Off to South Bend!

Go fuck yourself, San Diego!

What You Sippin' On?

There's just not enough to write about these days, but the tension in the air is palpable. The season is nigh approaching, and thoughts start turning to lazy Saturday mornings, frenzied afternoon bacchanals, and hangovers that start almost immediately following the game and last through Sunday. We've been finding ourselves more and more at our local drinking establishments pondering the delicious value added of enjoying our favorite beverages in both sun and shade. We've even been coming up with some new concoctions we feel would bring the added elements of both refreshment and surprise to any tailgater.

Of course, this is where we say "You know how your favorite popular team is like this hilarious beverage?" Nay. Form your own conclusions.

So, college football boozehounds, what you sippin' on?

Tucker Max Death Mix
The gold standard and slightly cliched energy beverage guaranteed to take years off of your life. We know this and we still dont care. Mix 2 cans of Red Bull, one fifth of Everclear, and 32oz of the traditional yellow Gatorade chilled over ice for this trip to irrational exuberance. Personally, we're not saying we've already stolen the local McDonald's Orange Bowl to facilitate such a beverage...but we're not NOT saying it either.


Rum and Ice
On the other side of the boozing spectrum, we're also stocking up on quality depressants as well. Might as well prepare for the worst too, right? When the stark reality of your alma mater posting another lackluster season hits you in the face like a 3 month long bitch slap, you'll be glad you prepared. Rum. Ice. The combination of drunken poet kings, the utterly hopeless, and the generally deadbeat alike.


Red Moco Cooler!
The crazy half-brother of exuberance, irrational binge drinking. We're planning all sorts of ways to kick back like a senile Southern gentleman, but we doff our box social caps to the most recent creation of Dr. Rusty Venture. Kahlua, Hershey's syrup, and a dash of Red Kool-Aid! That.....sounds......HORRIBLE! Horrible indeed. For the thoroughly confused genteel boozer.


Purple Drank
The obligatory roll slower of the bunch. Specifically recommended for large, once-prominent, fan bases to resign themselves to the fate of interminable mediocrity. Grab some promethazine and jolly ranchers as you mix yourselves a tall glass of acceptance. Remarkably enough, the purple color is more than appropriate.


Barenjager
Finally, we would be remiss to leave out our favorite pregame activity, bearhunting. The Baron as we affectionately call it (along with Das Bearmeister, Der Bearhunterr, and NO! GOD NO!) is a tasty Bavarian treat for all seasons when properly chilled. The lovely carrying case is also built into the wicker handle, always ensuring that the meady liquer is always close by. Be warned, in large enough doses, bearhunting is the realest shit ever.


What about the rest of our loyal readers? We're sure the dozens of you all over the world have your own pregame preferences. No reason to keep secrets. We're all friends here.

Constructive Summer

The smell of fresh-cut grass, the mournful whine of police sirens racing after football players fleeing a bar brawl, and the fragrant aroma of mold being blasted out of a long-unused cooler combined with vomit from two-a-days. Football season is near, and there's nowhere to hide from it.

The House Rock Built has had a very constructive summer vacation from blogging. Needless to say, we were all in the need for a little bit of a breather after a soul-crushing year of pigskin in 2007, and The House was no exception. Between growing some mutton chops, recording some tunes, and blasting off to Hong Kong and Thailand for a few weeks to soul-search/feed tigers/father a child with a local/lose hundreds of dollars playing Sic-Bo, the batteries are just about fully recharged. We're locked and loaded for 2008, come hell or high water.

In addition to being back in business, The House Rock Built made some off-season deals that will, with any luck, increase the quality and quantity of content for you to gobble up. In a landmark deal, The House has acquired the services of The Kid from Fire Mark May, a hard-throwing righty whose rise from blogosphere neophyte to award-winning cult icon in a mere year of blogging captured the imagination of a nation. Needless to say, it wasn't cheap, as I had to ship Trev Alberts a carton of Newports, a conditional sixth round draft pick, and release the bodies of three of his recently-killed soldiers. As you'd expect, the exchange took place, like nearly all nefarious dealings do, on a runway of an abandoned airport in The Gambia.

The first known picture of The Kid.

