Monday, October 16, 2006

Dink & Dunk: Keep it Real Edition

Dink & Dunk served a one week suspension for knifing some nuns and orphans on the subway. Fortunately, they write a weekly column, so they're back in action for their regularly-scheduled feature.

  • You know something good is going to happen when they cut away in the middle of a game for Miami-FIU highlights. I knew before the clip even started rolling that there was going to be a hideous brawl. Way to keep it real, Da U.

    So many classic moves. The "kick the prone guy on the ground in the face". The "swing your helmet at people". The "liquored-up felon broadcaster jumps into the onfield melee". Nearly beyond parody. Well, nearly.

    Oh, and if Lamar Thomas is looking for new employment, he can always clean our pool while we get drunk and shoot him in the ass with a BB gun repeatedly. That's what you get when you try to bring your big-time shit into our house. Represent.

  • Dirk Koetter is a dead man. In case you didn't catch the last few minutes of the Arizona-USC debacle, he punted the ball away with one minute left while down one score rather than risk a fourth down and long attempt. A speechless Pete Carroll watched as his team kneeled the ball to seal the victory.

    That was literally, literally, literally, literally, literally the worst coaching decision I have ever seen in all of my years of watching football. But hey, good news, according to Koetter, "If I had it to do over, I would have gone for it." Trust me, you will never, ever have to do it over again, unless some junior varsity middle school team makes the blunderous error of hiring you to call plays.

    You guys wouldn't be calling me an idiot today if a bald eagle had swooped down and knocked the ball out of Booty's hands as he was kneeling it and returned it for a touchdown, would you?

  • Northwestern quarterback Mike Kafka has apparently lost his starting job. This is sad, because we love him ever so much.

    It looks like we've found out why. While universitites are usually very tight-lipped about the nature of injuries due to privacy laws, Northwestern's injury report this week was surprisingly candid.

    And so early into a promising career...

  • Reason #3849734239 not to live in Buffalo. The Miami(OH) - Buffalo game was postponed due to a snowstorm. In October. We will never bitch and moan about South Bend weather ever again.

    I'm just excited because Buffalo's answer to Jenn Sterger just became my friend on Facebook. She's quite the dish.

    Quite a set of jugs... of compressed oxygen, that is.

  • As we watched the Sunday Night NFL game, all we could think about was how much of a travesty it would be for Brady Quinn to get drafted by the Raiders. They are the Temple Owls of professional football.

    We were playing a drinking game with the following rules:

    • Oakland player or coach grimaces after false start penalty: One Drink.
    • Oakland player or coach slaps self on forehead after idiotic play: Two Drinks.
    • Oakland player or coach throws a piece of sporting equipment in abject disgust: Shot of Captain Morgan

    Suffice to say, we were asleep the entire second half.

    Die, liver, die!

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