Rumors of the House Rock Built's Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated (Again)

Knowing how sensitive and caring my readershp is, I'm sure everyone out there has been placing bets on what horrible fate has become your beloved editor in the month or so that he has disappeared from the face of the earth. Naturally, I'm sure "Gored by Wild Boar" and "Knifed in Back Alley by Jilted Lover" hit the post as even-money favorites, but everyone who didn't have "Frozen in Carbonite by Debt Collectors" can go ahead and rip up your race tickets, and thanks for playing.

So rest easy, I'm still very much alive and starting to get mobilized for the upcoming football season. Aside from a few new yet-to-be-Anagramaticusized recruits and a non-surgery, not a whole lot of interesting stuff has happened under the golden dome in these dog days of summer. As a result, the House Rock Built has been shifting attentions toward baseball, binge drinking, and the bevy of comely young maidens that emerge in Chicago once miniskirt weather hits. Additionally, I've penned two articles for upcoming Maple Street publications, so there will be some of my quasi-drunken musings in Here Come the Irish 2007 and my laugh-a-minute preview of the 07 Irish in the Michigan annual, Hail to the Victors 2007. Those should become available sometime in the next month or so.

So anyway, the House will be off to sunny Arizona for the holiday weekend and, shortly thereafter, will begin regular(ish) posting, slowly building in momentum until the fever pitch of preseason pandemonium of August, so plan your web surfing accordingly (and tell your friends). So, that's what's up in the House Rock Built's world. What have you been doing to deal with football withdrawl?

Oh, and if you're aching for some hijinks, I farked up a few pictures for Orson this morning, which you can check out here. I was more than a little embarassed to learn that former NYPD Blue semi-hottie Kim Delaney is not the commissioner of the Big 10, but rather eponymous sound-alike Jim Delaney. I think I'm going to have to go back and edit a few old posts that probably sounded really, really, really ignorant. Mea Culpa.

Yeah, You Can Clap if You Feel it. Irish Snag 3 Recruits.

First thing's first... off with those pants. It's motherfucking dancing time.

Now, let's meet our three lucky suitors who jumped onto the ND Choo Choo after a great Junior Weekend in South Bend that might have actually featured a ray or two of sunlight! Alas, the gods of weather smiled upon the 2008 recruiting class.

Braxston Cave, OL, Mishawaka, I N
	Height/Weight/40: 6'4", 290
	Anagramaticus Says: "Convex As Brat"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Six Angry Drunk Vikings, an elephant, and a caveman.
The Lowdown: Braxston has spent his entire life within spitting distance of Notre Dame, and naturally the South Bend native has been a lifelong Irish fan. Hell, he was even named after Irish fullback Braxston Banks. After getting an offer from Notre Dame, Cave didn't hesitate in jumping on board, despite the courtships of Michigan and Florida. At 290, Cave has no shortage of bulk to make an impact on the offensive line, and it's pretty clear that Weis and his staff got plenty of opportunities to watch him play just down the road. Bonus YouTube Footage: Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, "Straight to You". Now that's a mullet to write home about.

John Goodman, WR, Fort Wayne, IN
	Height/Weight/40: 6'4", 185
	Anagramaticus Says: "Jam Hog on Don"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Seven Angry Drunk Vikings, a rug (that really ties the room together), and a Babe Ruth jersey.
The Lowdown: If something works, then stick with it. In this case, it's tall lanky white receivers from Northwest Indiana. Goodman hails from Ft. Wayne, a quick two hour jaunt across Indiana Amish country from Valparaiso, where Jeff Samardzija cut his teeth as a wide receiver. Goodman is also a lifelong Notre Dame fan, and didn't have to think twice when Notre Dame offered a scholarship, even though he had just received an offer from Lloyd Carr. Obviously, he's going to draw comparisons to the Shark right away, so hopefully he can live up to those big shoes to fill. My advice? Stop cutting your hair. Bonus YouTube Footage: John Goodman's best performance: The Big Lebowski. Slightly Edited Version (NSFW).