The Kid will be blogging here under the moniker "irishoutsider", so you can probably expect the amount of zany, off-the-wall goofiness to roughly double, depending on work levels and alcohol intake. Cultivating hobbies and relationships are fine and dandy eight months out of the year, but once training camp comes, it's time to kick both to the curb, strap on your beer funnel helmet, and dive feet-first into the churning chumbucket that is the 2008 college football season. Gentlemen, start your engines.

-fightinamish

It Seems To Me We Have a Crisis of Confidence

I'll be the first to admit it, there's nothing fun about heading into a road game where you're 17 point underdogs. Throw in the fact that we're breaking in a new quarterback behind a slap-happy offensive line and that the whole operation looked like a train wreck last week, and you've got the makings for a potentially bad weekend. But I don't want to hear any loser talk, Irish fans. What you need is a shot of confidence, and I'm just the man to deliver that for you. You see, I've applied my long tenure as an abusive drinker to craft the perfect cocktail for your gameday consumption that will put the smile back on your face and a steaming pile of confidence back in your heart. Feast your eyes, dear friends, on the Shot of Confidence.

Tastes like... glory.

That's right, NyQuil and Claussen pickle juice. If this doesn't put a spring in your step and the will of a tiger in your feeble heart, then, brother, there's no hope left for you. So hoist 'em up, Irish fans.

Off to South Bend for Opening Day!

Later, skaters. The House is hitting the road for opening kickoff. We're heading down early so we can be up at the crack of dawn for some serious tailgating. Go Irish!

The House Rock Built is Deep Undercover

Well, ladies, it's football season, so it's time for The House Rock Built to emerge from his watery lair at the bottom of the swamp and entertain you kiddos for another fantastic football season. My first assignment? A dangerous secret mission deep in the heart of enemy territory. That's right, clones, The House Rock built is currently holed up in a hotel in none other than Ann Arbor, Michigan. But don't worry, readers, I made sure I was up to date on my immunizations before I stepped foot in this lovely hamlet (she is a whore, you know...)

A routine business trip put your enterprising editor right in the belly of the beast, and so far the subterfuge is going well. So far I've hoisted some pints with mgoblog at the local speak-easy, gave a loving vaffangulo gesture to the Big House as I drove by, impregnated several Wolverine co-eds, and, most importantly, I'm currently in the process of getting my smoking room at the Holiday Inn Express condemned by plowing through three packs of Parliament lights while blogging. I'm doing this for all of you. You're very welcome.

Anyway, so far I've survived. Any requests for specific defacement of the Michigan campus can be made in the comments. I can't promise I'll get to all of them (I can only muster up so many deuces, dammit. I'm not a machine), but I'll give it my best shot.

Happy Man-Christmas!

It's Man-Christmas, the most wonderful day of the year. So kick your wife and kids out of the house, call up the girlfriend or mistress and tell her you've got plans, and tell the boss you've got an offsite breakfast meeting or something, because tonight we dine in hell... with NCAA 08.

Early reactions after one day of gameplay: it's totally sweet. There's a lot more juking controls, which results in a lot more long touchdowns and hilariously embarassing defense. My second best moment of the night? Blocking an extra point and taking it to the house for two points. My best moment? Screaming and dancing up and down while pelvic thrusting in the general direction of irishoutsider on the other couch seconds after said PAT housing. It's gonna be a great year.

Just as a quick bit of trivia, EA Sports has solved the quarterback controversy at Notre Dame by pegging the starting quarterback as... Zach Frazer. Oops. Way to be on top of the game with that one, EA. Personally, I threw Demetrius Jones in there and tore everything up with the knifewrench attack.

Lord Gamblor Giveth, and Lord Gamblor Taketh Away

Those of you keeping score at home are probably wondering if the House Rock Built is still alive, after a disastrous gambling incident resulting in not one, not two, but six fucking slaps being dealt upon your beloved fightinamish. Fire Mark May has the blow-by-blow, and the official video of the street justice that ensued. Everybody under 17 years old, please leave the room. This video is not for innocent eyes.

What did the five fingers say to the face?

