Monday, November 28, 2005

Indisputable Evidence: At-Large Teams

There's been a lot of bellyaching about the two at-large spots in the BCS. While we can certainly use facts, logic, and basic reasoning skills to indisputibly show Notre Dame's worthiness of grabbing one of these, there would be little efficacy in doing so, as "Basic Reasoning" is a Graduate-level class at Oregon and tOSU. Plus, ndoldtown did it already over at NDNation. Nay, the best way to settle this score is with a big stupid tale-of-the-tape list. It's a dirty job, but dammit, somebody has to do it.

Ohio State


Notre Dame
Stadium Named After

The only game where "close" is good enough.

Mythical Lumberjack Thomas Autzen

The Blessed Virgin
Advantage: Notre Dame
Best Recipe for Eating Mascot

In a tree during the cold, cold winter.

A l'Orange

Children served to English peasants.
Advantage: Oregon
Founded By
Massive land grant.
Lewis & Clark
Scraggly-bearded French Priests.
Advantage: Notre Dame
Coach's Fashion Statement

Sweatervest and tie, a la Apollo 13 Engineer.

Cheezy Mustache and feathered hair. Does anyone else think Bellotti looks like the guy from the Wedding Singer?

Buzz Cut
Advantage: None
Best Line from Fight Song

Hail! Hail! The Gang's All Here!

Who's Got the Sweetest Disposition?

Shake Down the Thunder from the Sky
Advantage: Notre Dame
Disciplina in civitatem
"Education for Citizenship"
Mens Agitat Molem
Knowledge is Good
Vita, Dulcedo, Spes
(Mary, our) Life, Sweetness, and Hope
Advantage: Notre Dame

There you go. Indisputible. Book your hotels and pack your sunscreen, jam your iPods with Gin Blossoms and Jimmy Eat World tunes, and let's crack some skulls in the desert.