Sean Cwynar, DE, Woodstock, IL
	Height/Weight/40: 6'4", 280
	Anagramaticus Says: "Bash in Trim"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Eight Angry Drunk Vikings, a rhinocerous, and a Chicago Dog with the works.
The Lowdown: Nasty Irish defenders and last names with no vowels go together like chicken and waffles, so Cwynar's commitment is a big boon to the newfangled D in South Bend. Now if we could get some more D-linemen with last names like Szczercztyr or Hnignygnagnyn, we'll have one of the more fearsome lines in the country. Cwynar is a big dude, but his highlight video shows a guy who's curiously quick on his feet, which makes him a good candidate to play DE in the new 3-4 scheme. Cwynar's also no slouch in the classroom, as he currently has a 4.2 GPA (which I originally mistook for his 40 time, causing me to spew orange Gatorade all over my monitor). Another impressive thing about Cwynar's recruitment is how great of a job Corwin Brown has been doing in his brief tenure. Notre Dame has always been a tough contendor in Chicagoland, but Brown's connections to the area are already starting to turn the Windy City into a pipeline for talent. Bonus YouTube Footage: Everyone's favorite Welshman: Tom Jones.

The New Banner is Up!

Well, with the changing times and graduating players, I've decided to revamp the old banner. The theme is "Fightinamish and Friends" and the banner is styled in the manner of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club. It's kind of a tribute to all the personalities who have made these last two years so successful and hilarious.

Essentially, the banner is serving as the House Rock Built's hall of fame. Henceforth, then, if somebody does something awesome or notorious, they can earn their way into the pantheon of the banner. You'll notice that three recently-graduated players made it to the hall, and the House is proud to induct Darius Walker, Brady Quinn, and Jeff Samardzija into the inagural wall of fame class. All three of them had achievements during the career that had a great impact on the team and this website, and are worthy inductees.

If you're an avid reader, you'll probably recognize most of these characters, but if you're a bit confused, here's a handy reader's guide:

(click image for full-size)

1. HR Pufnustuf. Pufnstuf gained immediate fame in college football when Mike Valenti demanded he be hired as Michigan State's defensive coordinator. There's a pretty good chance you've already heard Valenti's rant a thousand times, but you should fire it up one last time, for nostalgia's sake.

2. Darius Walker. Michigan, 2004. An unheralded freshman hops off the bench and singlehandedly propels the Irish to victory. He was small, he was slow, and at times I screamed terrible things about him, but he was the centerpiece to the Irish offense for three years and an invaluable asset. Shifty and tenacious, he fought for every yard, caught every pass that was thrown to him, and never ever fumbled the ball. An obvoius choice for the HRB's pantheon.

3. H. Mervin Longfellows. The notorious booster, he dreams of a simpler time when boosters lived by an unwritten code when they paid their players.

4. Papa John. Urban Meyer's identical twin.

5. Neil Diamond. It's a tradition at HRB to get naked and dance to Neil Diamond every time we get a new recruit.

6. Alec Baldwin. The single greatest living actor of all time. Period.

7. Jeff Samardzija

Crazy hair, crazy catches. Rotted on the bench for two years under Willingham and became a two-time All-American under Weis. I can't even count the number of times he blew my mind with electrifying catches, huge plays, and heroism.

8. All-Hairmerican Award. The highest honor bestowed by the House Rock Built. Each year, we compile the All-Hairmerican Team for the greatest hairdos in college football.

9. Anagramaticus. The wise prophet of college football. He rearranges letters to discover hidden truths.

10. Howard Schnellenberger. A badass mustache-sporter who earned the esteem of the House Rock Built for his voting tendencies. He occasionally submits pearls of wisdom to the House Rock Built. 11. Andy French. The patron saint of getting wrecked, calling football coaches, and screaming inappropriate things. The inspiration for the House Rock Built's Andy French Cup.

12. The Orgeron. The deranged, psychotic cajun from Ole Miss, he serves as a constant inspiration for House Rock Built insanity. He also writes his own blog called Every Day Should Be Lemsday.

13. Orvis P. Sexton. The House Rock Built's resident gonzo journalist. Wherever there's booze, recreational drugs, and a football game, you can expect to see him with his notepad and pen.

14. Wilford Brimley. The long-lost twin of Purdue coach Joe Tiller, he demands that you eat your damn oatmeal.

15. Dink. A tough-luck Notre Dame fan and co-star of the House Rock Built's official comic strip, Dink & Dunk.

16. Stanford Tree. The worst mascot in sports, and victim of a gangland shooting last year. Charlie Weis is still a person of interest.

