In which the metaphor is extended

I can be accused of having many opinions on Notre Dame football. All of them equally passionate, fleeting, and vociferous. I slide in and out of them so quickly and completely, that there are times when even I can't explain my point of view because there are traces of past perspectives across the board, leaving me, in a sense, everywhere at once. Anyway, before I continue the genocide of commas set off by my blogging co-defendant, let me get to my argument of the breadth and depth of the fucked-up-ed-ness of the situation.

There is constant analysis and navelgazing of virtually every Notre Dame decision of the past 10 (30?) years, all of them centering around choice. Who had the power to choose? When did they have it? How did they come to their decision? I would like to step back from this exercise in futility, no one can ever really know what was on (or not on) the minds of the so-called "Powers That Be" so much as no one can ever really explain to me how decisions are really made at Notre Dame. The real question is what is the choice Jack Swarbrick had to make for Notre Dame?

At the end of it all, Jack Swarbrick had to choose between Giant Douche or a Turd Sandwich.



Regardless of your opinion of the breadth and depth of the available coaching pool, and such analysis has firmly become its own internet niche, the point is that there are precious few coaches that can improve the program beyond what Charlie Weis has built. What the program so sorely needed was a reconstruction from the ground up, and in these efforts no one can fault Charlie. 8 years of heartless coaching and sheer arrogance had rendered the program a smoldering pile of ashes in the freezing South Bend winter. The talent myth has been broken. The facilities myth is buried under 20 million dollars of weight rooms and trophy cases. Notre Dame is a destination for recruits as long as there is confidence in the program. Its really hard for Charlie to keep flashing those Super Bowl rings when my even my grandmother has to hear speculation about this Brian Kelly person on WGN.

So, on most tangible metrics, Charlie Weis is our guy. Of course, on-field performance and its related perks are still in neglect, but how different is that from anything else here in year 12 of the post Holtz era? I guess this is the real point driving the issue. Notre Dame has finally finally finally FINALLY gotten most of the pieces in place, but we've locked ourself in to a situation that can only be fully described as sub-optimal. Weis has not been able to show that he can improve upon raw offensive talent, and his fatal flaw of over tweaking to the point of Decided Schematic Failure is obvious. Even in his staff improvements, he has not proven that he can be an anything more than a glorified recruiter/QB coach.

But, with all of the evidence at hand, and rather large stakes, what decision was there to make? Most decisions would have cost Notre Dame a great degree of capital. In terms of money, there was the buyout. In terms of public image, the school was unprepared to do anything more than unleash the Keystone Cops on the coaching carousel. In terms of recruiting, a lot was at stake to maintain the momentum Weis has built the last 4 years. All of these costs, regardless of respective size and importance, factored in to the effective price of the decision, and despite our combined hopes and dreams for the program, none of them include an athletic director that fails to see the proper risk/reward. Chasing good money with bad money got Notre Dame into this mess so many years ago, and believing that doing the same thing over and over will produce a different result is the very definition of insanity.

The Hangover: SDSU

We're really starting to empathize with the Notre Dame Fighting Irish this morning. Gradually bringing ourselves to a normal level of hydration, wandering around the city like some silent monk to restore our voice for Monday, we have to think that the players are feeling the same way right now. Saturday afternoon was like waking up from the bender that was 2007 and immediately trying to do long division. And even though we aren't exactly physically prepared to make the necessary critiques of the game itself, we're not in the most optimistic of places. In preparation for next week's Michigan game, we are heading to the local liquor castle for the following in massive quantities: Rum. Ice.

Just when we thought we were out... They pull us back IN.

Pac 10 Official All But Admits Improper Use of Replay in Stanford Game

It's been a few days since the most blatantly awful replay review of all time, so I think it's time we take a look at what has shaken down in these days in the immediate aftermath of this travesty.

For one, we finally got a public statement from the head of Pac 10 Officiating, Dave Cutaia. In an e-mail he sent out in response to the criticism of the play, he is quoted as saying:

"The replay official felt he had a shot that showed the point of the ball hit the ground...

*First Lie.

