Those Rigmas Can Party

This is our first thought when we see Jimmy Clausen and company rocking the red satin jackets. Unfortunately, we couldn't find any references to this particular Zack Morris adventure, so please accept this file photo of the raddest dude in all of Bayside. Getting back to this so-called damning evidence. Certain things must be addressed with regards to the photos objectivity. The photo is clearly the genuine article for a number of reasons. Its clearly broad daylight, and there is nothing better to do in South Bend during the day than play arbitrary drinking games. Yet, the hosts of this party have at least 2 football players in attendance but are only able to get the one pair of ladies to attend. Anyone who argues there are scores of comely lasses out of the frame will be called a fucking liar to the face. Cups table and costumes=sausage party. The word on the street was that this was an official instance of a BeerLympics, and that usually involves a bunch of dudes getting sloppy drunk before the pizza gets delivered. We have yet to confirm which PGA tournament was viewed in concordance with the day's events, but smart money's on The Open. Right before the young lads' ResLife tribunals, we have to hire Dennis Haskins to give them some sort of life-lesson/pep talk type product (methinks Bob Golic would be more appropriate --fightinamish). Please recommend some talking points to pass along to the boys, but remember than TV's Dennis Haskins must follow the official policies of HollywoodIsCalling.com: Your message must be polite, courteous and non-offensive or it will be ignored and replaced by one in which the celebrity simply wishes your client well.

Stay Classy, Mr. B.

PS. Beat Valley.

Irishoutider, formerly the kid at the FireMarkMay compound, is back in the blogosphere and repping his set for the HRB. Back like cooked crack.

Pac 10 Official All But Admits Improper Use of Replay in Stanford Game

It's been a few days since the most blatantly awful replay review of all time, so I think it's time we take a look at what has shaken down in these days in the immediate aftermath of this travesty.

For one, we finally got a public statement from the head of Pac 10 Officiating, Dave Cutaia. In an e-mail he sent out in response to the criticism of the play, he is quoted as saying:

"The replay official felt he had a shot that showed the point of the ball hit the ground...

*First Lie.

...This is basically a judgment call on his part, as an on-field official might judge defensive pass interference.

*Second Lie.

So, let's look at the first part of the statement. The replay official found a shot... no, wait, scratch that... felt he found a shot that conclusively showed (whoops, he didn't use the word "conclusively") the point of the ball hitting the ground. Hey, that's not bad. It's an empirically-testable statement. Now obviously it wasn't any shot that we had available to us, the television-watching audience, because that one clearly did not meet the burden of proof. Ahhh, so it was a secret camera angle that wasn't available to the TV broadcast, right? They do have secret angles, don't they?

Q. What will be the source of the video for replays?
A. All reviewable video will come direct from the television production of the game.

(From the official replay policy)

Allright, no worries. Let's pretend you did have a secret reverse-angle shot that the television networks just didn't decide to put in their broadcast. It probably would have looked something like this shot taken by an on-field photographer:



Which even more conclusively shows that his hand is under the ball.

Moving swiftly along to lie number two...

This is basically a judgment call on his part, as an on-field official might judge defensive pass interference.

Now I'm just a simple caveman, but to me it sounds like Cutaia is admitting that the replay was improperly administered. Either that, or he doesn't know the rules of instant replay set down by the same conference that he is apparently in charge of officiating. You see, the second line of the aforementioned official document on instant replay clearly states:

Standard: There must be indisputable video evidence for an on-field officiating decision to be changed by the Instant Replay Official working from a private booth in the press box.

That underlining was not done by me for emphasis, that's exactly how it appears on the website. But, wait, there must be some wiggle room for a replay official's judgment call, right? I'll do a search of their rulebook for the word "judgment":



So anybody who has taken the time to read the first paragraph of the replay policy (a group which may or may not contain Cutaia) can sufficiently agree that replay is definitively not a "judgment call" and is, moreover, fundamentally opposite from judgment calls like defensive pass interference. Instead it requires, (everyone together now) indisputable video evidence, which Cutaia all but comes out and admits was not the standard of proof used in this specific reversal. The replay officials acted blatantly against their authority... it's black letter law.