17. Brady Quinn. Quinn took over a program in desperate shape and spent four years getting his bones crushed. He never backed down, he never complained, and at the end of his tenure, he had piloted Notre Dame into a new era of offensive prowess. He's the man.

18. Franz Kafka. A House Rock Built favorite. After Mike Kafka won the starting quarterback job at Northwestern, the jokes kind of wrote themselves. Also a lucrative merchandising target.

19. The Robot. Courtesy of Marco.

20. Dunk. The second half of the Dink & Dunk comedy team, a USC fan who is prone to getting ripped and discharging firearms indoors.

21. Touchdown Jesus. The icon of Notre Dame football. His influence is spreading.

22. Knute Rockne. The one and only, the guy this whole blog is named after and dedicated to. Loves his Akvavit.

23. Lou Holtz. The scrappy, diminutive coach with a lisp who made me fall in love with Notre Dame football.

24. Ara Parseghian. He stopped the rain. He won two national championships. Nuff said.

25. Frank Leahy. No Mt. Rushmore of Notre Dame football is complete without this man.

26. Rumple Minze. The liquor of the gods. The House Rock Built owns a super soaker full of this 100-proof peppermint schnapps that we spray fans with during our publicity events.

27. Sparks. Three words. Hooker Killing Fuel.

Your 2007 Dogbook: Defensive Skill Positions

At long last, here is part three of the Class of 2007 Dogbook.

Your Class of 2007 Dogbook: Defensive Skill Positions

Brandon Walker, K/P, Findlay, OH
	Height/Weight/40: 62", 190
	Anagramaticus Says: "Warn Dark Noble"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Five Angry Drunk Vikings and two bucking Mules.
The Lowdown: Proving Newton's Law of Conservation of Walkers, Notre Dame locked up a replacement Walker weeks after Darius announced he was heading for the NFL. Granted, Brandon's skillset isn't exactly the same as young Darius', but he has an opportunity to contribute at a kicking position that is wide open going into 2007. Walker was a bit of a curious pickup. A late acquisition after he decommitted from Louisville after Bobby Petrino left for the NFL, a lot of Irish fans were curious about the logic behind giving another kicker a scholarship after Ryan Burkhart was signed last year. The instant speculation is that Burkhart hasn't developed as planned in his first year in South Bend, and having another kicker, if for no other reason than to provide more competition for the position, is important to maximizing the productivity in the kicking game. In 2007, Walker will have a shot to compete for the placekicking duties, and after Geoff Price leaves next year, he'll have a shot at the punting duties, too. Bonus YouTube Footage: Walker Texas Ranger beating somebody's ass. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

Brian Smith, ILB, Overland Park, KS
	Height/Weight/40: 6'2", 230, 4.7
	Anagramaticus Says: "Bash in Trim"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Seven Angry Drunk Vikings, a soybean, and a Wheel of Pain.
The Lowdown: Brian Smith is a great example of how a change in defensive philosophy makes an immediate change in the value of prospects. The son of a Notre Dame football player and a lifelong Notre Dame fan, Smith was not offered a scholarship by the Irish due to the lack of a clear role for him to play in Rick Minter's 4-3 defense. Smith accepted a scholarship to Iowa in the meantime and was a vocal recruiter for the Hawkeyes during his commitment. However, with the hiring of Corwin Brown and the change to a 3-4 defense, Smith's stock suddenly jumped in the eyes of the Notre Dame coaching staff, as his size and abilities project very nicely to an inside linebacker position in a 3-4. A few phone calls and an official visit later, Smith pledged to the Irish and set the Wheel of Pain into motion. With an increased importance on the linebacker position, Smith will have a great opportunity to compete for playing time early and make a difference in the new, revamped Irish defense. Bonus YouTube Footage: Cheer up, Brian. Always look on the bright side of life.

