"Sarcastic College Football Gameday" To Broadcast Live From Ann Arbor on Saturday

The newest program in ESPN's ever-expanding litany of college football shows will make its series premiere this weekend at one of college football's most hallowed venues, Ann Arbor. The show is called "Sarcastic College Football Gameday", or SCFG for you text-messaging types, and is a weekly, floating-venue live broadcast intended to capture the all-important irony-loving hipster demographic by, paradoxically, spotlighting the most absurdly unimportant game of the week.

"With all of the success of the non-ironic College Football Gameday, it's a natural step to capitalize on the flipside of the market," said ESPN2 spokesperson Tad Beecher. "For every hyperkinetic, frenzied college football crowd going crazy with anticipation for an important rivalry game, there are just as many wholly dejected fanbases paralyzing themselves with alcohol in the parking lot before a game in anticipation of a three hour, mouth-agape gutpunch in a thoroughly-meaningless pillowfight.

"It's about time that we acknowledge those fans too and deliver programming catered specifically for those dejected souls whacked out on the sweet morphine of low expectations."

Sarcastic Gameday's traveling crew: Chip Caray, Fisher DeBerry, and Eric Crouch preview the day's action in front of a tepid and dreary Michigan crowd.

The venue for the inagural show is nothing if not fitting, as nothing quite says "ironic spectacle" like two of college football's most storied football programs meeting winless, unranked, and in nigh-absolute shambles. Throw in the fact that tickets for the game were selling at an average of $696 in the preseason and are now being used by thrifty vagrants as tindling and you've created the perfect storm of hilarious, eye-rolling absurdity.

Hosting the show will re-tread broadcaster Chip Caray, coaching burnout and media lightning rod Fisher DeBerry, and "Where are they now?" white option quarterback Eric Crouch, who form a hapless band of ultra-ironic døpplegangers for the flagship show. For now, the show is sponsored by IKEA, but many have accused the the understated "hipness" of the Swedish furniture company of undercutting the true irony of the show, or even worse of breaking down the fourth wall with a proverbial meta-ironic wink at the audience.

"It's a treat to get to kick off the show in such a terrific venue like the Big House," said Carey, demonstrating a tremendous amount of professionalism by delivering the line without any hint of a sarcastic grin. "These are two great college football teams and two great fanbases. There's going to be an electricity in the air that will be nothing short of amazing.

"And I'm, like, literally not completely talking out of my ass right now," he added before finally giving in to a long-stifled chuckle.