It's Time to Get Our Gamble On

As we pack up the Truckster Family Road Queen for tomorrow's pilgrimage to South Bend for the spring game, we're throwing up one last post here to go on the record. While the spring game is a life-saving offseason fix for football junkies who are struggling through this long stretch of forced pigskin celibacy, it's ultimately a glorified practice. It's difficult to get too worked up about a split-squad scrimmage with red-jerseyed quarterbacks, at least not to the typical level of bloodlust that we're used to on an average trip to Notre Dame stadium. Fortunately, the good lord has blessed us with two invaluable tools to spice up the action this weekend: booze and gambling.

With the booze already handily taken care of, the Irish Outsider and myself have conferred in our hollowed-out volcano lair this week and come up with seven wagers on the Blue Gold game that will be sure to keep us locked in on the action on the field. What are the stakes, you ask? It's not money, since that's no real motivator (hell, the Irish Outsider drives around on a solid-gold Segway encrusted with Condor eggs). No, my friends, we are making the ultimate bet:

Remember, no rings.

That's right, slap bet. Seven wagers, the net difference in victories will be doled out in slaps to the losing party (e.g., were I to win 5 and lose 2 bets, I would dish out three slaps on IO's mug). Let's have a look at the bets. The lines were set by chief gambling correspondent Free Money Dave.

• FInal Score: Blue -6.5. I'm taking the blue squad and giving 6.5 points. It's an interesting bet, because while Blue has the first team offense, they will be going up against the first team defense on the Gold squad.
  
  HRB's Pick: Blue -6.5
  
  
• Over/Under: 41.5. Irish Outsider picked the Under, which seems to be a pretty wise decision. With the running clock and inexperienced quarterbacks, I'd be stunned if this one went over 41.5 points.


HRB's Pick: Over


• Quarterback Passing Yards, Clausen vs. Sharpley. Clausen -35. I've got Clausen, giving 35 yards. With four quarterbacks alternating series and a threadbare set of receivers, it will be interesting to see if any one quarterback is able to rack up a large amount of passing yards. However, if anybody's going to do it, I feel pretty good with taking Clausen.
  
  HRB's Pick: Clausen -35
  
  
• Rushing Yards, Aldridge vs. Thomas. Thomas -15. Travis Thomas was the MVP of last year's spring game, running roughshod over the defense, including an 80 yard scamper. After spending a year on defense, he's ready to jump back into his old role at running back. IO picked Thomas and gave 15 yards. If James Aldridge can keep up with Thomas, I will be very impressed.
  
  HRB's Pick: Aldridge +15
  
  
• Over/Under on Total Turnovers: 2.5. Another tricky one. There's no blitzing allowed and the QB's will be protected with red jerseys, so there won't be too many hurried, mistake-prone throws. Nevertheless, with the O-Line playing ironman football with no subs, there's going to be a lot of pressure on the backs that could result in some fumbles. Throw in four inexperienced quarterbacks, and I'm thinking we're going over.
  
  HRB's Pick: Over
  
  
• Jersey Number of Game MVP, Odd or Even. A clever one. The IO picked odds, which gives him three of the quarterbacks (Clausen, Jones, Sharpley), the top four receivers (Grimes, West, Hord, and Gallup), and some other big contrubitors (Armando Allen, Zbikowski, and kicker Ryan Burkhart). My evens include QB Zach Frazer, the top two RB's (Thomas and Aldridge), and much of the starting defense.
  
  HRB's Pick: Even
  
  
• Over/Under for Gametime Temperature: 68.5. I took the under, and that feels like free money to me. If the last 8 spring games have taught me nothing, it's that you should always expect cold weather. The weather.com forecaset says 68 and sunny, but I've been burned by optimistic spring forecast in the Midwest too many times. I'm taking a jacket and this bet to the bank.
  
  HRB's Pick: Under

The House Rock Built Remains on Vacation

Sorry to run off without any warning... things have been pretty busy in the midst of celebrating St. Patrick's Month. This week is the House Rock Built's annual Vegas trip, with guaranteed hilarity to ensue, and next week the House will be hitting the road in east Texas for a week or so. Suffice to say, things will remain quiet around here until after all of that, at which point we will be in full swing for spring practice and have much more entertaining information to pass along.

When the House does come back, we'll be updating on spring practice, planning out our Blue-Gold game festivities (details are still forthcoming, but all readers can expect an open invitation to the HRB tailgate), and checking in with Dink & Dunk. For now, enjoy the hoops tournament and the sunshine and laugh at the fact that, at this very moment, I'm probably in the Nevada desert burying a hooker.

