in all of my years of watching football. But hey, good news, according to Koetter, "If I had it to do over, I would have gone for it." Trust me, you will never, ever have to do it over again, unless some junior varsity middle school team makes the blunderous error of hiring you to call plays.

    You guys wouldn't be calling me an idiot today if a bald eagle had swooped down and knocked the ball out of Booty's hands as he was kneeling it and returned it for a touchdown, would you?

  • Northwestern quarterback Mike Kafka has apparently lost his starting job. This is sad, because we love him ever so much.

    It looks like we've found out why. While universitites are usually very tight-lipped about the nature of injuries due to privacy laws, Northwestern's injury report this week was surprisingly candid.

    And so early into a promising career...

  • Reason #3849734239 not to live in Buffalo. The Miami(OH) - Buffalo game was postponed due to a snowstorm. In October. We will never bitch and moan about South Bend weather ever again.

    I'm just excited because Buffalo's answer to Jenn Sterger just became my friend on Facebook. She's quite the dish.

    Quite a set of jugs... of compressed oxygen, that is.

  • As we watched the Sunday Night NFL game, all we could think about was how much of a travesty it would be for Brady Quinn to get drafted by the Raiders. They are the Temple Owls of professional football.

    We were playing a drinking game with the following rules:

    • Oakland player or coach grimaces after false start penalty: One Drink.
    • Oakland player or coach slaps self on forehead after idiotic play: Two Drinks.
    • Oakland player or coach throws a piece of sporting equipment in abject disgust: Shot of Captain Morgan

    Suffice to say, we were asleep the entire second half.

    Die, liver, die!

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At 8:39 AM, Anonymous Pellee said...

I have this theory that the Pac-10 is making its coaches make these stupid calls against USC so that they can have a team in the title and a team in the BCS (Cal) and get twice as much money. It is just diabolical enough to be true.

At 9:47 AM, Anonymous Whitey said...

Now if you had to drink everytime Art Shell was shown on the sidelines with a vacant expression you could have been passed out with 10 minutes to go in the 2nd Quarter.

At 10:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does Art Shell have any expression besides a vacant one? Seriously, how on earth does this guy have a job in the NFL? And WTF is a guy who was running a bed and breakfast last year doing coaching a team? There are only two things good about this. One, watching the Raiders lose. Two, Al Davis will inevitably go after some horrible, veteran QB (Jake Plummer anyone?) and pass on Brady.

At 10:47 AM, Blogger gwzimm said...

Re; The Donna Shanana comments about UM-FI fight Sat. Nite.
On Monday, she said she hadn't reviewed the film but handed out one game suspensions. Today on ESPN Radio, she said she reviewed it "frame by frame" and the suspensions were mandated by the ACC and were fair. The coach, said "Don't look at the past, look forward." Who are he and that dwarf running the asylum kidding?

That school is and has been for 20 years a group of reckless convicts.

ESPN even fired the alumnus who broadcasted the games on the radio for inciting the matter.

God, I am so glad my kids never went there.

At 11:47 AM, Anonymous Judge said...

Attended a Miami game in the late eighties. Forget which year, but the one characteized as 'the drive'. We lost

Pregame, the UM students were chanting, "F##k Notre Dame". I was amazed later watching the tape rerun of how it had been bleeped out.

Walking out after the game I was glad I had Florida plates and no ND memorabilia on my car. The kids were urinating on and keying any vehicle that displayed such.


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