Those of you keeping score at home are probably wondering if the House Rock Built is still alive, after a disastrous gambling incident resulting in not one, not two, but six fucking slaps being dealt upon your beloved fightinamish. Fire Mark May has the blow-by-blow, and the official video of the street justice that ensued. Everybody under 17 years old, please leave the room. This video is not for innocent eyes.
As we pack up the Truckster Family Road Queen for tomorrow's pilgrimage to South Bend for the spring game, we're throwing up one last post here to go on the record. While the spring game is a life-saving offseason fix for football junkies who are struggling through this long stretch of forced pigskin celibacy, it's ultimately a glorified practice. It's difficult to get too worked up about a split-squad scrimmage with red-jerseyed quarterbacks, at least not to the typical level of bloodlust that we're used to on an average trip to Notre Dame stadium. Fortunately, the good lord has blessed us with two invaluable tools to spice up the action this weekend: booze and gambling.
With the booze already handily taken care of, the Irish Outsider and myself have conferred in our hollowed-out volcano lair this week and come up with seven wagers on the Blue Gold game that will be sure to keep us locked in on the action on the field. What are the stakes, you ask? It's not money, since that's no real motivator (hell, the Irish Outsider drives around on a solid-gold Segway encrusted with Condor eggs). No, my friends, we are making the ultimate bet:
Remember, no rings.
That's right, slap bet. Seven wagers, the net difference in victories will be doled out in slaps to the losing party (e.g., were I to win 5 and lose 2 bets, I would dish out three slaps on IO's mug). Let's have a look at the bets. The lines were set by chief gambling correspondent Free Money Dave.
FInal Score: Blue -6.5. I'm taking the blue squad and giving 6.5 points. It's an interesting bet, because while Blue has the first team offense, they will be going up against the first team defense on the Gold squad.
HRB's Pick: Blue -6.5
Over/Under: 41.5. Irish Outsider picked the Under, which seems to be a pretty wise decision. With the running clock and inexperienced quarterbacks, I'd be stunned if this one went over 41.5 points.
HRB's Pick: Over
Quarterback Passing Yards, Clausen vs. Sharpley. Clausen -35. I've got Clausen, giving 35 yards. With four quarterbacks alternating series and a threadbare set of receivers, it will be interesting to see if any one quarterback is able to rack up a large amount of passing yards. However, if anybody's going to do it, I feel pretty good with taking Clausen.
HRB's Pick: Clausen -35
Rushing Yards, Aldridge vs. Thomas. Thomas -15. Travis Thomas was the MVP of last year's spring game, running roughshod over the defense, including an 80 yard scamper. After spending a year on defense, he's ready to jump back into his old role at running back. IO picked Thomas and gave 15 yards. If James Aldridge can keep up with Thomas, I will be very impressed.
HRB's Pick: Aldridge +15
Over/Under on Total Turnovers: 2.5. Another tricky one. There's no blitzing allowed and the QB's will be protected with red jerseys, so there won't be too many hurried, mistake-prone throws. Nevertheless, with the O-Line playing ironman football with no subs, there's going to be a lot of pressure on the backs that could result in some fumbles. Throw in four inexperienced quarterbacks, and I'm thinking we're going over.
HRB's Pick: Over
Jersey Number of Game MVP, Odd or Even. A clever one. The IO picked odds, which gives him three of the quarterbacks (Clausen, Jones, Sharpley), the top four receivers (Grimes, West, Hord, and Gallup), and some other big contrubitors (Armando Allen, Zbikowski, and kicker Ryan Burkhart). My evens include QB Zach Frazer, the top two RB's (Thomas and Aldridge), and much of the starting defense.
HRB's Pick: Even
Over/Under for Gametime Temperature: 68.5. I took the under, and that feels like free money to me. If the last 8 spring games have taught me nothing, it's that you should always expect cold weather. The weather.com forecaset says 68 and sunny, but I've been burned by optimistic spring forecast in the Midwest too many times. I'm taking a jacket and this bet to the bank.
Brian @ mgoblog sent out an e-mail last night explaining a little thing for bloggers to do to show solidarity with Virginia Tech. Suffice to say, this writer is horribly unqualified to make any commentary on the shock and grief in Blacksburg, but hopefully this small gesture on the part of the blogosphere will keep the people of Virginia Tech in our thoughts & prayers.
Rumors of the House Rock Built's Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated
Well, kids, it's been a while since the House has rapped with you, so I thought I'd drop in and reintroduce myself. Like all of you, I'm struggling through the dark ages of the football offseason and doing whatever I can to keep myself occupied. Between my Vegas trip (and subsequent trial and acquittal), a new job, baseball season, the NHL playoffs, and my triumphant return to the dating scene, there hasn't been much time to keep the House updated, and for that I deeply apologize.
Not a whole lot has happened this last month, but here's a brief rundown of what has gone down under the dome:
Brady Quinn performed the 7th Inning Stretch at Wrigley Field yesterday, alongside teammates Ryan Harris and Dan Santucci while wearing a Jackie Robinson Dodgers jersey.
The recruiting class got a bit bigger, as TE Kyle Rudolph, LB David Posluszny (the All-American's younger brother), and LB Anthony McDonald jumped on board. Dogbook capsules will be up soon, but for now, feast away on some Neil Diamond, you junkies.
The Spring Game is this Saturday. Amazingly, the forecast is calling for temperatures in the 60's and clear skies, which I will believe when I see. The House Rock Built will be out in full force, pounding beers, beating up nerds, and belting out ear-piercing karaoke of Journey's greatest hits. If any readers are in South Bend, you're more than welcome to swing by and say "yo" and pound a beer with the editorial staff. Details will be made available as they arise.
Georgia Sports Blog A Dawg blog about Dawg sports written by (you guessed it) a man named Dawg.
Dawg Sports T. Kyle King serves up an extra large helping of Dawg sports. We are obligated to inform you that he may be a lawyer. Proceed with caution.
MGoBlog Ann Arbor's grumpy nextdoor neighbor who won't let you jump his fence to retrieve your baseball.
The M Zone Sure, they're Michigan fans, but this site cracks my shit up. Besides, what divides us is less significant than what unites us: we're brothers-in-arms in the war against the dastardly, plagarizing ESPN network.
Maize & Brew The hardest-drinking college football blog on the internet not named House Rock Built.
Those Other Conferences and Independents
Burnt Orange Nation Comprehensive coverage on our beloved Longhorns and free tutoring for the Wonderlic test.
Bruins Nation Yet another college football team in Los Angeles? Insanity. Excellent blog for those of you who bleed powder blue.
Football Generalia, Snark, and Miscellaneous
Deadspin The shimmering, all-knowing hearbeat of sports blogs. Edgy, punchy, and most likely half-drunk.
Fire Mark May A bizarre insight into the behind-the-scenes world in Bristol, CT.