Yeah, You Can Clap if You Feel it. Irish Snag 3 Recruits.

First thing's first... off with those pants. It's motherfucking dancing time.

Now, let's meet our three lucky suitors who jumped onto the ND Choo Choo after a great Junior Weekend in South Bend that might have actually featured a ray or two of sunlight! Alas, the gods of weather smiled upon the 2008 recruiting class.

Braxston Cave, OL, Mishawaka, I N
	Height/Weight/40: 6'4", 290
	Anagramaticus Says: "Convex As Brat"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Six Angry Drunk Vikings, an elephant, and a caveman.
The Lowdown: Braxston has spent his entire life within spitting distance of Notre Dame, and naturally the South Bend native has been a lifelong Irish fan. Hell, he was even named after Irish fullback Braxston Banks. After getting an offer from Notre Dame, Cave didn't hesitate in jumping on board, despite the courtships of Michigan and Florida. At 290, Cave has no shortage of bulk to make an impact on the offensive line, and it's pretty clear that Weis and his staff got plenty of opportunities to watch him play just down the road. Bonus YouTube Footage: Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, "Straight to You". Now that's a mullet to write home about.

John Goodman, WR, Fort Wayne, IN
	Height/Weight/40: 6'4", 185
	Anagramaticus Says: "Jam Hog on Don"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Seven Angry Drunk Vikings, a rug (that really ties the room together), and a Babe Ruth jersey.
The Lowdown: If something works, then stick with it. In this case, it's tall lanky white receivers from Northwest Indiana. Goodman hails from Ft. Wayne, a quick two hour jaunt across Indiana Amish country from Valparaiso, where Jeff Samardzija cut his teeth as a wide receiver. Goodman is also a lifelong Notre Dame fan, and didn't have to think twice when Notre Dame offered a scholarship, even though he had just received an offer from Lloyd Carr. Obviously, he's going to draw comparisons to the Shark right away, so hopefully he can live up to those big shoes to fill. My advice? Stop cutting your hair. Bonus YouTube Footage: John Goodman's best performance: The Big Lebowski. Slightly Edited Version (NSFW).

Sean Cwynar, DE, Woodstock, IL
	Height/Weight/40: 6'4", 280
	Anagramaticus Says: "Bash in Trim"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Eight Angry Drunk Vikings, a rhinocerous, and a Chicago Dog with the works.
The Lowdown: Nasty Irish defenders and last names with no vowels go together like chicken and waffles, so Cwynar's commitment is a big boon to the newfangled D in South Bend. Now if we could get some more D-linemen with last names like Szczercztyr or Hnignygnagnyn, we'll have one of the more fearsome lines in the country. Cwynar is a big dude, but his highlight video shows a guy who's curiously quick on his feet, which makes him a good candidate to play DE in the new 3-4 scheme. Cwynar's also no slouch in the classroom, as he currently has a 4.2 GPA (which I originally mistook for his 40 time, causing me to spew orange Gatorade all over my monitor). Another impressive thing about Cwynar's recruitment is how great of a job Corwin Brown has been doing in his brief tenure. Notre Dame has always been a tough contendor in Chicagoland, but Brown's connections to the area are already starting to turn the Windy City into a pipeline for talent. Bonus YouTube Footage: Everyone's favorite Welshman: Tom Jones.

The New Banner is Up!

Well, with the changing times and graduating players, I've decided to revamp the old banner. The theme is "Fightinamish and Friends" and the banner is styled in the manner of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club. It's kind of a tribute to all the personalities who have made these last two years so successful and hilarious.

Essentially, the banner is serving as the House Rock Built's hall of fame. Henceforth, then, if somebody does something awesome or notorious, they can earn their way into the pantheon of the banner. You'll notice that three recently-graduated players made it to the hall, and the House is proud to induct Darius Walker, Brady Quinn, and Jeff Samardzija into the inagural wall of fame class. All three of them had achievements during the career that had a great impact on the team and this website, and are worthy inductees.

