What You Sippin' On?

There's just not enough to write about these days, but the tension in the air is palpable. The season is nigh approaching, and thoughts start turning to lazy Saturday mornings, frenzied afternoon bacchanals, and hangovers that start almost immediately following the game and last through Sunday. We've been finding ourselves more and more at our local drinking establishments pondering the delicious value added of enjoying our favorite beverages in both sun and shade. We've even been coming up with some new concoctions we feel would bring the added elements of both refreshment and surprise to any tailgater.

Of course, this is where we say "You know how your favorite popular team is like this hilarious beverage?" Nay. Form your own conclusions.

So, college football boozehounds, what you sippin' on?

Tucker Max Death Mix
The gold standard and slightly cliched energy beverage guaranteed to take years off of your life. We know this and we still dont care. Mix 2 cans of Red Bull, one fifth of Everclear, and 32oz of the traditional yellow Gatorade chilled over ice for this trip to irrational exuberance. Personally, we're not saying we've already stolen the local McDonald's Orange Bowl to facilitate such a beverage...but we're not NOT saying it either.


Rum and Ice
On the other side of the boozing spectrum, we're also stocking up on quality depressants as well. Might as well prepare for the worst too, right? When the stark reality of your alma mater posting another lackluster season hits you in the face like a 3 month long bitch slap, you'll be glad you prepared. Rum. Ice. The combination of drunken poet kings, the utterly hopeless, and the generally deadbeat alike.


Red Moco Cooler!
The crazy half-brother of exuberance, irrational binge drinking. We're planning all sorts of ways to kick back like a senile Southern gentleman, but we doff our box social caps to the most recent creation of Dr. Rusty Venture. Kahlua, Hershey's syrup, and a dash of Red Kool-Aid! That.....sounds......HORRIBLE! Horrible indeed. For the thoroughly confused genteel boozer.


Purple Drank
The obligatory roll slower of the bunch. Specifically recommended for large, once-prominent, fan bases to resign themselves to the fate of interminable mediocrity. Grab some promethazine and jolly ranchers as you mix yourselves a tall glass of acceptance. Remarkably enough, the purple color is more than appropriate.


Barenjager
Finally, we would be remiss to leave out our favorite pregame activity, bearhunting. The Baron as we affectionately call it (along with Das Bearmeister, Der Bearhunterr, and NO! GOD NO!) is a tasty Bavarian treat for all seasons when properly chilled. The lovely carrying case is also built into the wicker handle, always ensuring that the meady liquer is always close by. Be warned, in large enough doses, bearhunting is the realest shit ever.


What about the rest of our loyal readers? We're sure the dozens of you all over the world have your own pregame preferences. No reason to keep secrets. We're all friends here.

Vote for Your 2007 All-Hairmerican Team!

It's that time of year again... time to start putting together ballots for postseason awards. And while many of you will be wondering who will win pedestrian trinkets like the Heisman, Butkus, or Maxwell award, the House Rock Built will be digging through game film to award the most prestigious honor of the postseason: The All-Hairmerican Team. Founded on this very site in 2005, the award has continued its annual tradition of awarding excellence in hairstyles in college football. Taking one look at the distinguished recipients of this award, it's pretty clear to see that an All-Hairmerican is a better predictor of success at the next level than just about any award out there.

This year is shaking out to be the most thrilling competition in the history of the award. Aside from a few locks (Colt Brennan and ASU lineman Paul Fanaika), there's a pretty wide open field out there. Also, we may be approaching a first in the glorious history of the All-Hairmerican award: Georgia Tech LB Philip Wheeler has a shot of being the first ever two-time All-Hairmerican. Oh, the tension!

So this is where you come in, dear readers. Make your voice heard, and submit your nominees in the comments section. Results will be tabulated a week from today and the finalists will be committed to eternity in shining awesomeness.

Here's a Fun Contest for the Dead Period Between Now and Spring Practice...

Bowl season is over, awards season is over, and recruiting season is more or less winding down, so us diehards are stuck with a few months of disoriented nothingness while we wait for spring practice. Understanding how desperate you are for something to do after you've devoted the last four months of your life to college football, the House Rock Built is hosting a contest that should keep those idle hands busy.