Cutaia then declined to make public the names of the officials involved. Perhaps a smart move, what with all the crazies out there, but it still reeks of an institutional refusal to make anybody take accountability for what, in Cuataia's own words, was a clear-cut incorrect ruling. At any rate, it's these two guys. If anyone can track down a directory of Pac 10 officials with mug shots, it should be pretty easy to find out who these incompetent bozos are and keep track on whether or not they've been fired or reprimanded.

Shhh, Don't Tell Any Michigan Fans

Allright, readers, I'm entrusting you with a big secret here. I'm going to pull a very expensive prank tomorrow, but I want to let you guys in on it so it'll be that much more hilarious. See, I'm chartering a private jet, at my own expense, to fly from Willow Run Airport in Ypsilanti to Seattle. While this might seem like a waste of several thousand dollars to you, just imagine what a riot it will be when Go Blue Wolverine reports "Willingham to Michigan: Done Deal" and cites my FlightTracker map as proof.

Mum's the word, okay?

Stanford Unveils a New Fight Song, Penned by Jim Harbaugh

As the final seconds ticked off the clock in the Colosseum, a new era dawned for Stanford football. Against all odds, the gutty Cardinal went toe-to-toe with one of the dynasty of our era, on their home turf, and prevailed. Nobody saw it coming, nobody expected it, and the pristine beauty of the upset is far beyond anything you could script.

That being said, I think that Stanford has gotten a little bit drunk with success after one fortuitous game. While this is an impressive start for former Michigan quarterback Jim Harbaugh's coaching career, I personally think it's a bit early to be anointing him the greatest coach of all time. In light of that, I'm even more surprised that Stanford granted him license to rewrite their fight song. Granted, their old one wasn't all that good to begin with (as a matter of fact, I have no idea what it is, and I've seen Stanford play about a half dozen times), but it's strange to completely throw out tradition after one good game.

"I wanted to come up with a song that combined the rich tradition of football and victory with the top-crust academics that are available at Stanford as opposed to that illiterate cesspool in Ann Arbor. I'm quite pleased with the results," Harbaugh said at the press release.

Anyway, here's the new, updated Stanford fight song. The music and lyrics were written and performed by the coach himself. Personally? I think it's a little... weird. You be the judge, though. Presenting, for the first time ever, the Stanford π-ght Song!

Download the Stanford π-ght Song

Fun With Screen Captures!

Here's one funny screen capture and one sad and depressing screen capture I took this weekend. First, the comedy. It appears that Yahoo has been paying attention to mgoblog in an effort to streamline their targeted marketing plan. As I checked the box score at halftime of the Michigan-Oregon game, I couldn't help but laugh at the contextual ad that they placed next to the score, which was clearly an ingenious marketing strategy for down-and-out Wolverine fans looking for some solace:

Kittens!

The second, much more tragic screencap I took was the final box score for the Penn State game, where the poor intern running the page had the dubious task of picking a "top performer" for the Irish. Either ironically or out of some sort of desperation, here's what he or she came up with:


Put it up for 1.37 yards per carry. Woop!

You Know You Miss The House Rock Built

The House Rock Built has been off the radar recently, and for that I gravely apologize. There are two main reasons for this. First, there's absolutely nothing to report on in these grim weeks of February. Second, chronic alcoholism. Third, Blogger has apparently locked down my site for some sort of anti-spamming campaign. Three! There are THREE reasons I haven't been able to post. First, the grim weeks of February, second, the alcoholism, third, the spam, and fourth, I've been too busy growing mutton chops. FOUR! There are FOUR reasons I haven't been able to post...

Allright, this is getting silly. Here are some pictures of mutton chops to satiate your blood lust. Mutton chops are glorious. Mine are still about a week away from reaching their true potential, but everyone knows the ladies go crazy for chops. My name is Rufus, and that is the Truth-us.