Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Special Guest Liveblogger: Gary Barnett

Gary Barnett is down to his last days, not unlike a weed in Hitler's Bunker. First, word broke from the Denver Post that Barnett had gotten the axe from his head coaching gig at the University of Colorado. But Barnett seems to have other plans, and he fired back this morning with this statement, stating he is still the coach and will continue his duties as such. Something's gotta give, folks. In response to Barnett's stubbornness, it looks like Colorado's administration has upped the ante and retaliated.

We have a feeling this might go on for a while, so we've contacted Gary. For the rest of the day, he will be liveblogging here from his Treo (apparently CU smashed his computer and cancelled his internet account) about his epic struggle with the University. Enjoy.




Gary Barnett's Liveblog: 12/7/05



7:30 AM: Just dropping by the office to make some recruiting calls and break down some film on Clemson, and it appears that they have changed the locks to the Athletic Building. No worries, the upstairs window is open a crack. Bet those bastards didn't read on my bio that I lettered at the U of Missouri as a wide receiver. Okay, storing the Treo away as I climb this tree.

8:15 AM: A couple of failed attempts later and now I'm in what appears to be a supply closet. Kismet, I tells you, because I happen to be in need of a first aid kit. I guess I'm a bit older than I was back in '69, plus the branches on that tree aren't as supportive as you'd think. I don't remember that bush of roses being there before, either. Those asses at landscaping are trying to screw me.

8:58 AM: Okay, all the thorns are out, hydrogen peroxide has been applied. A couple Motrin to make the stinging go away. Onto the office.

9:45 AM: Nameplate has been removed from my door. No biggie, I just made another one.



9:50 AM: Can't make recruiting calls from my office, as it appears the phone has been ripped out of the wall. I'm using the payphone in the lobby right now, which is just as well. It's like 140 degrees in my office.

10:40 AM: Might be a good time to get some lunch. I need to let the office air out for a while, I just found a huge bag of dead fish on top of the heater. I think I've lost my appetite, though.



12:25 PM: Quick burrito at Illegal Pete's really hit the spot. The kid making it took it in the back and most likely did some "doctoring", but I've got bigger things to worry about. Like Clemson.

12:50 PM: Well, I don't have a computer or a whiteboard, so I'm drawing up the gameplan by hand.



Man, it's hot in here.

1:37 PM: Thermostat smashed. Heater cranked all the way up. It's got to be 200 degrees in here. Bye, bye, mister CU-emblazoned turtleneck. Much better. Khakis getting a little sweaty too. Adios amigos. That's Spanish. That'll come in handy in Orlando.

1:63 PM: Security is pounding on the door. That's odd, this is no way to treat the head coach (extroorduna estrodinar extraordinaire!). Good thing this desk is solid mahogany. Up against the door you go. That should buy me some time to break down some film. Don't have a TV or a projector, but I have a Sports Illustrated from 1985 with an article on Clemson alum William "The Refrigerator" Perry. It's so hot in here.

2:17 PM: Gary you brilliant bastard! I've solved the South Clemsolina defense! Wait'll I get to Orlandoland and put a hurting on Terry Bowden. Big 8 Coach of the year, baby, that's what'll be happening. God damn it's hot in here. I'd open a window but all the sirens are making my head more hurting. Maybe I'll crack it just a little bit.



2:27 PM: Shut up megaphone guy out my window. He keeps yelling about something. Here, here are Gary Barnett's pants! Fly away pants! Holy living shit it is hot in here. Take nap now.

4:23 PM: Good nap. Still really hot in here. Probably shouldn't sleep anymore becuase I think I have a concusscion. I think it's time for Plan B. That's right, Plan B. No more liveblogging here, I have important business to attend to. Tomorrow morning you might read some crazy stuff about me, but I'm just doing what I need to do. I will allow history to be my judge. Now is time to finalize my amazing plan. Thanks, HRB, for documenting my struggle.
Oh no no.
Oh no, no no.
Oh no no, no no, no no no.
I'm a Buffalo Soldier
-GB



Not sure what Gary means by that, but I have a feeling we'll find out tomorrow.



2 Comments:

At 3:02 PM, Anonymous Orson Swindle said...

:-)

 
At 6:23 PM, Anonymous tony said...

Top notch!

And very astute of Gary to not liveblog about the dead hooker he must have stepped over to get to his filing cabinet, too!

 

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