Okay, readers. Here's what you do. Go out to a pet store, a breeder, or the local pound and buy yourself a Jack Russell Terrier. Next, spend the next two months working with your new pooch around the clock, training him (or her... or neither, if you did the responsible thing and threw down $75 to have it fixed) to bark in exact synchronization with the "woofs" on the Baha Men's 2000 classic hit "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

Now, go to the absolure worst part of town in the city you live in and find the dirtiest and most dangerous bar that has karaoke. Take your pooch in there and rock the house while a companion videotapes the entire ordeal.

The first reader to provide a link to a YouTube video of this, pending authentication by an independent judging firm, will receive a free copy of "The University of Notre Dame: Fighting Irish Collector's Edition DVD Set ". Ready? The contest begins..... now!

Partial Nudity Delayed, Millions Rejoice

Last week I asked my loyal readers to ajudicate and come to a ruling on a braggadocious bet I made in the preseason. The polls are closed and the people have spoken. By a margin of 22-5, it has been decided that final rankings are not calculated until after bowl season. Ergo, you will not see a picture of me in Razorbacks boxers unless the Hogs beat Wisconsin in their bowl game and end the season in the top 13.

Bucky Badger, you are my last hope. Judging by how Wisconsin has fared against teams not named Buffalo or San Diego State, morale is at an all-time low at the House Rock Built

No! Put down the basketball! Football, man. Football. This is hopeless.

The House Rock Built is Appealing for a Ruling

Allright, readers, I need your help to provide a ruling on the field. So in August I hosted the preseason blogpoll roundtable, and came out guns blazing against people who overrated Arkansas. Read:

Personally, I think that all of these people who voted Arkansas high in the poll (two people put them as high as 13!) are suckers that fell for a big joke that Phil Steele has played on the world. All of you overeducated dorks who bought and have ingested every word of Phil Steele's 2006 college football guide (hey, I'm guilty too) saw that Steele put the Hogs at #13 in his preseason poll, which I am convinced is either a typo or a prank to see how many bloggers he can fool.**

And if you followed the double-asterisk down to the bottom of the post, you would see this additional verbiage tacked on:

** Uh, since I've gone on record saying that, I suppose I should take some accountability. I propose that if the Hogs end up ranked 13 or higher at the end of the season, I will post a picture of myself painted red wearing nothing but Razorbacks boxers.

Wager made, verbal contract enforceable, yadda yadda yadda. The problem is, however, that I was a little bit ambiguous in my choice of words. Does "end of the season" mean "end of the regular season"? In that case I have already lost the bet, woe is me. Or do I still have a chance to win the bet if the Hogs should fall in their bowl game? In the interest of fair play, I'm turning it over to the readers to decide. Cast your vote in the comments. In one week, I will comply with the majority. Just remember to vote in accordance to your interpretation of the Constitution, not out of some personal desire to see my somewhat-spoon-chested body on the internet.

UPDATE: So far, "after the bowl" is leading 18-5. Go Badgers. For the love of God, go Badgers.

Readers, the House Rock Built Needs Your Help

It's time for some audience participation at the House Rock Built, and I'm counting on my loyal readers to step up to the plate and help out. There are two items of business:

• First, I'm starting to compile the 2006 All-Hairmerican team, a prestigious award that was founded on this very website last year that honors the truly legendary hairstyles of college football. Unfortunately, I'm a little bit stumped, because having traveled to every Notre Dame game this year, I haven't had as much time to scope out the rest of the college football world for All-Hairmericans, especially since the Irish slate this year consisted of surprisingly clean-cut and well-groomed young men. Very disappointing.
  
  Anyway, we're taking nominees for the 2006 All-Hairmerican team, and your vote counts. So drop off a comment on this thread with your nominee's name, position, and if at all possible a link to a picture of them in action.
  
  
  Someday, your son might win this award and vindicate the crummy waste of life you've been.
  