If you're an avid reader, you'll probably recognize most of these characters, but if you're a bit confused, here's a handy reader's guide:

(click image for full-size)

1. HR Pufnustuf. Pufnstuf gained immediate fame in college football when Mike Valenti demanded he be hired as Michigan State's defensive coordinator. There's a pretty good chance you've already heard Valenti's rant a thousand times, but you should fire it up one last time, for nostalgia's sake.

2. Darius Walker. Michigan, 2004. An unheralded freshman hops off the bench and singlehandedly propels the Irish to victory. He was small, he was slow, and at times I screamed terrible things about him, but he was the centerpiece to the Irish offense for three years and an invaluable asset. Shifty and tenacious, he fought for every yard, caught every pass that was thrown to him, and never ever fumbled the ball. An obvoius choice for the HRB's pantheon.

3. H. Mervin Longfellows. The notorious booster, he dreams of a simpler time when boosters lived by an unwritten code when they paid their players.

4. Papa John. Urban Meyer's identical twin.

5. Neil Diamond. It's a tradition at HRB to get naked and dance to Neil Diamond every time we get a new recruit.

6. Alec Baldwin. The single greatest living actor of all time. Period.

7. Jeff Samardzija

Crazy hair, crazy catches. Rotted on the bench for two years under Willingham and became a two-time All-American under Weis. I can't even count the number of times he blew my mind with electrifying catches, huge plays, and heroism.

8. All-Hairmerican Award. The highest honor bestowed by the House Rock Built. Each year, we compile the All-Hairmerican Team for the greatest hairdos in college football.

9. Anagramaticus. The wise prophet of college football. He rearranges letters to discover hidden truths.

10. Howard Schnellenberger. A badass mustache-sporter who earned the esteem of the House Rock Built for his voting tendencies. He occasionally submits pearls of wisdom to the House Rock Built. 11. Andy French. The patron saint of getting wrecked, calling football coaches, and screaming inappropriate things. The inspiration for the House Rock Built's Andy French Cup.

12. The Orgeron. The deranged, psychotic cajun from Ole Miss, he serves as a constant inspiration for House Rock Built insanity. He also writes his own blog called Every Day Should Be Lemsday.

13. Orvis P. Sexton. The House Rock Built's resident gonzo journalist. Wherever there's booze, recreational drugs, and a football game, you can expect to see him with his notepad and pen.

14. Wilford Brimley. The long-lost twin of Purdue coach Joe Tiller, he demands that you eat your damn oatmeal.

15. Dink. A tough-luck Notre Dame fan and co-star of the House Rock Built's official comic strip, Dink & Dunk.

16. Stanford Tree. The worst mascot in sports, and victim of a gangland shooting last year. Charlie Weis is still a person of interest.

17. Brady Quinn. Quinn took over a program in desperate shape and spent four years getting his bones crushed. He never backed down, he never complained, and at the end of his tenure, he had piloted Notre Dame into a new era of offensive prowess. He's the man.

18. Franz Kafka. A House Rock Built favorite. After Mike Kafka won the starting quarterback job at Northwestern, the jokes kind of wrote themselves. Also a lucrative merchandising target.

19. The Robot. Courtesy of Marco.

20. Dunk. The second half of the Dink & Dunk comedy team, a USC fan who is prone to getting ripped and discharging firearms indoors.

21. Touchdown Jesus. The icon of Notre Dame football. His influence is spreading.

22. Knute Rockne. The one and only, the guy this whole blog is named after and dedicated to. Loves his Akvavit.

23. Lou Holtz. The scrappy, diminutive coach with a lisp who made me fall in love with Notre Dame football.

24. Ara Parseghian. He stopped the rain. He won two national championships. Nuff said.

25. Frank Leahy. No Mt. Rushmore of Notre Dame football is complete without this man.

26. Rumple Minze. The liquor of the gods. The House Rock Built owns a super soaker full of this 100-proof peppermint schnapps that we spray fans with during our publicity events.

27. Sparks. Three words. Hooker Killing Fuel.

Happy Mardi Gras!

To all my Catholic readers out there, I hope everybody has a happy Mardi Gras! For those of you in warm climates, go flash your hooters at some random people and get some beads, and Laissez les bon temps rouler! For you Chicagoans, I would like to strongly discourage any of that behavior, what with the brutal cold and all. I lifted up my shirt for a bunch of soririty girls and now I'm rushing to the hospital with my left nipple packed in ice hoping against hope that they'll be able to reattach it.