...This is basically a judgment call on his part, as an on-field official might judge defensive pass interference.

*Second Lie.

So, let's look at the first part of the statement. The replay official found a shot... no, wait, scratch that... felt he found a shot that conclusively showed (whoops, he didn't use the word "conclusively") the point of the ball hitting the ground. Hey, that's not bad. It's an empirically-testable statement. Now obviously it wasn't any shot that we had available to us, the television-watching audience, because that one clearly did not meet the burden of proof. Ahhh, so it was a secret camera angle that wasn't available to the TV broadcast, right? They do have secret angles, don't they?

Q. What will be the source of the video for replays?
A. All reviewable video will come direct from the television production of the game.

(From the official replay policy)

Allright, no worries. Let's pretend you did have a secret reverse-angle shot that the television networks just didn't decide to put in their broadcast. It probably would have looked something like this shot taken by an on-field photographer:



Which even more conclusively shows that his hand is under the ball.

Moving swiftly along to lie number two...

This is basically a judgment call on his part, as an on-field official might judge defensive pass interference.

Now I'm just a simple caveman, but to me it sounds like Cutaia is admitting that the replay was improperly administered. Either that, or he doesn't know the rules of instant replay set down by the same conference that he is apparently in charge of officiating. You see, the second line of the aforementioned official document on instant replay clearly states:

Standard: There must be indisputable video evidence for an on-field officiating decision to be changed by the Instant Replay Official working from a private booth in the press box.

That underlining was not done by me for emphasis, that's exactly how it appears on the website. But, wait, there must be some wiggle room for a replay official's judgment call, right? I'll do a search of their rulebook for the word "judgment":



So anybody who has taken the time to read the first paragraph of the replay policy (a group which may or may not contain Cutaia) can sufficiently agree that replay is definitively not a "judgment call" and is, moreover, fundamentally opposite from judgment calls like defensive pass interference. Instead it requires, (everyone together now) indisputable video evidence, which Cutaia all but comes out and admits was not the standard of proof used in this specific reversal. The replay officials acted blatantly against their authority... it's black letter law.

Cutaia then declined to make public the names of the officials involved. Perhaps a smart move, what with all the crazies out there, but it still reeks of an institutional refusal to make anybody take accountability for what, in Cuataia's own words, was a clear-cut incorrect ruling. At any rate, it's these two guys. If anyone can track down a directory of Pac 10 officials with mug shots, it should be pretty easy to find out who these incompetent bozos are and keep track on whether or not they've been fired or reprimanded.

Le Pierrot Triste

From the SBT:

Maybe the most indicting numbers regarding Notre Dame's pass protection, or lack thereof, this season came the week after the Irish lost to Navy in triple-overtime. In the 48-46 loss to the Mids, ND yielded four sacks to a team that had recorded only five all season. That gave the Irish 49 sacks yielded -- 11 more than the old school record.

Well, the next week the Mids played North Texas, the worst Football Bowl Subdivision team in the Sagarin computer and one of 32 the Irish actually would beat, according to Sagarin (no, Duke and Stanford are not on the list of beatable teams).

In the North Texas game, Mean Green quarterback Giovanni Vizza attempted 50 passes and was not sacked once. What's more, in the 72-62 loss to the Mids, he completed 40 of those passes for 478 yards and eight touchdowns -- and he rushed for 97 yards on 13 carries.

And Vizza, for the record, is a true freshman.

Sorry I haven't been posting. I think that block of text pretty much sums up this last month or so. Again, sorry. The House thrives on upbeat, quirky humorous commentary, and there is just no joy in Mudville this year. Each week I attend these shitfest games and sink deeper and deeper into a detached nothingness. In that dark spot, I just can't produce anything snappy for you to enjoy. Maybe it's a lame excuse, but that's all I've got.

The plus side? The season's almost over. High fives and banana daiquiris for everyone!

"Hand", "Sticky Situation", "Gets Off Easy", and "Hookers". Make Your Own Headline

The good news for Darrell Hand? He gets to stay on the football team. The bad news? He still has to pay Frank.

