Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The House Rock Built Remains on Vacation

Sorry to run off without any warning... things have been pretty busy in the midst of celebrating St. Patrick's Month. This week is the House Rock Built's annual Vegas trip, with guaranteed hilarity to ensue, and next week the House will be hitting the road in east Texas for a week or so. Suffice to say, things will remain quiet around here until after all of that, at which point we will be in full swing for spring practice and have much more entertaining information to pass along.

When the House does come back, we'll be updating on spring practice, planning out our Blue-Gold game festivities (details are still forthcoming, but all readers can expect an open invitation to the HRB tailgate), and checking in with Dink & Dunk. For now, enjoy the hoops tournament and the sunshine and laugh at the fact that, at this very moment, I'm probably in the Nevada desert burying a hooker.

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Yeah, You Can Clap if You Feel it. Irish Snag 3 Recruits.

First thing's first... off with those pants. It's motherfucking dancing time.

Now, let's meet our three lucky suitors who jumped onto the ND Choo Choo after a great Junior Weekend in South Bend that might have actually featured a ray or two of sunlight! Alas, the gods of weather smiled upon the 2008 recruiting class.

Braxston Cave, OL, Mishawaka, I N

6'4", 290
Anagramaticus Says:

"Convex As Brat"
HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating:

Six Angry Drunk Vikings, an elephant, and a caveman.
The Lowdown: Braxston has spent his entire life within spitting distance of Notre Dame, and naturally the South Bend native has been a lifelong Irish fan. Hell, he was even named after Irish fullback Braxston Banks. After getting an offer from Notre Dame, Cave didn't hesitate in jumping on board, despite the courtships of Michigan and Florida.

At 290, Cave has no shortage of bulk to make an impact on the offensive line, and it's pretty clear that Weis and his staff got plenty of opportunities to watch him play just down the road.

Bonus YouTube Footage: Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, "Straight to You". Now that's a mullet to write home about.

John Goodman, WR, Fort Wayne, IN

6'4", 185
Anagramaticus Says:

"Jam Hog on Don"
HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating:

Seven Angry Drunk Vikings, a rug (that really ties the room together), and a Babe Ruth jersey.
The Lowdown: If something works, then stick with it. In this case, it's tall lanky white receivers from Northwest Indiana. Goodman hails from Ft. Wayne, a quick two hour jaunt across Indiana Amish country from Valparaiso, where Jeff Samardzija cut his teeth as a wide receiver.

Goodman is also a lifelong Notre Dame fan, and didn't have to think twice when Notre Dame offered a scholarship, even though he had just received an offer from Lloyd Carr. Obviously, he's going to draw comparisons to the Shark right away, so hopefully he can live up to those big shoes to fill. My advice? Stop cutting your hair.

Bonus YouTube Footage: John Goodman's best performance: The Big Lebowski. Slightly Edited Version (NSFW).

Sean Cwynar, DE, Woodstock, IL

6'4", 280
Anagramaticus Says:

"Bash in Trim"
HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating:

Eight Angry Drunk Vikings, a rhinocerous, and a Chicago Dog with the works.
The Lowdown: Nasty Irish defenders and last names with no vowels go together like chicken and waffles, so Cwynar's commitment is a big boon to the newfangled D in South Bend. Now if we could get some more D-linemen with last names like Szczercztyr or Hnignygnagnyn, we'll have one of the more fearsome lines in the country.

Cwynar is a big dude, but his highlight video shows a guy who's curiously quick on his feet, which makes him a good candidate to play DE in the new 3-4 scheme. Cwynar's also no slouch in the classroom, as he currently has a 4.2 GPA (which I originally mistook for his 40 time, causing me to spew orange Gatorade all over my monitor).

Another impressive thing about Cwynar's recruitment is how great of a job Corwin Brown has been doing in his brief tenure. Notre Dame has always been a tough contendor in Chicagoland, but Brown's connections to the area are already starting to turn the Windy City into a pipeline for talent.

Bonus YouTube Footage: Everyone's favorite Welshman: Tom Jones.

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Friday, March 02, 2007

The New Banner is Up!

Well, with the changing times and graduating players, I've decided to revamp the old banner. The theme is "Fightinamish and Friends" and the banner is styled in the manner of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club. It's kind of a tribute to all the personalities who have made these last two years so successful and hilarious.

Essentially, the banner is serving as the House Rock Built's hall of fame. Henceforth, then, if somebody does something awesome or notorious, they can earn their way into the pantheon of the banner. You'll notice that three recently-graduated players made it to the hall, and the House is proud to induct Darius Walker, Brady Quinn, and Jeff Samardzija into the inagural wall of fame class. All three of them had achievements during the career that had a great impact on the team and this website, and are worthy inductees.