Harrison Smith, S, Knoxville, TN
	Height/Weight/40: 6'2", 205, 4.45
	Anagramaticus Says: "This Rash Minor"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Eight Angry Drunk Vikings, a Jar of Corn, and a Handfull of M&M's.
The Lowdown: Tennessee has always been a difficult state to lure top talent out of, what with the in-state Volunteers being such an overpowering force in the state. However, Smith and his fellow Tennesseean Golden Tate both both spurned the fat man to play for another fat man a few states over. Harrison Smith is a great prototype of a rangy safety, as he has blazing speed in additioni to a hefty build that equates to terrifying, concusscion-inducing hits while playing centerfield. Yes, he's white, which has caused obligatory comparisons to John Lynch, Tom Zbikowski, and a bigger, faster, football-playing Eminem (the House Rock Built's standard retort to oversimplified comparisons drawn solely on racial stereotypes). Smith is a great addition and appears to have natural ballhawking instincts that will make him a welcome upgrade in the secondary when his time to play comes. Bonus YouTube Footage: Harrison Ford... selling Japanese beer. Head, meet explode.

Gary Gray, CB, Columbia, SC
	Height/Weight/40: 5'11", 165, 4.55
	Anagramaticus Says: "Gray Gary"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Eight Angry Drunk Vikings and two cockfighting roosters.
The Lowdown: Gray is another big pickup to fill in the needs of a Notre Dame defense trying to find an identity: a shutdown corner. One of the top prospects out of South Carolina, Gray was originally committed to Spurrier and the Gamecocks, but changed his mind early in the season and never looked back. While he's a bit on the smallish size (165 pounds? Get that boy an ice cream sandwich, stat!), Gray has the speed and polished coverage skills to become a great lockdown cornerback. If you want the full story on Gray beyond what I can muster up in a few paragraphs, read this article, which tells in great detail the long road that Gray has walked down in his quest to become a college athlete. Bonus YouTube Footage: The pride of Gary, IN... the Jackson Five.

Steve Paskorz, ILB, Allison Park, PA
	Height/Weight/40: 6'2", 220, 4.5
	Anagramaticus Says: "Spank Over Zest"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Six Angry Drunk Vikings, a rhinocerous, and a spicy kielbasa.
The Lowdown: Paskorz was another early commitment, pledging to the Irish way back in May. He seems like another player who would have been a "tweener" in the old 4-3 defense, but can find a much more prominent role as a linebacker in a 3-4. A running back in high school, Paskorz mowed over the competition and racked up some pretty impressive credentials, although his talents are much more suitable for linebacking at the college level. Hopefully, he'll be able to bring his hard-hitting mentality to the other side of the ball. Bonus YouTube Footage: Allison Park, Allison Road. Allright, it's a thin excuse to play some Gin Blossoms.

Aaron Nagel, LB, Lemont, IL
	Height/Weight/40: 6'1", 215, 4.52
	Anagramaticus Says: "An Anal Ogre"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Six Angry Drunk Vikings, a motorcycle, and a nail gun.
The Lowdown: Nagel, just like Paskorz, is a hard-hitting high school running back who will be playing linebacker in college. Another early commitment, Nagel has been in the fold with the Irish since March after a long interview with Weis on a junior day camp. His last name is German for "Nails", which is about as hardcore as you can get. Also, he's a 4.0 student who is currently ranked third in his graduating class. Bonus YouTube Footage: "88 Lines About 44 Women" by The Nails. The only YouTube I could find was this vaguely NSFW Anime clip. It's weeeeird.

My god, it's finally over.

Your Class of 2007 Dogbook: Big Uglies Edition

Part Two of Three of the introduction to the latest freshman class, here's the lowdown on the linemen from this year's class.

Your Class of 2007 Dogbook: Big Uglies Edition

Matt Romine, OL, Tulsa, OK
	Height/Weight/40: 6'6", 270, 5.2
	Anagramaticus Says: "I'm a Torment"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Eight Angry Drunk Vikings, an elephant, and a Covered Wagon.
The Lowdown: Romine (pronounced Row-mine, not Rom-mini, as I thought previously) was the lone bit of good news for the Irish at the 2007 Army All-American game, when he committed to Notre Dame in a pre-game hat ceremony. Romine had a huge upside on the offensive line and his commitment was a huge victory for the Irish in drawing top talent out of the notoriously off-limits state of Oklahoma. Romine was recruited heavily by his in-state Sooners, and had Notre Dame fans on edge right up until signing day due to the persistence of Bob Stoops and his staff. Romine was chosen as one of the captains for the west squad of the All-American Bowl and handled himself very admirably at tackle while matched up against the superhuman group of defensive ends on the East squad. Bonus YouTube Footage: "Romine" is one letter from "Bromine", one of nature's more volatile chemicals. Don't believe me? Have a look.

