Sunday, November 27, 2005

Dink & Dunk: Donut Edition

They're Back! Wink Dinkins and Bud Dunkowitz chip in their unsolicited opinions while they sun their bloated carcasses on the couch in a triptiphane-induced stupor.

Futility, thy name is...
There's nothing we love more than a disastrously bad football team, and this season, our cup runneth over. A few weeks ago, we took a sniff at the five teams who were at risk of ending the season winless against 1A competition. Well, grudge week came and went and four of them wrapped up the season by losing out. Let's take a moment to honor these divinely inept squads.

Closest Loss

New Mexico State Aggies
Absolutely none. But give the Ags some credit, they didn't schedule any creampuff 1-AA teams.A gut-wrenching OT loss to Idaho on October 29. Idaho pulled out the stops and went for the win, going for two after scoring in the second overtime. The fans in Las Cruces went wild when Steve Wichman's pass tumbled incomplete, sealing the win for NMSU. But not so fast, pardner. An offsides penalty on the Ags reset the ball and gave the Vandals one last shot, which they capitalized on.

Temple Owls
None. Now-independent Temple played a Rockne's Ramblers schedule, taking on all comers. Amazingly, getting kicked out of the Big East improved the quality of their schedule.Way back on September 14, Temple flirted with greatness as they took the Broncos of Western Michigan right down the the wire. Broncos kicker Nate Meyer booted a 33 yard field goal as time expired to lift WMU to a 19-16 win. Even more agonizing was that the three point differential can be attributed to a first-quarter PAT. Temple had their conversion blocked and returned 92 yards for 2 points. That hurts.

Kent State Golden Flashes
Kent took down the mighty Redhawks of Southeast Missouri State (the Harvard of Southeastern Missouri) to the tune of 33-12. Things went south fast for the Hawks, who finished the year 2-9 and 7th place in the Ohio Valley Conference.On October 15, Kent took the Midshipmen of Navy down to the wire, pulling within 3 points on a late touchdown run. Unfortunately, they couldn't haul in the onside kick, and Navy ran out the clock for a gritty win.

Duke Blue Devils
Duke vanquished the Keydets of Virginia Military Academy 40-14 on a muggy day in September. VMI never recovered, finishing the season 3-8 and second to last in the Big South Conference.In the final minutes of their grudgematch with North Carolina, Ronnie McGill rambled in from three yards out to put the Tar Heels up 24-21. There's always next year, boys.