If you're an avid reader, you'll probably recognize most of these characters, but if you're a bit confused, here's a handy reader's guide:

(click image for full-size)

1. HR Pufnustuf. Pufnstuf gained immediate fame in college football when Mike Valenti demanded he be hired as Michigan State's defensive coordinator. There's a pretty good chance you've already heard Valenti's rant a thousand times, but you should fire it up one last time, for nostalgia's sake.

2. Darius Walker. Michigan, 2004. An unheralded freshman hops off the bench and singlehandedly propels the Irish to victory. He was small, he was slow, and at times I screamed terrible things about him, but he was the centerpiece to the Irish offense for three years and an invaluable asset. Shifty and tenacious, he fought for every yard, caught every pass that was thrown to him, and never ever fumbled the ball. An obvoius choice for the HRB's pantheon.

3. H. Mervin Longfellows. The notorious booster, he dreams of a simpler time when boosters lived by an unwritten code when they paid their players.

4. Papa John. Urban Meyer's identical twin.

5. Neil Diamond. It's a tradition at HRB to get naked and dance to Neil Diamond every time we get a new recruit.

6. Alec Baldwin. The single greatest living actor of all time. Period.

7. Jeff Samardzija

Crazy hair, crazy catches. Rotted on the bench for two years under Willingham and became a two-time All-American under Weis. I can't even count the number of times he blew my mind with electrifying catches, huge plays, and heroism.

8. All-Hairmerican Award. The highest honor bestowed by the House Rock Built. Each year, we compile the All-Hairmerican Team for the greatest hairdos in college football.

9. Anagramaticus. The wise prophet of college football. He rearranges letters to discover hidden truths.

10. Howard Schnellenberger. A badass mustache-sporter who earned the esteem of the House Rock Built for his voting tendencies. He occasionally submits pearls of wisdom to the House Rock Built. 11. Andy French. The patron saint of getting wrecked, calling football coaches, and screaming inappropriate things. The inspiration for the House Rock Built's Andy French Cup.

12. The Orgeron. The deranged, psychotic cajun from Ole Miss, he serves as a constant inspiration for House Rock Built insanity. He also writes his own blog called Every Day Should Be Lemsday.

13. Orvis P. Sexton. The House Rock Built's resident gonzo journalist. Wherever there's booze, recreational drugs, and a football game, you can expect to see him with his notepad and pen.

14. Wilford Brimley. The long-lost twin of Purdue coach Joe Tiller, he demands that you eat your damn oatmeal.

15. Dink. A tough-luck Notre Dame fan and co-star of the House Rock Built's official comic strip, Dink & Dunk.

16. Stanford Tree. The worst mascot in sports, and victim of a gangland shooting last year. Charlie Weis is still a person of interest.

17. Brady Quinn. Quinn took over a program in desperate shape and spent four years getting his bones crushed. He never backed down, he never complained, and at the end of his tenure, he had piloted Notre Dame into a new era of offensive prowess. He's the man.

18. Franz Kafka. A House Rock Built favorite. After Mike Kafka won the starting quarterback job at Northwestern, the jokes kind of wrote themselves. Also a lucrative merchandising target.

19. The Robot. Courtesy of Marco.

20. Dunk. The second half of the Dink & Dunk comedy team, a USC fan who is prone to getting ripped and discharging firearms indoors.

21. Touchdown Jesus. The icon of Notre Dame football. His influence is spreading.

22. Knute Rockne. The one and only, the guy this whole blog is named after and dedicated to. Loves his Akvavit.

23. Lou Holtz. The scrappy, diminutive coach with a lisp who made me fall in love with Notre Dame football.

24. Ara Parseghian. He stopped the rain. He won two national championships. Nuff said.

25. Frank Leahy. No Mt. Rushmore of Notre Dame football is complete without this man.

26. Rumple Minze. The liquor of the gods. The House Rock Built owns a super soaker full of this 100-proof peppermint schnapps that we spray fans with during our publicity events.

27. Sparks. Three words. Hooker Killing Fuel.

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

You Know You Miss The House Rock Built

The House Rock Built has been off the radar recently, and for that I gravely apologize. There are two main reasons for this. First, there's absolutely nothing to report on in these grim weeks of February. Second, chronic alcoholism. Third, Blogger has apparently locked down my site for some sort of anti-spamming campaign. Three! There are THREE reasons I haven't been able to post. First, the grim weeks of February, second, the alcoholism, third, the spam, and fourth, I've been too busy growing mutton chops. FOUR! There are FOUR reasons I haven't been able to post...

Allright, this is getting silly. Here are some pictures of mutton chops to satiate your blood lust. Mutton chops are glorious. Mine are still about a week away from reaching their true potential, but everyone knows the ladies go crazy for chops. My name is Rufus, and that is the Truth-us.

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