Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Dink & Dunk: Oops, I Crapped My Pants Edition

Wink Dinkins and Buck Dunkowitz have been in the bathroom for the last two days. They apologize for the delay.

  • Now that we've confirmed he survived the ordeal, I think it's okay to make fun of Joe Paterno and his loose bowels during Saturday's contest, which forced him off the field and into a fresh pair of pants for the second half of the game.
    When asked if he has trouble with his regularity, Paterno commented, "My body works like clockwork. Every morning at 7, I urinate, and at 8:30 I have a healthy bowel movement. The problem is, I don't get up until 10."

    Caught wearing a low-flow garmet on a high-flow day. We've all been there

  • This week, there's going to be a lot of ball-busting about the Irish's upcoming opponent Purdue. The big stupid drum, the mustaches, and their craptastic fans. But allow to put a sober, well-reasoned argument about how bad Purdue is. There are no Purdue bloggers. Zero. Go ahead, do a Google Search. Blogging interest is so low that AOL can't even pay somebody to be a Purdue blogger at the Fanhouse.
    Even Colorado, tailspin and all, has more vigilant representation in the blogsphere.

  • I guess Georgia has a quarterback controversy. Wait, not controversy. What's the word you use when you're forced to choose between a handfull of individuals who are equally incompotent?
    • A presidential election? (zing!)
    • The Big East Championship? (double zing!)
    • The Miami - Florida State game? (ba-zing!)
    • Shit, I'm out of material.
  • Here's a game I'd like to see: combine Central Michigan, Eastern Michigan, and Western Michigan and have them play against the combined forces of North Texas, Rice, and Sam Houston State (yes, that's Texas' September schedule) in a battle-royale to determine which state has the worst Division 1 football in the world.
    The traveling trophy can be the "Gilded Cupcake".

    Now that's some bling.

  • Ole Miss should be renamed to the "Gateway to the bottom of the Top 25". Both Rutgers and Missouri have made it to the Top 25 on the virtue of a "big win over a BCS conference school" as both of them handled The Orgeron at home.
    Getting national acclaim for beating up on the Rebels is kind of like getting a college scholarship for beating my six year-old niece in Candyland.

  • Troy and Rice win the "Have Bodybag, Will Travel" award for fearlessly taking on a full-slate of non-conference drubbings from top 25 teams.
    A big thanks goes to Florida State, who graciously sacrificed their time to take on both of these teams. They were even nice enough to let Troy lead for three and a half quarters. Such a philanthropist, that Bobby Bowden.

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