Now there's a head-scratcher. In case you haven't heard already, DT Darrell Hand was officially handed down his punishment today for his, um dramatic re-enactment of "Pretty Woman". The punishment: he gets to stay in school and will miss three football games.

Those of you keeping score at home, that's one semester suspension from school and athletics for having a spliff in your car and 180 minutes of benchwarming for cruising for hookers. You figure that one out.

Anyway, I did my heavy-handed serious piece on the whole situation over at the Fanhouse, so you can go over the gory details and the potential fallout from this decision over there. Here at the HRB, it's all about fun and games and fart jokes, so I'll lay off anything too preachy at this venue. The bottom line, though, is that there are four possible explanations for what happened:

1.) The University magically decided to take a different approach to athlete suspensions and show more care and common sense than in the previous cases, which were brutal by even the strictest standards. They also decided to do this without telling anybody and the day before a football player got busted. Prognosis: Uh, not likely.

2.) Since soliciting a prostitute is not strictly addressed in the parameters of du Lac (the holy parchment for disciplinary action), whereas there is clear verbage on more commonplace malfeasances like smoking a doobie, Hand skated by on a technicality. Let's call it the Farmer Hoggett Exemption: if there's nothing in the holy parchment that specifically forbids it, then it's OK. Prognosis: Uh, also unlikely. I got busted for holding and booking bets on unsanctioned giraffe races on North Quad my sophomore year, and I'm pretty sure there's nothing in du Lac expressly prohibiting that.

3.) The old "selling your soul for football glory" thing...

4.) There's more to this case than we know about, and a thorough review of the case and its circumstances showed that Hand's specific situation was much different than what the headlines will tell you. There is enough exonerating evidence to show no criminal misconduct (i.e., Darrell just told the hooker a dirty knock-knock joke instead of requesting sex for money). Cooler heads prevail and a slap on the wrist is issued.

Please, little baby Jesus, let it be number four. I've always felt that this needed to be done anyway, especially since ResLife (as you students and alumni can undoubtedly confirm) has always had a "shoot first, ask questions later" policy in terms of doling out discipline. If it took the time to hear out the merits of the case and take it for its individual circumstances, well, that would just be a big leap forward for the way student affairs are handled at the dome and a very good sign. At this point, we'll just have to wait and see what more information is released. If we don't hear anything by the time Hand is running around decleating offensive linemen, then popular opinion (and mine as well) will start swaying toward any combination of the other three alternatives.

Ugh. Enough of that. Time for fun and games. My ultra-scientific blogpoll ballot will be released later tonight. In the meantime, be a good Christian and put down the hashpipe and get yourself a streetwalker.

Vote Early, Vote Often for College Football Blogger Awards

College football bloggers spend a frightening amount of time laboring over their online projects and, in doing so, almost certainly do it at the expense of alienating their employers, their loved ones, and that sink full of dirty dishes that each day becomes more and more overrun with botulism cultures. Nonetheless, they persevere and continue writing, almost entirely motivited by some slightly misguided altruism and a passionate dream to entertain, inform, and make jokes about mustaches and farts for their loyal readers who, ironically enough, alienate their employers and loved ones by spending an inordinate amount of time surfing the internet and laughing at jokes about mustaches and farts.

Nevertheless, it doesn't hurt to set aside a week or so at the end of the season to be self-indulgent and hold a little awards ceremony to congratulate themselves on the hard work they are doing for free or the random pennies they get from Google Ads. The fine lads at Rocky Top Talk have set up and hosted the poigniantly un-snappily named "2006 College Football Blogger Awards". And while I would prefer a more endearing sobriquet for the award (like, say, the Bloggies or the CoFoBAs), I still value the concept. Furthermore, I think that the actual hardware should look a lot like the 2005 Fiesta Bowl Trophy, as you can see on your right here. Alas, I'm not the boss.

Anyway, the House has made the ballot for two of these lovely awards, so I thought I'd take a minute to plug my viability as a candidate... the people's candidate.

First up is a nomination for Friday Night Lites for Best Podcast/Audio Thingy. FNL was a really fun project to bring together bloggers and talk shop which, unfortunately, came derailed at the end of the season due to massive technological failure (long story short, I had to put down most of my machinery with a shotgun after it became self-aware and tried to kill me in my sleep).

