Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Indisputable Evidence: Ride that Coaching Carousel

The mighty hammer of vengeance has fallen heavily this last week, cleanly cleaving inept, incompotent, and downright unbalanced head coaches from their jobs with voracious fury and nigh-indiscriminate bloodlust. As we enter the weeks of obsessive plane-watching, rumermongering, and of course the obligatory Gary Barnett withdrawing his name from consideration, it's important that we take a second to look back on those fallen coaches who are soon to be unemployed, dead in a bathtub, or, worse yet, locked in a studio with Bob Davie for hours.

Alas, we here at the House Rock Built thought it would be a fitting tribute to the washouts of the big show to gather them together, pretty them up, and have a bachelor auction for fired coaches, Indisputable Evidence style. So get your checkbooks ready, because it's time to meet our bachelors. Remember, all proceeds go to charity, so dig deep people. Let's have a look-see, shall we?

Mike Shula

Larry Coker

John L. Smith

Chuck Amato
Done in by:

Crusty octogenarian with sunburnt jowls Mal Moore.

Batty-looking disciplinarian and Clinton employee Donna Shalala

Mustachioed hockey coach and ne'er-do-well Ron Mason

Lee Fowler, another long in the tooth Athletic Director with a silver stache.
Advantage: Larry Coker
Sweet Cheese Buyout:
$4 Million
$3 Million
$1.5 Million
Advantage: Mike Shula
Tasty Arm Candy:

The alarmingly fertile blonde bombshell Shari Shula.

Squiggles, a charming hairless cat that has been his lifelong companion.

Naive yet spiritually-connected squaw from the Powhatan Nation*.

Definitely not these girls. Which is sad.
Advantage: Mike Shula
Nickname I'd Give Him if he Coached Notre Dame:
The Masked Geneticist
The Hairless Wingnut
The Great White Hate from the Potato State
The Big Molly from Raleigh
Advantage: John L. Smith
Celebrity Doppleganger

Brick Tamlin
(HT: Orson)

Uncle Fester


Ironically, Donna Shalala
Advantage: Chuck Amato

* Editor's Note: Our research team indicates we may have him confused with another John Smith

So there you have it, ladies and germs. It looks like Mike Shula squeaks out a win with two points to everybody else's one. I'm serious about that Chuck Amato - Donna Shalala thing. Take a serious look and tell me they're not... like, at least fraternal twins. It's spooky.

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