Taylor Dever, OL, Grass Valley, CA
	Height/Weight/40: 6'6", 300, 5.3
	Anagramaticus Says: "Overly Rated"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Six Angry Drunk Vikings, a rhinocerous, and a Beatles Haircut.
The Lowdown: Dever was a big sleeper in the class of 2007. Hailling from the fairly remote confines of Grass Valley, CA (a few miles outside of the curiously-named "Rough and Ready, CA", for what it's worth), Dever flew under the radar of most college programs for the entire recruiting process. However, Dever had a huge growh spurt and added a bunch of weight to his frame, subuseqently having a very dominating season his senior year. At that point, the big-time suitors came calling. Miami(FL) and Nebraska offered him and every school on the west coast started calling him up. Fortunately, Notre Dame was a step ahead of the curve and fired out an early scholarship offer to Dever, who accepted it almost immediately after a visit from the coaching staff. Dever was a great example of proactive recruiting and the payoff for a coaching staff that is able to discover talent and get a foot in the door before everyone else. Dever might need some time to get his body into shape for the college game, but he has a huge frame and all the makings of a big-time contributor. Bonus YouTube Footage: Math-rock duo Hella's "Republic of Rough & Ready". They're from Sacramento, too.

Emeka Nwankwo, OL/DL, Hollywood, FL
	Height/Weight/40: 6'5", 270, 5.2
	Anagramaticus Says: "Weak Know Mean"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Seven Angry Drunk Vikings and two Blood Diamonds.
The Lowdown: Nwankwo follows in a distinguished line of Irish players with unpronounceable, consonant-laden surnames. His family is from Nigeria, and he was a very desirous prospect in the SEC, with offers from Florida, Florida State, Georgia, and Auburn. Nwankwo was a dominant force on both the offensive and defensive lines in high school, although he was primarily recruited to play OL in college. In recent weeks, there has been talk of Nwankwo playing DL at Notre Dame, although Weis stated in his signing day press conference that no final decision has been made on where he will play just yet. Essentially, he will have this season to try out both sides of the ball and see where his abilities and the team's needs put him. Bonus YouTube Footage: The original "Nigerian Nightmare", Christian Okoye breaks like a thousand tackles in Tecmo Super Bowl.

Andrew Nuss, DL, Ashburn, VA
	Height/Weight/40: 6'5", 285, 5.1
	Anagramaticus Says: "Warns Nudes"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Seven Angry Drunk Vikings and two handfulls of mixed nuts.
The Lowdown: I had a bit of fun at his expense back in June when he committed to Notre Dame, but hopefully he won't hold it against me, since he's, you know, really really big. Nuss was an early commitment to the Irish and never wavered in his commitment, which was a huge relief considering the craziness that went down with the rest of the class. Originally recruited as an offensive lineman, Nuss has confirmed that he will be switched over to defensive line for his college career. With the new defensive system in place and more opportunity to see the field faster on the defensive side, it seemed to be a pretty easy decision for Nuss. Bonus YouTube Footage: A commercial for "Golden Nuss Chocolate", complete with Univision cheesecake. Muy bueno.

Ian Williams, DT, Longwood, FL
	Height/Weight/40: 6'1", 290, 5.0
	Anagramaticus Says: "I am in a Swill"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Seven Angry Drunk Vikings and a spicy kielbasa.
The Lowdown: Coming into 2007, the biggest priority for the recruiting class was signinig a huge, aggressive natural defensive tackle. As great as the class of 2006 was, DT was the one roster spot that was empty, after the high-drama loss of Oklahoma DT Gerald McCoy. Williams' commitment, therefore, was a godsend, stepping into one of the biggest holes in the Irish depth chart. Another beefy prospect from the hotbed of talent in Florida, Williams will be a big part of the redesigned Irish defense in his years at Notre Dame. He's big and powerful, and at 6'1" will have more leverage to play on the inside in a 3-4 system than the other defensive linemen from this class who are all in the 6'5" range. . Bonus YouTube Footage: Get your patchouli stink outta my store, Ian!.