If you want to get a smattering of FNL, you can listen to some sample episodes, like this one, where I interviewed Michigan bloggers, or this one, where I yapped with Jay from Blue-Gray Sky and Orson from EDSBS. And finally, although it wasn't on a normally-scheduled show, I think that Mike Valenti's timeless rant was a staple of the HRB's audio content, so it probably deserves another listening anyway.

Next up is a nomination for Best Big East/Notre Dame Blog. While it's flattering to make it to the finalists, most right-minded readers (including myself) will be casting their lot with Blue Gray Sky, who are (in the words of my sidebar link to them) the "one and only warlords of Notre Dame football".

So get out there and stuff the box. It's an honor to get this recognition and I'd like to thank my loyal readers for their nominations in the initial poll. I'm hitting the campaign trail these next two weeks, so if you see a 79 Chevy Nova painted blue and gold blasting the Notre Dame fight song in your city, come on by and I'll squirt you in the mouth with a super soaker full of Rumpleminze!

Behold, the ultimate campaign weapon!

I'm Going to Training

What kind of training, you ask?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMY TRAINING, SIR!!!

One last huzzah for the seniors in Notre Dame stadium. It's going to be emotional watching some of these guys race through the tunnel for the last time. It's been a wild four years for these guys, marked with massive highs and crushing lows. At the end of the day, though, they helped us all rediscover why we loved the Irish so much.

Anyway, I'm heading out to the game, and I'll be catching updates on the "OMG game of the fucking century" on my cell phone, which will give me a convenient opportunity to not to have to root for anyone to win.

Also, Bo Schembechler died. Try not to be too big of a jerk about it, at least for a few days.

Somewhat Belated Happy Birthday to the House Rock Built

Sometime on Saturday afternoon, the House Rock Built turned one year old. This project more or less started out because I had something urgently important about mustaches to talk about, and sort of took off from there. So here I am one year and 300,000 visitors later, and it's been a really great ride. Not to wax too poetic, but interacting with the readers, meeting up with my fellow bloggers, and generally doing my thing to the college football world has been a completely unique and awesome experience. Anyway, help yourself to same cake and some punch, because it's almost time for my n-a-p.

Absolutely Required Reading on Gary Gray

There's a lengthy article today in the hometown newspaper of Irish recruit Gary Gray that is completely and utterly mandatory reading. It kind of needs to be seen in its entirity to get the full context, so I shall refrain from blockquoting it here.

All in all, there's a lot to be learned about the high-stakes world of high school athletes and their recruitment, the tangible effect that psychopaths on Internet message boards can have on recruiting, and the triumph of a high school kid from humble roots to overcome outrageous pressure and follow his heart. No matter what happens with Gray's football career under the dome, I for one will always be a big fan of his.

24 Hours Later

These are times that test a blogger's soul. Having only been in this blogging business a scant while (one year anniversary is coming up in two weeks), this is really the first time I'd had to hold court in the aftermath of a devastating loss, thanks to last year's spectacular run. Suffice to say, this late-night writing session has been a trying one in my brief career, as the overwhelming urge is to go into seclusion for a few days and forget about the game, a right which I waived with the increase in popularity in this project.

So I made a vow to give myself 24 hours in the wake of this week's game to compose myself, reflect on what happened, and possibly spend a few precious hours placing this devastating loss into perspective and focusing on non-college-football-type things. Much like any junkie in detox will tell you, the first 24 hours are the roughest, and everyone who visited me were wisely advised to wear a poncho. After blowing back into Chicago and unpacking, I safely hid away my keyboard (along with my firearms, prescription medicine, and elastic-waistband underpants) and feel quite vindicated in doing so, as a lot of the overwhelming emotion has subsided and I can give a sober reflection on the game without hyperbole and excessive Chicken Little-ism.

