All Hail Western Speed!
Anyone who caught the East-West Shrine Bowl last weekend not only got to spend four more torturous hours of your life with Bob Davie (isn't this supposed to be the offseason? Do we got no reprieve?), but you also got to personally witness the complete exposure of flat-footed Easterners when matched up against Western Speed. The West rolled to a dominating 21-3 win.
If this doesn't prove that the Mississippi River cleanly divides America into a slow, lethargic, and overweight Eastern Half and a supercharged hemicontinent of lightning quick genetic freak athletes in the West, then I'm afraid no amount of specious question-begging sportswriter quasi-argument will ever convince you.