Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Law & Order: Special Boosters Unit



Well, before we commence sarcastic commentary and baseless accusations, everybody take a second to read this story. It appears our favorite Unfrozen Caveman Linebacker and his roommate, Buckeyes Center Wes Mantooth Nick Mangold, had a break-in at their apartment, pictured above. The most entertaining part of this is the positively Maurice Clarett-esque amount of fabricated merchandise that was stolen.

The House Rock Built knows someone who knows someone who has pictures of someone in the Columbus PD, so we have obtained an exclusive copy of the police report. Among the notable items claimed to have been stolen were:

Item
Value
Picture
Comment
$3,000 in small, unmarked, non-consecutive bills
Approximately $3000
You know, pizza and beer money.
Video Collection
$1,425
Can't blame them here, who hasn't, in a drunken haze, ordered those Girls Gone Wild videos for nine bucks and then been to lazy to cancel your subscription as the titles pile up?
Two laptop computers.
$2,361
You try taking a grueling class schedule at the Ohio State University without one of these bad boys.
Gucci Watch.
$500
They used to be cool, until every college freshman in the world got one. Me, I wear a clock around my neck a la Flava Flav.
And I quote, "Two Microsoft X-Box games valued at $500... one Sony Playstation game valued at $250".
$750
Man, that Electronics Boutique in Columbus has some serious markup. I got my copy of NCAA 2006 for $39.99. You'd think Mangold, who is majoring in Business Management would be a more conscientious consumer.
Bengal Tiger.
$2,500
The new must-have pet in college dormrooms. And, uh, no, I don't have the receipt.
The Hope Diamond.
Priceless
It's just as well that it was stolen, the bastard is cursed.


Quoth the anguished victim:
"I don't have a lot, and now that little bit that I have is now gone," Mangold said.

"Why do you have to do something like that -- to mess with a poor college kid's stuff?" Mangold said.


These terms "poor college kid" and "don't have a lot", I do not think you know what they mean, otherwise I no think you would say them.

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