The team made mistakes. Much like I had discussed leading into this week, there is an incredibly large advantage in this series for the team who is the gritty underdog with a chip on their shoulder, and conversely a huge disadvantage to walking into this with a cocky swagger caused by media hype and crushingly unrealistic fan expectations. While the Irish played tight, unfocused, and tentative, the Wolverines came in clear-headed, loose, and determined. A few early Notre Dame mistakes were immediately capitalized upon by the confident and collected Wolverines, and the complexion of the game rapidly changed after Michigan was spotted three touchdowns. Out of grudging necessity (as possessions are scrace and valuable commodities in this post-3-2-5-e age against a running team), the offense went into desperation mode very early, forsaking the running (and thus play-action) game for a risky one-dimensional passing game against a defense that knew exactly what was coming. Against Michigan State last year, the Irish were able to fight their way back into the game after self-immolizing early, but it was clear to see that this Michigan defense bore no resemblance to the luscious soft-zone defense of the Spartans of 05. More pressure to force big plays turned into more turnovers, which slowly, painstakingly, pushed the game further out of reach.

It's difficult to make a truly objective judgment on the end result of the game. Brian at mgoblog was the first person to reach out after I got back onto the internet, and in our discusscion he summarized the game as a 27-21 game at heart, although the scoreboard did not reflect it due to the early hole Notre Dame found themselves in based on several touchdowns that were more or less given away. On one hand, I do feel that the game was more competitive than the score indicated, but, paradoxically, we were also fortunate to even have even an inkling of hope as late as we did in light of how outclassed we were in all phases of the game. Mentally, this team was a wreck, and it was directly reflected in how badly the team was beaten physically in the battle at the line, the bumfuzzlement in reading coverages, and the sloppy execution of previously-simple tasks like throwing a ten yard slant or wrapping up a running back.

That's about all the in-depth analysis I can give at this time, since I'm going on my alcohol-clouded memories from the stadium. If I can work up the willpower to watch the game on TiVo this week, I'll come up with a Good, Bad, and Ugly analysis, but that's a tossup at this point. But let's take a deep breath and look at the broader picture here:

• Despite what it feels like, it's only one game. Huge rivalries and games with reputaitons on the line seem much more mortally important, but at the end of the day, every single game counts the same.
• How we respond is key. Believe it or not, there are still 9 games left in the season, and winning out would be an unqualified success, even by our own insanely optimistic standards. Even us Notre Dame bloggers who have spearheaded the "irrational exuberance" campaign of 2006 went on record saying Michigan proved the stiffest challenge to a flawless season, and that a one-loss September would still be a tribute to how far this team has come since the bad old days. The key is to not pull the vanishing act that we saw many teams fall into after particularly-devastating losses (see: Pitt, Purdue, Michigan, Tennessee, and Michigan State '05). There needs to be a mindset of "The Season Starts this Saturday" in East Lansing.
• We learned a lot about the team. Hopefully we can make constructive use out of this. Remember when we wrung our hands about Notre Dame's unproven rushing defense? About the re-emergence of costly coverage mistakes? About the inabillity to forcefully establish a run game? We weren't just being paranoid, these were legitimate fears based on an earnest evaluation of this team and the talent on the field. Nobody (well, except maybe Marco) thougt this team was flawless, and we all knew that success this year would depend on a series of fortunate breaks and performing above expectations. Well, we didn't get either of them on Saturday, and you saw what happened. Hey, that's football.
• Hopefully, this loss will bring back that underdog attitude we thrived on last year. Let's face it, this team really hasn't looked the same in the wake of the "media bukkake" and overwhelming hype. It's a new and completely unfamiliar situation for this team (and its fans), especially since they've flourished in the role of fighting on the field for every ounce of respect rather than being constantly lauded with praise without even playing a down. This team has looked like it hasn't been playing like it has something to prove. Now, they have something to prove.

I think that's all I have for now. It's a tough loss, but it's not the end of the world. This was our toughest test of the year leading up to the showdown in Los Angeles, and I feel like the lessons that were forcefully taught to us as we hit the canvas hard will ultimately show rewards in our performance over the rest of the season. Michigan has a hell of a team, and there's no shame in losing to a squad like that one. At the end of the year, if we, God willing, have a 1-1 record against top five teams, I won't feel the least bit bad.