Kerry Neal, DE, Bunn, NC
	Height/Weight/40: 6'3", 230
	Anagramaticus Says: "Kernel Ray"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Seven Angry Drunk Vikings, a vampire, and a plate of Beenie Weenie.
The Lowdown: Kerry Neal was the first commitment in the class, pledging to the Irish nearly a year ago. His commitment came before evaluations and rankings for the class were finalized, so we hardly knew anything about him or his talent when he announced he would be playing for the Irish. However, the coaching staff must have seen something great in his tapes and decided to move in right away, as Neal eventually became a very highly-regarded prospect and the object of many late recruiting pushes by big-time programs. It's a huge testament to the hard work and dedication of the Notre Dame staff that they were able to identify Neal's upside and put the recruiting into top gear while every other college was sitting around talking about the class of 2006. Neal is a great player, but his value increases even more when you consider the new 3-4 defense that will be implemented next year. His size puts him at a bit of a "tweener" position in a 4-3 defense, and he would have to gain or lose weight to move to either a DE or LB position in Minter's system. However, in the 3-4, he is nearly the perfect prototype for an OLB/speed rusher position, and might very well be one of the first players in the class to make an immediate contribution. Bonus YouTube Footage: North Carolina, come on and raise up. Take your shirt off, and spin it around your head. Like a helicoter.

Welcome to the fold. The last six should be up tomorrow.

Your Class of 2007 Dogbook: Offense Skill Positions

There is a fine tradition at Notre Dame (although I'm not sure it's still going on, what with these crazy kids and their internets these days) called the "Freshman Register", which all alumns know by it's more endearing shorthand sobriquet: The Dogbook. A charming little guidebook you get when you register as a freshman that has a picture and short description of everyone in the freshman class. Suffice to say, it was incredibly useful in trolling for ass, stalking classmates, and verifying the fugliness of the girl you're about to be set up on a blind date with (hence the name).

Anyway, here's your recruiting class of 2007 Dogbook, complete with photos, a brief summary of the recruit, wisdom from the wise prophet Anagramaticus, and a bonus YouTube clip to illustrate the new player's impact. Big Uglies and Defense will be going up tomorrow.

Your Class of 2007 Dogbook: Offense Skill Positions

Jimmy Clausen, QB, Westlake Village, CA
	Height/Weight/40: 6'3, 195
	Anagramaticus Says: "Is Jammy Uncle"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Nine Angry Drunk Vikings, an artichoke, and a Zeppelin.
The Lowdown: The crowned prince of prep football, the lord, the savior, the allmighty. Without a doubt the most hyped recruit in ages, and, hand-in-hand with that overexposure comes crushingly impossible expectations and the derision of rival fans the world around. To his credit, Clausen is an extremely polished passer whose mechanics, arm strength, and precision are much more seasoned than one would ever expect from a strapping youngster. His biggest challenge will be to learn how to deal with the pressure and speed of the college game (Clausen played on a veritable All-Star team in a smallish conference in California, and thus was hardly ever hurried in his entire career) and to read more advanced defenses. Oh, there's also the challenge of living up to his ridiculously-overblown billing. All in all though, he will be the cornerstone of Charlie Weis' offense for several years. Will he be ready to take over the vacant QB job this offseason? Only time will tell. Clausen is an early enrollee who is currently practicing with the team, so he'll have all spring to compete for the job. Bonus YouTube Footage: "Jesus Walks" by Kanye West. It's just too easy to draw the comparison.

Robert Hughes, RB, Chicago, IL
	Height/Weight/40: 5'11, 228, 4.6
	Anagramaticus Says: "Huge Brothers"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Seven Angry Drunk Vikings and a Polish Sausage.
The Lowdown: Robert Hughes is a load. Think "charging buffalo", but with 4.6 speed. While Notre Dame has recruited its fair share of shifty finesse backs in recent years, there really has been an absence of a true power running back who is willing to get dirty between the tackles. Meet Robert Hughes. Hughes has great speed for the massive frame he carries, and was a holy terror in the Chicago Public league, laying waste to hapless defenders like the one pictured here. Securing Hughes' commitment was the first job of new Irish Defensive Coordinator Corwin Brown, who used his own connections with the CPL to earn the trust of Hughes. With the tailback position wide open, you can probably expect to see Hughes as a situational back when the sledding gets tough. Bonus YouTube Footage: A video of Robert Earl Hughes, a one-time record-holder for world's fattest man.