  
• Second, I'm gonig to have to revamp the top of the page banner for the site, since those three fine athletes will all be graduating this year and likely moving on to the NFL. While I'm thinking of taking another whack at it myself in the old Photoshop, I figured I'd open it up to the readers too, as I'm willing to bet there's some hidden artistic talent out there. The rules are pretty simple... the banner has to be 850 x 200 (or 200ish. It has to be 850 wide, though), and have something to do with Notre Dame football. Also, I couldn't help but notice the more I look at this page that my player selection for the banner was... let's just say a little bit on the white side. I would probably prefer if my replacement banner had a bit more diversity in it.
  
  Other than that, it's pretty much free reign. It can have current players, past players, or any other insignia that gets the reader pumped up about football. I'll probably keep the text from this banner and overlay it on my next one, but you can also take a crack at the logo too.
  
  
  A good example of what not to do...
  
  Anyway, if you're up to the challenge, you can e-mail your entry to houserockbuilt@gmail.com. The lucky winner will receive a free copy of "The University of Notre Dame: Fighting Irish Collector's Edition DVD Set", which features hour after hour of all of Notre Dame's greatest games. The good folks that made it provided me with a few copies to give away to my awesome readers, and also sent me one to enjoy for myself. It's wicked cool, guys. Right before we left for USC, I watched the '77 Green Jerseys Game against USC with the Irishoutsider and Trev Alberts and we took turns alternating between belts of whiskey and suckerpunches to the face. Now that's how you get fired up for a football game.
  
  
  Do not mix with brown liquor. Results could be painful.

Vote Brady Quinn for Heisman... or Vote John Linnell

Joy of joys, every college football fan in the world now has a way to have an influence on the Heisman race! Nissan has launched a voting site on ESPN that is auctioning off their Heisman vote to the winner of their Internet popularity contest. Make your voice heard here.

Naturally, this brings up a few concerns. First, how the hell does Nissan have a vote for the Heisman? It seems kind of arbitrary to give a vote to an inanimate object, and doubly so when you know what they're going to do with it (i.e., auction it off).

Secondly, the Heisman committee seems to be demonstrating an unshakable faith in the Internet Poll thhat, franky, I feel is unwarranted. I guess they're not up-to-date on these stories, but it was an online poll that voted They Might Be Giants frontman and accordion player-extraordinaire John Linnell one of People Magazine's 10 Sexiest People (ten sexiest people, mind you. He was competing with both men and women). Never, ever doubt the power of throngs of nerds on the Internet and their ability to conquer logic and reason through voting.

It looks like Chris Leak is enjoying a John Linnell moment right now, as he is in a very comfortable second place right now. That's right, the same Chris Leak whose own fans gave him the torch & pitchfork treatment after his collapse against Auburn. Yay Democracy!

Anyway, fight fire with fire and stuff the box for Brady.

Friday Night Lites - Purdue and Andy French!

We farm out our labor overseas and have Brian from mgoblog break down Purdue for us. The verdict: they're not terribly good. We also have a phenomenal entry for the Andy French cup during the closing song. You will love it. While Valenti stole a lot of the Andy French thunder, there are some quality home-grown breakdowns that are worth checking out.

Today's highlights:

• I curse Brian and his team for eternity.
• I play a clip I recorded seconds after the conclusion of the game. It's hard to understand, but that's me and my section (including known blogger Sean from Kelly Green declaring that "There is a God!"
• I'm a degenerate who gambles on high school sports. That asswipe kicker from Oaks Christian cost me $500 on my OCHS (-31) teaser.
• The end of the podcast is recorded after I got quite drunk while watching and liveblogging the OCHS-Venice tilt over at the Fanhouse. (Quarters 3 and 4 are here).
• No lightning round, Brian has already done it (and stunk it up).

Here's your first Andy French Cup entry:

John L. Smith Deserves a Shitkicking
Submitted By:	An anonymous Spartan fan with a suburban Chicago area code.
Target:	John L. Smith
Alcohol Ingested:	It's an angry drunk, so I'm guessing cheap beer. Since it doesn't sound like our caller was concussed, I'm guessing he was drinking from a can, which is much safer to smash against your forehead in horrified disgust than a bottle.
Reason For Call:	Hilariously awful meltdown. Decades of pent-up aggression from seing Michigan State do this over and over and over.
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And here's your prodcast. Prost!


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