Anyway, I'll be out this morning, but I should be back online this afternoon depending how the surgery goes. Keep an eye out for the "Girls With Low Self-Esteem" camera crews. Incidentally, Zach Braff's co-star John C. McGinley looks like he's lined up some work playing Jared Zabransky in "Boise State! (The Musical)".

You didn't see me at the Convention in Berlin? That's because I videoconferenced.

Happy V-Day Quickies

Hope everybody had a great Valentine's Day. The House Rock Built celebrated the holiday by getting buck-assed drunk and performing the Vagina Monologues on a street corner in downtown Chicago. Except for the frostbite, it was a good time as always.

• Pardon Our Upgrades. Right, so the site has switched over to the Google/Blogger Beta and while I'm resistant to change, I suppose I can deal with the trauma of categories and whatnot. I'm currently leafing through the back posts and adding labels retroactively. It''s going to be a long process, but I'm excited about it. The most popular label so far? "Recruiting" with 13. The second most? "Urban Meyer is a Weasely Bastard" with 8. Maybe I'm getting predictable...
  
  You'll also notice some advertisements sprinkled about the site. I'm using this offseason to see if sprinkling in some Google advertising will completely wreck the aesthetics of the site or if it will in any way be profitable. Both of those answers are still pending, and I'll likely be tweaking the look of the front page until I find a nice harmony of the appearance of the site and any possible beer money that can come out of it. There's also a link on the sidebar for a jersey & apparel affiliate shop, so if you're going to be buying any jerseys or Notre Dame wear, you can do so and finance the crack habit of your favorite blogger at the same time.
  
  Anyway, the bottom line is that I will be slowly trying to integrate some revenue-type things into the blog without completely becoming a sellout. It's a work in progress and there might be some trial & error in the process.
  
  
  I didn't sell out, son. I bought in. You remember that.



• Rule 3-2-5-e is dead. Everybody has pitched in with glowing praise of this decision, so I'll save you the trouble of reading another raving anti-3-2-5-e rant, as Blue-Gray, EDSBS, and Brian over at the Fanhouse have already dedicated some serious prose to the subject. I'm just happy it's over and am looking forward to the day when 3-2-5-e is just a distant memory and my wide-eyed grandchildren ask me what it was like to live through the awful year it existed.
  
  
  Jamais plus, man. Jamais plus.
  
  
• Notre Dame Girls are Ugly. A funny little story, but seriously, Cook, the Alan Grant-esque commentary is as contrived as a Tobias Fünke Vagina Monologue.



• The Orgeron is Going National. Coach O has done it again, this time in opening a nationwide chain of family restaurants. I had the chickunwaffa there last night, and other than the severed finger on my plate, it was quite tasty.
  
  
  Comminsoontoa CITYNyEAhY'ALL!
  
  
• These Dogbook posts take a long, long, long time to do.

That's all for now, kids. See ya tomorrow.

Signing Day Update

Capping off a topsy-turvy recruiting season is one last shocking surprise, as two more recruits have jumped ship, apparently, faxing in letters of intent to other Universities. The Charlie Weis press conference is going on now which will make everything official-like, but it looks like WR Greg Little has flipped allegiances to North Carolina and OL Chris Little has changed his commitment to Georgia. The other 18 recruits have sent in letters of intent and are confirmed.

I'll spend the afternoon working on a tribute to the 2007 class, but first I need to get really drunk and break stuff.

Vote Early, Vote Often for College Football Blogger Awards

College football bloggers spend a frightening amount of time laboring over their online projects and, in doing so, almost certainly do it at the expense of alienating their employers, their loved ones, and that sink full of dirty dishes that each day becomes more and more overrun with botulism cultures. Nonetheless, they persevere and continue writing, almost entirely motivited by some slightly misguided altruism and a passionate dream to entertain, inform, and make jokes about mustaches and farts for their loyal readers who, ironically enough, alienate their employers and loved ones by spending an inordinate amount of time surfing the internet and laughing at jokes about mustaches and farts.