Armando Allen, RB, Hialeah, FL
	Height/Weight/40: 5'10", 185, 4.35
	Anagramaticus Says: "Mad, Anal Loner"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Eight Angry Drunk Vikings, a Habañero Pepper, and a Bitchiin' Alfa Romeo.
The Lowdown: Speed demon, through and through. Armando Allen had the fastest 40 time of any prospect last year, and runs an honest-to-god, non-wind-aided, non-hand-timed 4.35. The 40 is a fairly subjective and often misleading statistic, but rest assured that Armando is "play-tennis-against-yourself" fast. He also enrolled early, so he'll be a new face to watch for at the spring game. Allen played in one of Miami's roughest and most competitive conferences, and still managed to average nearly ten yards per touch. He's a home-run hitting breakaway threat. Bonus YouTube Footage: How fast is Armando Allen? Mount a camera on the front of a motorcycle and drive 190 MPH. That should begin to give you an idea.

Golden Tate, WR/Athlete, Hendersonville, TN
	Height/Weight/40: 6'0", 180, 4.4
	Anagramaticus Says: "Gentle Toad"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Seven Angry Drunk Vikings, a Habañero Pepper, and a Golden Globe Award.
The Lowdown: His name is Golden. His high school team used Notre Dame's uniforms and golden helmets. Is anybody surprised about his college decision? Tate has breakaway speed, great ball-hawking instincts, and so much raw athleticism that he can play just about any skill position he wants. He has officially signed as a receiver, but I wouldn't be surprised to see him switch over to cornerback for his college career, plus I'm sure he'll at least get a look at the kick returning squad as well. Tate is a big-time competitor, and apparently a bit of a prankster, too. Rumor has it he sent a text message to the coaching staff on National Signing Day advising he had withdrawn his commitment moments before faxing over his letter of intent. Now, that's a uniquely cruel joke considering what went down on signing day, but, hey, laughter is the best medicine. Bonus YouTube Footage: Jurassic 5's "What's Golden?". This is just too easy.

Duval Kamara, WR, Hoboken, NJ
	Height/Weight/40: 6'3", 190
	Anagramaticus Says: "Alarm a Kudva"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Seven Angry Drunk Vikings and two Indian Rhinoceri.
The Lowdown: Big, mean, and rangy. Originally, Notre Dame fans were excited about the prospect of adding Kamara, Arrelius Benn, and Greg Little to an unprecedentedly-awesome receiver haul, but Little jumped on signing day and Benn inexplicably went the way of the Zooker. However, Kamara is a huge prize and will become the top target in the receiving corps possibly right out of the gate, as there is currently a vacancy on the roster for a big, sure-handed receiving threat. Kamara committed all the way back in May, so the recruiting hype machine that escalates over the year never really got rolling for him. He is, however, one of the top receivers in the country and will be a huge asset during his career at Notre Dame. I can't wait to see him haul in his first jump-ball for a touchdown. Bonus YouTube Footage: Why is Duval such a kickass name? Because Robert Duvall kicks ass. I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

Mike Ragone, TE, Cherry Hills, NJ
	Height/Weight/40: 6'5", 230, 4.45
	Anagramaticus Says: "A Minor Geek"
	HRB Angry Drunk Viking Rating: Seven Angry Drunk Vikings, an African Elephant, and the Jersey Devil.
The Lowdown: Yet another Jersey kid signing with Coach Weis. It's impressive how Weis has turned the talent-rich state into a pipeline for Notre Dame. Of course, a stable of huge, athletic tight ends from New Jersey is becoming de rigueur at the Golden Dome, and Ragone is doing his part to keep the tradition alive. One of the nation's top tight end prospects, he has the size and speed to develop into a real presence in the midfield seams during his career. Bonus YouTube Footage: The Prides of New Jersey: The Boss, Athletic Notre Dame Tight Ends, and the Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Welcome to the team, lads. Big Uglies and Defensive players will be up tomorrow (hopefully).