Nevertheless, it doesn't hurt to set aside a week or so at the end of the season to be self-indulgent and hold a little awards ceremony to congratulate themselves on the hard work they are doing for free or the random pennies they get from Google Ads. The fine lads at Rocky Top Talk have set up and hosted the poigniantly un-snappily named "2006 College Football Blogger Awards". And while I would prefer a more endearing sobriquet for the award (like, say, the Bloggies or the CoFoBAs), I still value the concept. Furthermore, I think that the actual hardware should look a lot like the 2005 Fiesta Bowl Trophy, as you can see on your right here. Alas, I'm not the boss.

Anyway, the House has made the ballot for two of these lovely awards, so I thought I'd take a minute to plug my viability as a candidate... the people's candidate.

First up is a nomination for Friday Night Lites for Best Podcast/Audio Thingy. FNL was a really fun project to bring together bloggers and talk shop which, unfortunately, came derailed at the end of the season due to massive technological failure (long story short, I had to put down most of my machinery with a shotgun after it became self-aware and tried to kill me in my sleep).

If you want to get a smattering of FNL, you can listen to some sample episodes, like this one, where I interviewed Michigan bloggers, or this one, where I yapped with Jay from Blue-Gray Sky and Orson from EDSBS. And finally, although it wasn't on a normally-scheduled show, I think that Mike Valenti's timeless rant was a staple of the HRB's audio content, so it probably deserves another listening anyway.

Next up is a nomination for Best Big East/Notre Dame Blog. While it's flattering to make it to the finalists, most right-minded readers (including myself) will be casting their lot with Blue Gray Sky, who are (in the words of my sidebar link to them) the "one and only warlords of Notre Dame football".

So get out there and stuff the box. It's an honor to get this recognition and I'd like to thank my loyal readers for their nominations in the initial poll. I'm hitting the campaign trail these next two weeks, so if you see a 79 Chevy Nova painted blue and gold blasting the Notre Dame fight song in your city, come on by and I'll squirt you in the mouth with a super soaker full of Rumpleminze!

Behold, the ultimate campaign weapon!

Here's a Fun Contest for the Dead Period Between Now and Spring Practice...

Bowl season is over, awards season is over, and recruiting season is more or less winding down, so us diehards are stuck with a few months of disoriented nothingness while we wait for spring practice. Understanding how desperate you are for something to do after you've devoted the last four months of your life to college football, the House Rock Built is hosting a contest that should keep those idle hands busy.

Okay, readers. Here's what you do. Go out to a pet store, a breeder, or the local pound and buy yourself a Jack Russell Terrier. Next, spend the next two months working with your new pooch around the clock, training him (or her... or neither, if you did the responsible thing and threw down $75 to have it fixed) to bark in exact synchronization with the "woofs" on the Baha Men's 2000 classic hit "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

Now, go to the absolure worst part of town in the city you live in and find the dirtiest and most dangerous bar that has karaoke. Take your pooch in there and rock the house while a companion videotapes the entire ordeal.

The first reader to provide a link to a YouTube video of this, pending authentication by an independent judging firm, will receive a free copy of "The University of Notre Dame: Fighting Irish Collector's Edition DVD Set ". Ready? The contest begins..... now!

Readers, the House Rock Built Needs Your Help

It's time for some audience participation at the House Rock Built, and I'm counting on my loyal readers to step up to the plate and help out. There are two items of business:

• First, I'm starting to compile the 2006 All-Hairmerican team, a prestigious award that was founded on this very website last year that honors the truly legendary hairstyles of college football. Unfortunately, I'm a little bit stumped, because having traveled to every Notre Dame game this year, I haven't had as much time to scope out the rest of the college football world for All-Hairmericans, especially since the Irish slate this year consisted of surprisingly clean-cut and well-groomed young men. Very disappointing.
  
  Anyway, we're taking nominees for the 2006 All-Hairmerican team, and your vote counts. So drop off a comment on this thread with your nominee's name, position, and if at all possible a link to a picture of them in action.
  
  
  Someday, your son might win this award and vindicate the crummy waste of life you've been.
  
  
• Second, I'm gonig to have to revamp the top of the page banner for the site, since those three fine athletes will all be graduating this year and likely moving on to the NFL. While I'm thinking of taking another whack at it myself in the old Photoshop, I figured I'd open it up to the readers too, as I'm willing to bet there's some hidden artistic talent out there. The rules are pretty simple... the banner has to be 850 x 200 (or 200ish. It has to be 850 wide, though), and have something to do with Notre Dame football. Also, I couldn't help but notice the more I look at this page that my player selection for the banner was... let's just say a little bit on the white side. I would probably prefer if my replacement banner had a bit more diversity in it.
  
  Other than that, it's pretty much free reign. It can have current players, past players, or any other insignia that gets the reader pumped up about football. I'll probably keep the text from this banner and overlay it on my next one, but you can also take a crack at the logo too.
  
  
  A good example of what not to do...
  
  Anyway, if you're up to the challenge, you can e-mail your entry to houserockbuilt@gmail.com. The lucky winner will receive a free copy of "The University of Notre Dame: Fighting Irish Collector's Edition DVD Set", which features hour after hour of all of Notre Dame's greatest games. The good folks that made it provided me with a few copies to give away to my awesome readers, and also sent me one to enjoy for myself. It's wicked cool, guys. Right before we left for USC, I watched the '77 Green Jerseys Game against USC with the Irishoutsider and Trev Alberts and we took turns alternating between belts of whiskey and suckerpunches to the face. Now that's how you get fired up for a football game.
  
  
  Do not mix with brown liquor. Results could be painful.

Notre Dame vs. LSU, Sugar Bowl, January 3

Strap it on, Irish fans, we're off to the Big Easy to take on the home-state LSU Tigers. They're big, fast, brutal, and ranked #4 in the country. It's a huge game and the Irish will be a prohibitive underdog playing essentially a road game against the Bayou Bengals.

Listen up, Irish fans. The city of New Orleans desperately needs a big time event to help rebuild their fragile infrastructure, and suffice to say, they're not going to get big tourism dollars from the majority of LSU fans who live within driving distance of the Superdome. Therefore, the sole responsibility of rejuvinating the economy of New Orleans falls on Irish tourists. So get out there and funnel fresh money into the hotels, restaurants, liquor resale businesses, and the G-strings of the throngs of poor, hungry, destitute strippers of New Orelans. Do it for the children.

Oh, and a quick and dirty (and wholly unnecessary) defense of Notre Dame's BCS bid is up at the fanhouse. Not that there's much to talk about. The only other qualified at-large team was West Virginia, and you can bet that the Sugar Bowl Committee would be doing the city of New Orleans a huge disservice if they turned down the cash cow of Notre Dame and instead opted to have all of their already sparse supply of non-flooded couches torched.

   or    ?
Which will help the New Orleans rebuilding project more?

Back From Compton

Good to be back, ladies and gentlemen. I spent today in a medically-induced coma attempting to reset my internal clock after time zone changes, turkey naps, brown liquor benders, and football-induced post-traumatic stress. As your loyal Notre Dame blogger and witness-slash-active participant in this weekend's football game, I certainly do owe the readers my take on the game, the season, and the general standing of the team today. Alas, that's going to wait a couple days as my perspective begins to heal with further removal from the game in LA. Also, I have to call Enterprise and explain to them why I torched their rental car. Thank god for the damage waiver insurance.

For my instant analysis, you can scoot over to the fanhouse, where I pitch in my two cents and link up some more verbage on the game. If you're desperate for a soundbite, then how about this: USC is really, really, spooky good. When Pete Carroll can get his hands on gobs of defensive talent, he can do some frightening things that make you want to cry. This Irish 2006 squad is a big-hearted group, but ultimately you can't ignore that it's a patchwork job in terms of overall talent and depth on both sides of the ball. There's enough good coaching to make these deficiencies a non-issue against more middling barely-bowl-eligible opponents, but when it's time to dance with the big boys, it's a lot harder to hide what's flapping in the breeze.

Anyway, like I said, there's going to be some detailed analysis coming later this week, but also some fun stuff too. Alas, it's silly season, so we can step aside from our heated weekly battles and pay attention to the funny stuff that really makes college football great. Like, for example, comparing the hotness of the wives of recently-fired coaches. Sneak preview: John Bunting's better half, Dawn, wins some killer points for her ability to pound down beers like a filthy truck stop call girl.

She might not win in a beauty pagent, but she sure as shit could brain Shari Shula with an empty Bud bottle.